Ra Ragga: My Life With The Haters

Are you threatened by this?

I am no stranger to the anti-polygamist movement.  In fact, they are the whole reason I entered this shit parade.  Back in 2007, Flora Jessop, aka Tweaking Scarecrow, published my name in some court documents, spreading lies against me.  I blogged about it here.  I realized something about the anti-polygamists then and there.  They are willing to lie their asses off to obtain their agenda.  Truth doesn't matter to them.  Insinuation is presented as fact.  Gossip is stated as gospel.  Character assassination is a viable tactic.  They don't need to know you.  They don't need to understand your circumstance.  All they know is that you are a polygamist, and, for that, you are going down!

Admittedly, not all of them are like that.  I have come across some anti-polygamists that are respectful and courteous.  Check out this correspondence I had.  My rule of thumb is this - if they are willing to have legitimate talks with polygamists, sit down at the table and have earnest dialogue, then I will return that respect.

After all, polygamists are not going anywhere.  You cannot eradicate them, you cannot do away with them, or prevent them from living this lifestyle - even at the threat of imprisonment, even at the threat of murder.  We have endured those, and WE ARE NOT GOING AWAY anytime soon.  So you might as well deal with it and use reason and logic to come up with legitimate solutions to deal with the perceived problems with polygamists, including the polygamists in these solutions.  That is the only thing that makes sense.

But the rabid anti-polygamists refuse to enter this sort of discussion.  They want blood, and they do not listen to reason.  These are the sort that I disrespect.  They are the real fanatics, and I have no problem labeling them what they are - a hate group.  A genuine hate group, right alongside the Ku Klux Klan.  Except this group of cheerless, sexless, unfulfilled, nosy, bitter, flatulent hate mongers have the ears of law enforcement, legislators, social service agencies, and mostly the media.  Sad, sad people.  They will not be satisfied short of a pogrom - all children removed from polygamous homes, all plural wives shipped into forced "rehabilitation", and all polygamist men behind bars or dead.  They want nothing short of ethnic cleansing.

The whole reason that I started blogging, going on international television, on public radio, doing interviews, etc., was to defend myself.  I realized that most people assume that polygamists are too backward, too uneducated, not verbose enough to mount a well-thought defense.  Most people assume that polygamists will say or do nothing in response to vicious attacks in the media.  They thought that about me.  They were wrong.  I refuse to give the hate-whores the opportunity to speak lies about me, or any other polygamists, without me shooting off some furious blog post in retaliation.  I will always speak my mind, and, trust me, I have plenty to say.  Thanks to polygamists like Kody Brown, Brady Williams, and Nathan Collier, polygamy is getting a new face.

Fortunately, since I am no longer a polygamist, I pass under the radar of the antis.  Since I only have one wife, I am no longer relevant, but I have dealt with the antis time and time again over the past decade.  Usually, their modus operandi is the same - they infiltrate forums where polygamists discuss online, using fake profiles.  Many, many fake profiles - most of them probably the same person.  Their purpose is to troll, gather information, and discredit as many polygamists as they can.  They are vicious and unrelenting.  By now, I am pretty good at spotting the antis in a group, and I am not afraid to call them out on it.

Anyway, I am telling a story with this,  Earlier this summer, I was asked by Kendra to help moderate a discussion site.  Kendra is a close friend to the Brown family of "Sister Wives" fame, and, over the years, she has been an online defender of the family.  For these years, I have been a part of these sites, but I pay them little attention.  The drama gets too much for me, sometimes.  She asked me to help her moderate the group, because it was overrun by antis.  Previously, she had Nathan Collier as an admin, but he dropped out due to the chaos.

So I stepped in as an admin to a group that had well over 1,500 members - and the ones who contributed the most were the haters.  It was overwhelming.  They would attack anyone and everyone who even remotely made a statement in favor of polygamy or the Brown family.  And if anyone attacked their position, they would cry foul, making accusations of intolerance.

To give you an example, I previously posted on THIS blog about my journey to see Winston Blackmore.  Immediately, I am attacked and asked if I saw any of Winston Blackmore's child brides.  I replied that I did not.  I was only introduced to one of his wives, and she was certainly not a child.  It was pointed out that I called Blackmore a "good man".  Yes, I said that.  He was a good man in my perception based on my visit there.  So how can I call him a good man, I was asked, given that he has taken child brides?  I told them that I neither saw nor heard ANYTHING about child brides while I was there.  I do not advocate underage marriage.  I have always spoken out against that sort of thing, and there is a public record going back more than a decade of me speaking against these things on the Yahoo! discussion groups, on my blogs, and many other places.  I do not condone the taking of child brides!  This was not enough for antis.  They asked how I could say he was a good man, didn't I know that he had taken child brides?  It's in the media!  No, I had never heard of Winston Blackmore taking child brides, and, if he did, I do not approve.  I actually do not follow Blackmore's life in the media.  I have better things to do with my life. That's not good enough!  Would I go on public record and condemn Winston Blackmore for taking child brides?  And my answer is - no, I will not.  Just because something is reported in the media does not make it true.  We live in a nation where men are innocent until proven guilty, and I am sure that Canada has the same rule.  I will not condemn a man who has not had the chance to defend himself, and until it is proven, it is just conjecture.  It is just gossip.  And I will not resort to the tactics of the anti-polygamists in condemning a person simply based on hearsay, on rumor.

Argh!

Next, someone got a hold of the History Channel program we did, and blasted me for our living conditions!  I have always been very honest on this blog about our living conditions off-grid.  In fact, I wrote a six-part essay on it.  It is no secret.  This anti said that the way I make my family live is abuse and threatened to call CPS on me.  That is laughable.  That episode was filmed seven freaking years ago!  Anyone who knows me knows that I moved my family out of there years ago, improving our livin conditions.  It was only temporary.  Like I live in a static bubble in space-time, never moving, never changing, my children never growing up.  Yet, in her mind, I am still living there is this house, eternally off-grid, ready for her to call social services on us.  What a joke!

It started getting old really fast.  I spent the whole week online, responding to posts, defending everything to do with plural marriage, dealing with a constant barrage of hate.  It got to the point where I was tired of dignifying their bullshit with serious responses.  Check out this argument I had with a fake profile named "Marilyn":

How dare you accuse me of being vitriolic and having prior history of being adversarial. Kendra is nothing but a bully and cannot let anyone have a different opinion to her. She is an attention seeker that is all over every celebrity she can contact on Twitter. She has other aliases where she disrespects the Browns, it's common knowledge. Maybe I should rephrase that, she used to, maybe not anymore as many have called her out on it. Did you know she accused a member of one group of hiding in a UPS van to get into the Browns houses. I believe there is a lawsuit now against her for that and rightly so. Kendra misreads people's posts and jumps on them for no reason. Do you think that she should be the only one to give an opinion. Are you star struck because she knows the Browns? You are so quick to defend her. She is on many forums spouting her opinions and jumping on anyone that disagrees with her. She has said many, many rude things to me, including accusing me of having a fake account. You say you won't put up with bitchiness and snideness, I guess that doesn't apply to Kendra though. She has made so many enemies in forums for those exact "qualities". Now you are also being singled out as a bully. As for me "taking one for team" exactly what does that mean?I'm not on any team. It's all about the power for you and Kendra, to be an admin of a group is some sort of status symbol is it? Never assume that because I am old that I will sit back and take crap like this from anyone. Abuse is bad, but elder abuse is worse.

Moroni:  :) Relax. It's just Facebook.

Marilyn:  Yes it is but I resent being called names, and everything I said above is true. If I'm to relax, then you and Kendra need to do the same. Stop acting so high and mighty. That comment about me taking one for the team etc etc makes you sound do arrogant. I would guess that it's your association with Kendra that is making you that way. She is one disliked woman on facebook and for Robyn to let her be a spokesperson for them is Sister Wives suicide. They are probably more disliked because of her and her constant defending of them. So if as you say, it's just facebook and I should relax, why the Nasty comments about me, relax, scroll past when you see my name. Kendra can do the same

Moroni:  :) Thanks for writing!

Marilyn:  Sarcasm !!!!

Moroni:  Ra ragga !!!!

Marilyn:  No idea what that means but it look immature, you really want to go to Kendra's level

Moroni:  Chim chimney chimney chinny chin chin

Marilyn:  OMG

you really need to explain your words to us senior citizens

Remember, some day, if you are lucky, you will be one, hope people speak better English to you then

Do you speak "down " to your children also, seniors and children, all beneath you I assume

Moroni:  (Here I inserted the photo of Mr. Bean up above)

Marilyn:  Your latest photo? Are you threatening me?

You look a lot like Mr Bean lol How unfortunate is that

Moroni:  That's more like it! ;)

Marilyn:  I sincerely hope your kids don't look like you, that would be more than unfortunate

Moroni: 

Marilyn:  Omg noooooooooo, please do not creat any more

Create

Moroni:  LOL God bless!

And THAT is how you deal with antis!

At this point, I deleted her and blocked her off of the discussion group.  In fact, I started cleaning house.  I deleted anyone that was perceived by me to be an anti.  The problem was - I deleted the other admin, who was an anti.  I was contacted by Kendra and asked to add her back.  Apparently, this admin was a journalist and had unflattering info on the Browns that she was threatening to use.  So I ate humble pie.  For Kendra.  For the Browns.  I added this admin back and publicly apologized to her.  She took the chance to publicly rip me a new one.  I can't tell you how hard it was to bite my tongue and take it.  This admin then added back all her friends, and they swooped down on me like a murder of crows.  They publicly posted the above exchange and said that I was threatening this poor "Marilyn".  They made fun of me, my wives, my children, and anyone who had the nerve to stand up to them on my behalf.

So, one week after being made admin, I packed it up and resigned from the "Sister Wives" forum.  I lasted only one week.  I was relieved.  I can't believe the degree of stress it gave me.  I felt dirty after trying to engage those women.  Their hatred has no bounds.  They expend more of their energy on hatred than I could ever have.  There was a distinct presence of evil with them.

I was later contacted by people who had witnessed how I was treated.  They told me that this admin has a secret group where they marshal together and plot as a group on who they will attack and how they will do it.  She sent me this screen shot of the admin bragging about her actions.

It turned out that this admin was a tabloid journalist.  She was using the group to get dirt that she could publish in articles against the Browns.  And she did.  Several articles hit the web as a result of these events, several that attempted to fling mud at the Browns.  The funny thing is - she constantly bragged about being a "journalist".  But in the end, she just took the slightest hints of conjecture and rumor and stretched them and stretched them into a story of little substance.  So much for being a "journalist".  In fact, other anti-polygamists - like Sound Choices Coalition - actually did not approve of her methods, pointing out that they were low and damaging, stating that their "cause" would be better served using other and better methods.

To me, it is all part of a plot, a conspiracy.  I think this is part of a concerted effort to smear the name of the Browns.  After all the Browns did in court to get polygamy decriminalized, the best way to distract from what they have done is to mire them down with pettiness and scandal.  I, for one, will not pay it any heed.  I refuse to engage in rumor-mongering and speak ill about the Brown family, or any other plural family when the accusations are baseless.

It makes me kind of glad.  When we first did our TLC special with Dawn Porter, they so much as told me that they were scouting us out for the potential of a program of our own.  Then we were told that we were too "basic" to have a show of our own.  Can you imagine if we had said yes, if we wound up being on display for the whole nation?  I can't imagine having cameras in my face during my divorce.  Who knows what sort of "dirt" they would have fabricated on me or any of my wives?  No, for now, I am content to remain boring.  Basic.  Monogamous.  For now.

So once again, I say with emphasis:  Ra ragga!

Moroni's Review of TLC's "My Five Wives"

My Five Wives

In the wake of all of the anti-polygamy, "I-escaped-from-polygamy" books that seem to be prevalent, it is refreshing to see material that comes out that puts polygamous families and relationships in a positive light.  Being semi-isolated the way I am, I have not had a chance to see many of the TV shows that have come out.  Truthfully, I have only ever seen three episodes of TLC's "Sister Wives", and I really liked it.  I have never read "Love Times Three" by the Darger family - a family I knew back in my days living in Utah, nor have I seen their TLC special "My Three Wives", although I heard positive reviews about both.  I have never seen National Geographic's "Polygamy USA" that details the community in Centennial Park, AZ, although I have heard it was interesting.

When "My Five Wives" aired about a week, or so, ago, I also missed it.  I don't have cable or satellite, but I heard mostly good reviews about it.  I participated in many of the online discussions about it, but I finally got to watch it when TLC put it on their website here.

This one-time special deals with a polygamist man in Utah, Brady Williams, and his large family of five wives and many children.  Hopefully, this family will get their own program, because there was very little time in the allotted 45 minutes other than to introduce each of the wives and their respective children.  It would definitely take a whole series to explore the intricacies of the family.

Some of the criticisms - many of them coming from the Christian polygamous communities - included his housing arrangements.  Instead of everyone living in a common area, he has his house broken down into townhouse-style apartments.  The truth is - most polygamist houses in Utah are set up this way, and I thought it was a very good arrangement.  In fact, I am kind of jealous.  I wish that I had that kind of setup for my family.

There was a clip in the show where some of the wives express jealousy about Brady sharing the birthday with another wife.  Another online criticism was that, after fifteen years, it was unlikely that this was still an issue with the wives.  Having experienced plural marriage, I can say - wives can remember things for a long, long time - especially if it is an unresolved issue.  I thought it was very commendable how they met together and discussed the problem and come up with a solution.

There were also discussions about how he handled broaching the subject of health with a slightly overweight wife.  Some felt he was insensitive.  I thought it was handled tastefully with genuine concern.  I could find no fault with the way he handled it.

A lot of fuss was made about the family "leaving the religion", whatever that means.  The Williams belonged to the same congregation that I did back in the '90s, the AUB, just like the Browns on "Sister Wives".  I heard that the Williams left the AUB.  But they still seem spiritual, loving, and they radiate a goodness.  I have no problem with any of their decisions in regard to their religion.

The last criticism was about how he handled the issue of having another child with one wife, while another wife wanted to adopt a baby.  I admit, I would have handled the situation differently, but every family is different, has a different dynamic.

One of the things that I learned upon entering plural marriage, everyone automatically becomes an armchair judge of how you run your family and criticizes how you do things.  I don't know why.  Perhaps the expectation of you grows.  The things that people forget - people don't enter plural marriage because they are perfect.  They have to grow and work through things, just like everyone else.

I, for one, think that Brady (a guy I also knew back in the day) has a wonderful family.  They are beautiful, photogenic, well-adjusted, and happy.  They are a good face for polygamy, and I hope they return to the small screen.

God Save Us From Stupid Articles

Okay, so I am on a newsgroup that provides me with articles on polygamy on a daily basis.  I usually glaze through them.  But occasionally, I will see a glaring example of how there are still false stereotypes about polygamists.  One article irked me.  Check it out here.

It is about the Darger family (whom I used to know back in the day).  They were recently featured on TLC's  "Sister Wives", and this is the passage that bugged me:

"The Dargers are definitely unique. For one, the wives are pretty glamorous for polygamists. They are very fit (they work out as a family,) and seem to care about things like hair, makeup and clothes; but that wasn’t always the case..."

And...

"They say they are of an independent polygamist faith, and from their clothing and hair in the old photos it looks at one time they may have been a part of a separatist Warren Jeffs’-type polygamist community. Vicky’s sister Valerie even speaks of leaving a “dysfunctional” polygamist marriage in order to save her children. The Brown family also likes to make a distinction between their family’s faith and the Warren Jeffs community, or any polygamists that abuse women, marry children, and or abuse the welfare system."


1)  The Dargers are "unique" because they are glamorous?  Granted, many polygamists are plain, but that doesn't apply to EVERY polygamist.  We are not all Amish.  If you think that polygamists are ignorant of fashion, check out my Music or Movie blogs.  That is not someone who is sheltered and isolated from the world.  I am not going to be wowed by your fandangled cell phones.  I have one.

The Darger family used to hold dances every month at the Murray City Park in Utah.  I used to attend them.  Yes, there were the waltzes and polkas that seem to figure in most polygamist dances, but they ended every single dance with Steppenwolf's "Born To Be Wild".

So, the Darger Family...  Glamorous?  Yes, but certainly not "unique"...

2)  They are "fit"?  Okay, so I personally have a weight issue.  Okay, I am just grossly fat.  (Check out the comments on my YouTube video for confirmation of this.)  But I think that I am more the exception than the rule.  Excuse me?  Is there a stereotype that polygamists are fat??  Where did that come from?  Most polygamist men seem to work in the construction industry and are pretty fit.  And "I" may be fat, but my wives certainly were not.

3)  They care about things like hair, makeup and clothes?  Are you kidding?  Polygamists don't care about hair?  Or makeup?  Or clothes?  Do polygamists run around naked?  And amongst the FLDS, some of them put a lot of money into their pioneer dresses.  And the bouffant hairdo that the women favor?  They put a lot of work into that look, even using sugar water to hold their hair in place.  They care very much about their appearance.  So dressing up is not something unique to monogamists.

4)  Their clothing and their hair indicated that they belonged to some separatist, Warren Jeffs-type polygamist community?  Now, I admit, in times past, most polygamists looked the same - long hair and long dresses for the women.  It didn't matter whether you were FLDS, in the AUB, or an Independent. They all kind of dressed the same.  But that hasn't been true for a long time.  And I have known the Dargers for a long time.  And they never belonged to any community, per se.  They were Independents.

5)  "Polygamists who abuse women, marry children, and abuse the welfare system?"  Clearly, this author has bought into the negative stereotypes.  Where do they find these kind of journalists?  Do monogamous men ever abuse women?  Do they ever marry children?  Do they abuse the welfare system?  Why is it okay to believe stereotypes about polygamists, but not about other groups?

This is one of the worst articles about polygamy that I have ever read.  I don't know how this stuff passes off as journalism.

Meeting Meri

The polygamy world is convoluted.  We might not all know each other, but we are somehow all connected - either by blood, by marriage, or by common association.  When I meet a fellow Mormon fundamentalist, the icebreaker is usually to play the "do you know who I know" game.

For instance, I have never met Kody Brown of "Sister Wives" fame.  We used to belong to the same polygamous congregation in Utah back in the '90s, and I "kind of" remember him.  I knew his wife Christine back then, but we haven't spoken in twenty years.

But, still, we are all connected.  My wife Martha's brother is married to Meri's sister.  I have never met her, but my wife Martha knows her.  They grew up around each other.  Martha has been in the world of Mormon polygamy world all her life, whereas I am a newcomer.  Meri also grew up in a plural family.  In fact, I knew her dad quite well.  I ran into him at a grocery store in St. Johns, Arizona shortly before he passed away.

Suddenly, the Browns are celebrities, and I had to reach into the dusty closet of my memories to try to remember what associations I had with them back in the day.  I have been away from Utah for quite a long time.

For the past four years, I have helped my brother-in-law run his airbrush booth at the Utah State Fair.  Every year, the Browns come by the booth to say hi to him and his wife.  I don't remember.  I am the counter help, and the Utah State Fair is one of the busiest shows in our season.  I talk to a lot of people all day.

But this past summer, I was watching for the Browns - expecting that they would probably show up, not knowing what I would say.

It wasn't until the last weekend of the fair that a group of sister-in-law's sisters showed up at the booth to visit.  Meri was with them.  I  recognized her immediately, of course.  They made small talk with my brother-in-law and his wife, and then Meri decided to order an airbrushed onesie for Robyn, who was still expecting her new baby at this point.  She wanted it to say, "I Just Spent Nine Months in Solitary Confinement."  There was quite a bit of speculation on the internet about the sex of the baby.  I figured that Meri knew, and I thought that I might be able to guess the sex of the baby based on the colors that she picked.  She picked a neutral green and brown as her background colors - the color brown, because they were the "Brown Family."

I turned from the counter to look at my brother-in-law.  "Do they get the family discount?" I asked him.

"Sure," he answered with a smile.  "Because you are family, after all."

"How are we family?" Meri asked me.

I explained that I was a Jessop, which name is ever ubiquitous in the polygamy world.  I explained that my great grandfather was an uncle to Lyman Jessop, who is the ancestor of most Jessops in Mormon fundamentalism.  I then explained that I was married to Martha.  Of course she knew who Martha was.

Meri and her sisters excused themselves to enjoy the day at the fair while we proceeded to get her onesie done.  When she came back a couple of hours later, I presented her with the onesie.  She thought it was adorable, and she couldn't wait to give it to Robyn.  Then she proceeded to laugh and talk with her sisters.  Apparently, a carnie had recognized her from TV and had made some comment.

Earlier in the week, I had had dinner with my sister, who lives in Utah.  I had asked how the Browns were generally received by most of the polygamists in Utah.  She told me that a lot of them didn't agree with what they were doing.  The world will never accept plural marriage.  And some have even labeled the Brown family as attention seekers.  This sounded all too familiar to me.  I had gone through something similar.

So I had something to say to Meri.

I approached her and said, "Have many polygs taken the time to thank you for what you are doing?"

"No," she answered.

"Well, thank you," I said.  "Thank you for putting yourselves out there for the rest of us."

"You're welcome," she said.  "Are you a polygamist?"

"Yes, I have two wives.  And you may not believe this, but we have actually done a show on TLC back in 2008..."

I proceeded to gush on and on about our experience.  I told her that we only had a TV crew in our house for a couple of days.  I can't imagine having cameras in your face for such an extended period of time.

"Well, it helps if you like your crew," she said.  "And we love our crew."

So Meri and her sisters excused themselves, and I went back to work.

I learned a couple of things from my visit with Meri Brown.

First, the way she kind of looked at me at while I was talking about MY TV experience - I don't think she believed me.  I think that she thought that I was making it up, like I was a pathological liar, trying to "one-up" her, or something.

Second of all, I had always assumed that the Browns knew who I was, since I had come into the spotlight around the same time as them.  My blog is prolific, and I have appeared on TLC and the History Channel.  I was wrong.  Meri Brown had no clue who I was.  She had no idea who my family was or any of the work we have done.  My work has impacted her life not a bit.  LOL

But I did get to thank her, and hopefully - from one polygamist to another - that meant something to her.

Nancy Grace Belches Her Opinion On Polygamy

On the flip side, check out this article:

So legal expert Nancy Grace thinks that Kody Brown, and his wives, from TLC's "Sister Wives" should all go to jail in her article entitled "Nancy Grace on 'Sister Wives Investigation: 'Kody Should Go To Jail!'"...


"The law is the law — bigamy is a 3rd degree felony in Utah. Those participating in the crime face a maximum of five years in prison and a $5,000 fine. But most likely, Utah will turn a blind eye, as usual."

and...


"When you don’t know a horse, look at his track record. Even with the family taunting authorities on national TV, it’s unlikely Utah will prosecute although clearly, they should!"

There's a nazi in every bunch...

Dr. Kat Talks About Polygamy

Check out this article here.

Dr. Kat is a well-known and respected sex and marriage therapist whom I have known for about 21 years. In this article, she discusses the Brown Family and their show "Sister Wives" on TLC.

Read the whole article! She does talk about me a little bit:

"I grew up in an area with alot of Mormons. I knew of one family who got excommunicated from the church because they followed the early Mormon tenants of plural marriage. I was very good friends with one of the sons. In the midst of discussing bands and art and generally hanging out like most teens and young adults do, we discussed with how one day the plight of Mormon polygamists would not only make an interesting television show but how it might help those of us busy just trying to keep one relationship working, understand and become more accepting of the concept. After all, these are just people trying to follow their belief system, provide for their families and love their partners."

I just have to comment a bit on Dr. Kat. I met her in high school when she was the quintessential, blond cheerleader-type. After getting her phone number and talking on the phone a few times, I quickly came to realize that she was (and is) one of the smartest people I know. Her open-mindedness was refreshing. She was one of the few people that I could talk to about absolutely anything. She shared my tastes in music. We liked the same kind of movies. (I have a specific memory of going to see David Lynch's "Wild At Heart" with her.)

Dr. Kat was open-minded enough that she was one of the first people that listened to me as I confessed my belief in plural marriage. She didn't shoot me down or act shocked. She accepted me for who I am. In fact, she was one of the first people I called when I announced that I was getting married to my first wife, Martha, and she joked, "Oooh, maybe I could be your second wife!"

It has been great to see her career grow as a sex therapist, and I have followed her advice columns and websites for years. I am really luck to have such diverse friends, and I feel very blessed to have a friend like Dr. Kat.

She also mentions in her article:

"I mean what we are protecting here? Whether it is to deny individuals the right to a civil marriage based on sexual orientation or because we think there is something lascivious about multiple wives, or the subjugation of women through this model (we can debate that at another time), the powers that be seem to spend alot of time trying to force the rest of us to do what they think is right. I can think of a few times in history when that didn’t turn out so well.

"I’d like to think that we as a culture are evolving and that we can expand our definition of marriage to include all that are consensual, loving and healthy for those who are engaged in them. Frankly, evolution is not as linear a process as we once thought. Sometimes we end up chasing our own tails or take two steps back to gain one forward. It is a painful process for all of us.

Ultimately, what is good for you may not be good for me and that’s OK. Mutual respect for one another makes more sense than trying to dictate who and how we love. That being said, maybe plural marriage and gay marriage movement should join forces?"

I have always said that gay marriage and plural marriage are strange bedfellows. (Platonic bedfellows, okay? LOL) But it appears that we are in the same boat. And if there were other metaphors, I would use them as well. The older I get - I realize that I don't want anyone telling me what I can or ought to do in my own home, in my own bedroom and with whom. Why would anyone else NOT want the same right? Society, government, church - NO ONE - has the right to tell us how to live our lives - gay, straight, polygamist, monogamist, etc.

And that is my opinion. I will fight for my rights, and I will fight for yours. Have a good day. :)

Sister Wives on TLC

Yesterday, I was actually able to watch the new show "Sister Wives" on TLC, which was a rare treat as I don't have TV at home. I liked it! It did stir up some feelings and memories though, of what it's like to have cameras shoved in your face round the clock.

As a side note, in the past several months, there have been reruns of the show that we did with Dawn Porter on TLC as well as reruns of the show we did on History Channel. But I think it's funny the times that they choose to air them - both of them on Super Bowl Sunday and both of them again during the NBA Playoffs. LOL! The times when everyone will be watching something else. Our ratings were that bad that TLC dusts off our program whenever they have no audience.

But that's neither here nor there...

I remember that they originally pitched the Dawn Porter show at us to be a reality series. Can you imagine? The drab polygamists in the desert with the bright flower Dawn Porter in the middle.... for a whole season?? *shudder* Other production companies pitched series to us - Pink Sneakers, BBC in the UK...

I just can't imagine the stress of having the cameras on us 24/7.

And truth be told, after having watched "Sister Wives" on TLC, I really think that the family on the show - the Kody Brown family - is a much better family for this kind of show. They are very photogenic - Kody looks like he belongs on the Olympic snow team. They are well-adjusted and very smiley.

But most of all, they have a nice house. It's hard to put a good image on something when you are living in a trailer in the desert.

I have never met Kody Brown, even though we used to belong polygamous congregation back in the '90s. My brother-in-law says that I did meet Kody two years ago at the Utah State Fair, but I really don't remember.

But still, it's weird the connections that we have, even though we haven't met.

His wife Meri is a sister to one of my sisters-in-law. But I've never met her. I knew Christine back when we were young and single. I used to have a crush on her sister. But I haven't seen her in over fifteen years. The prospective wife Robyn is a distant cousin of my wife Martha. But I've never met her. When I was sick last year and missed working the Utah State Fair, one of my replacements was Moriah, Meri's daughter.

After watching last night's episode, I think that they are a great family, and I admire them alot. Especially Kody. It was like I looked at him as he addressed certain issues, and I knew what he was thinking. Because I have been there. Like the issue with one wife having fertility issues and being jealous of the other wife having children. I have been there. And I think Kody is handling everything beautifully.

So now, I hear that Utah is investigating the Kody Brown family for potential prosecution. And it breaks my heart. In response to that, I hear other fundamentalist Mormons say, "Well, it serves them right. What did they think would happen going in front of the media? They brought it on themselves!"

And that attitude breaks my heart even more. Somebody has to put themselves out there if we are ever going to make a difference, ever going to be heard. Somebody has to take the risk.

Kody Brown is making a difference for all of us. He is risking himself for all polygamists out there. I don't know if you'll read this, Kody. I'm sure that you are not like me and have better things to do with your time than scan the Internet for things said about you. But I want to say, thank you, Kody, for putting it on the line for me and my family.

More Feedback in 2010

A few days ago, I didn't think there would be any more feedback from the TLC show. After the re-run on New Year's Eve, I was wrong.

Check out what this lady Cristina said on a message board:

"Comments: I'm watching Forbidden Love: Polygamy as a "re-run" tonight, and I feel so sorry for the "wives" who, at least in comparison to the reporter who is visiting their home, look so plain,tired,worn-out,and as though they have no individualism what-so-ever... This is just a case of a man who is intimidated when tossed into a population of other men...therefore, he creates a sort of "sub-culture" where HE is the one and only male for miles...making him MUCH more appealing! The wives are women who know nothing else but to be followers....ugh...just a shame that these women are missing out on so much LIFE...and the men are being made to feel as though they are much more significant than they REALLY are!"

I shared this with Martha. She shrugged. "We spent all day cleaning for the shoot. And then we had the cameras in our faces from sun-up to sun-down. Of COURSE I looked plain and worn-out."

I also shared it with Temple. As expected, she flared up, "How would they know how we are? They cut out all of oour interviews! And I looked plain?? Did they see the shirt I wore the first day of the shoot? Was it plain? No, it was pretty stylish and colorful. But I don't think they WANTED to show a plural wife looking like that."

On the same message board, there was a message by a guy named Nighthawk that I've known for a while on several discussion groups. He said:

"I had to look this up on Google to find out exactly what everyone is talking about. I have already seen some pieces of it.I have personally corresponded with Moroni, the man who lives out in the desert with his wives. He chose that lifestyle after his family was subject to persecution in various ways. He is a very gentle man and well educated. His wives are also well educated.He and his wives were disappointed in the way Dawn Porter edited and presented her two or three days with them. His wives were especially upset that Ms. Porter failed to include any of their comments about how happy they were with their lives.The History Channel also did a segment on Moroni and his wives, at the same time. It sounds like that show was much more honest about their work.Moroni has written quite a lot about his family's experience participating in this show on his blog. He has also been involved in some other, similar, situations.So, while making your judgments (along with the condemnations I have already read here), you might want to see what the people involved actually had to say."

Both Martha and Temple likes his response. It was nice to be defended after much of the crap that I have seen out there.

Surprisingly, I found an article I had missed written by Dawn Porter on September 28, 2008 for NOW Magazine. Here is an excerpt:

"To me, however, this quest for perfection seemed pointless when the sacrifices you have to make along the way are so painful. I needed to meet a polygamous man. So I traveled hundreds of miles across the desert to meet Moroni Jessop, 46, who lives in a four-bedroom trailer with his wives Martha 42, and temple, 38, and their nine children. I was nervous meeting him face-to-face, but with his baggy jeans and scruffy hair, Moroni happily answered my questions.
Like the previous family, Moroni views polygamy as a way of bettering himself by having more people to love. He insists that it’s improved the way he treats women. Like Ruth, Moroni had a family history of polygamy. He says ‘When I first entered it, I didn’t have a good time. There were so many demands, and both my wives were angry. But, in time, we all just started laughing more and I realized then I was happy. It takes a lot of work and understanding to deal with the concerns of more than one woman.’

"Like the previous family, Moroni views polygamy as a way of bettering himself by having more people to love. He insists that it’s improved the way he treats women. Like Ruth, Moroni had a family history of polygamy. He says ‘When I first entered it, I didn’t have a good time. There were so many demands, and both my wives were angry. But, in time, we all just started laughing more and I realized then I was happy. It takes a lot of work and understanding to deal with the concerns of more than one woman.’

"So how does he spread himself among his wives? ‘It’s up to me to decide that’ he grins. ‘The women have their own rooms and I try to be fair. Half of my battle is ensuring they both feel loved.’ Now Moroni’s on the hunt for wife number three –he believes a man cannot get to heaven unless he has at least three wives."

Okay, the article is fair, and mostly reflects the content of the show. I have only two objections:

1. The belief that a man must have three wives to attain to the Celestial Kingdom is an old fundamentalist belief. But they did not hear this tidbit from me, because it is not my personal belief. I wouldn't say that in an interview, because I am not sure how I believe in that respect. They just threw that in there to support their fiction that I'm searching for another wife.

2. I'm 46? Martha is 42? Temple is 38?? Heloooo!! Do we look that old?? I'm not sure where they came up with the ages. But at the time of the shoot, I was BARELY 38. Martha was 35, and Temple was 28. Temple is 2 years YOUNGER than Dawn Porter! LOL! Sheesh!

Anyway, I have not found any feedback on the History Channel show yet, but you can bet I will post what I find.

In closing, I will will leave you with my favorite YouTube comment (There are over 145 of them):

"The guy sounds absolutely full of himself. AND he has a nasty pot belly. How on earth is he managing to keep all those women satisfied? Do they just feel they can do no better? I mean, if you've gotta share the guy, at least let him be Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. Or filthy rich"

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Ice Storms, South Carolina & Super Bowl

Okay, sorry I have been offline for so long. I have been in kind of a funk lately. But I will repent of that.

Anyway, to give you an update, I was offered a job in Columbia, South Carlolina, remodeling a hotel.

It is always hard for me to leave my family, but the way the economy is going, I said goodbye to my wives and children and left last week for "Back East" with some relatives.

The problem is - we decided to travel right at the time when one of the worst ice storms in the past 100 years hit the Midwest.

We hit Amarillo at the tail of the storm, and the roads were ice for the rest of the way. The photo above is Checotah, Oklahoma (home of Carrie Underwood.) Oklahoma was totally unprepared for the storm. I live in a part of Arizona that gets snow occasionally. When we get a skiff of snow, we have a fleet of snow plows patroling the highways. I saw three snowplows in Oklahoma - three! There was three inches of ice on the roads, and we counted 16 cars that slid off the highway.

By the time we got to Kentucky, the roads were pretty clear, but the trees were so laden with ice that most of them were bending at the trunk, literally. It looked like icicle hell. The storm took down 8,000 power lines across the state, leaving most of the state in darkness. It was eerie driving down the Bluegrass Parkway, seeing entire towns without lights. The only light was the glow of Cincinatti in the distance.

I stayed with some friends in the Appalachians of eastern Kentucky. Then on Sunday morning, my brother came to pick me up, and we went to South Carolina. It was a beautiful road. We took some back roads through the mountains (talk about switchbacks!)

We arrived in Columbia just in time to watch the Super Bowl. I like Pittsburgh, since I worked there for several months in 2007. But I live in Arizona, so I had to root for the Cardinals! What a close game!

The ironic thing - I competed with the Super Bowl. "Forbidden Love: Polygamy" aired at 7PM on TLC - at the same time as the Super Bowl! So I doubt that very many people saw it. I didn't find out until this evening.

Dawn Porter also posted on her site that the episode is available on iTunes, for any interested. Just type in "Dawn Porter", and the show should come up.

So, if anyone wants to talk to me, I will be in South Carolina for the next month, or so. So far, I have discovered Bojangles. They love their fried chicken here in the South.

(I will be finishing my "Our Living Conditions" bit this week. )



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