The Song Remains the Same: On "Sister Wives" With My Friends, the Colliers

Yours truly with the Colliers on "Sister Wives"

So, my TV days are not quite over.

I have some really good friends in Montana - the Colliers.  They are an established polygamous family that has been together for many, many years.

Back in 2011, they wanted to renew their marriage vows, so they flew me out to Montana to officiate in their wedding ceremony.  It was a beautiful experience.

Last Sunday, on "Sister Wives", it was previewed that - next Sunday, January 18th - the Colliers would be featured on the program.  Apparently, Kody Brown and his posse traveled to Montana for a week to visit the Colliers.

The interesting thing is - they showed photos from the wedding, and, on one of the photos, I was shown quite visibly.  To the point that I immediately got texts and Facebook messages from family members and friends who were watching and saw me.  I also got an email from a high school acquaintance whom I had not seen in 25 years who - for some reason - recognized me.

So, I will be watching the episode on January 18th to see the Colliers, but also to see if yours truly pops up on national TV again!  (Yes, I know.  I am a media whore.)

Also, notice the sweet Ramones shirt I am rocking.  After the reception, I immediately flew home.  I had already changed for the flight home.

New Hate Groups, & Other Polygamy News

So a few things going on the world of polygamy:

1)  Last week, the Browns put forth a lawsuit to the Utah Courts questioning whether or not Utah's bigamy laws are constitutional.  Go, Browns!  The Jessops got your back!

2)  A new Hate Group has sprouted up in Utah called "Sound Choices Coalition".  It is created by former plural wives who "escaped polygamy".  I find it ironic that most of these groups are started by women who once lived polygamy - one of them for 50 years.  The reason I call them a "hate group" - they are against decriminalization, and they want to keep it illegal.  In other words, they don't want talks; they don't want negotiations.  They just want to see polygamist men in jail.  On their website, they say things like:

“No one wants to break up happy families or throw good fathers in prison,” says Christine Marie Katas, founder of Voices for Dignity, who is a member of the Sound Choices Coalition. Katas, who wrote the symbolic petition, said, “But there has to be a better, more creative legal solution because the evidence clearly shows that significantly more harm comes to polygamous women and children than monogamous women and children.”

"These harms include higher rates of domestic violence and abuse, including sexual abuse, higher rates of marital dissatisfaction, higher rates anxiety and depression, higher rates of psychiatric hospitalization, higher levels of somatization, phobia and other psychological problems. Polygamous women have more children, are more likely to die in childbirth and live shorter lives than their monogamous counterparts. Children in polygamous families face higher infant mortality, and physical and mental disabilities from incestuaous marriages. Many children suffer more emotional, behavioral and physical problems, have lower educational achievement, and are at a higher risk of psychological and physical abuse than children in monogamous families."

So where is this so called "evidence"?  Where is the research that supports this?  Is it not bigotry to make these kind of negative statements about a particular group without having something substantial to present, to back it up?  Otherwise, it is just a stereotype.  Nothing more.

Hence, this group is...  a hate group.

3)  Flora Jessop has put down her meth pipe long enough to come in front of the cameras to celebrate her sister's escape from the FLDS.  Now, admittedly, I don't know what her sister went through.  And I am certainly not a fan of FLDS's brand of Mormonism.  But my question is:

Why are people listening to Flora Jessop?  Given the constant lies and unreliable information that she has fed the media, given the fact that she has been caught in these lies, why do they use her as a "reliable source?"  Because the media is looking for anything lurid and sensational, and Flora Jessop is always willing to provide that.

Yes, bigotry is alive and well in America.  And it is "okay" to demonize and discriminate against polygamists as a whole group.

Meeting Meri

The polygamy world is convoluted.  We might not all know each other, but we are somehow all connected - either by blood, by marriage, or by common association.  When I meet a fellow Mormon fundamentalist, the icebreaker is usually to play the "do you know who I know" game.

For instance, I have never met Kody Brown of "Sister Wives" fame.  We used to belong to the same polygamous congregation in Utah back in the '90s, and I "kind of" remember him.  I knew his wife Christine back then, but we haven't spoken in twenty years.

But, still, we are all connected.  My wife Martha's brother is married to Meri's sister.  I have never met her, but my wife Martha knows her.  They grew up around each other.  Martha has been in the world of Mormon polygamy world all her life, whereas I am a newcomer.  Meri also grew up in a plural family.  In fact, I knew her dad quite well.  I ran into him at a grocery store in St. Johns, Arizona shortly before he passed away.

Suddenly, the Browns are celebrities, and I had to reach into the dusty closet of my memories to try to remember what associations I had with them back in the day.  I have been away from Utah for quite a long time.

For the past four years, I have helped my brother-in-law run his airbrush booth at the Utah State Fair.  Every year, the Browns come by the booth to say hi to him and his wife.  I don't remember.  I am the counter help, and the Utah State Fair is one of the busiest shows in our season.  I talk to a lot of people all day.

But this past summer, I was watching for the Browns - expecting that they would probably show up, not knowing what I would say.

It wasn't until the last weekend of the fair that a group of sister-in-law's sisters showed up at the booth to visit.  Meri was with them.  I  recognized her immediately, of course.  They made small talk with my brother-in-law and his wife, and then Meri decided to order an airbrushed onesie for Robyn, who was still expecting her new baby at this point.  She wanted it to say, "I Just Spent Nine Months in Solitary Confinement."  There was quite a bit of speculation on the internet about the sex of the baby.  I figured that Meri knew, and I thought that I might be able to guess the sex of the baby based on the colors that she picked.  She picked a neutral green and brown as her background colors - the color brown, because they were the "Brown Family."

I turned from the counter to look at my brother-in-law.  "Do they get the family discount?" I asked him.

"Sure," he answered with a smile.  "Because you are family, after all."

"How are we family?" Meri asked me.

I explained that I was a Jessop, which name is ever ubiquitous in the polygamy world.  I explained that my great grandfather was an uncle to Lyman Jessop, who is the ancestor of most Jessops in Mormon fundamentalism.  I then explained that I was married to Martha.  Of course she knew who Martha was.

Meri and her sisters excused themselves to enjoy the day at the fair while we proceeded to get her onesie done.  When she came back a couple of hours later, I presented her with the onesie.  She thought it was adorable, and she couldn't wait to give it to Robyn.  Then she proceeded to laugh and talk with her sisters.  Apparently, a carnie had recognized her from TV and had made some comment.

Earlier in the week, I had had dinner with my sister, who lives in Utah.  I had asked how the Browns were generally received by most of the polygamists in Utah.  She told me that a lot of them didn't agree with what they were doing.  The world will never accept plural marriage.  And some have even labeled the Brown family as attention seekers.  This sounded all too familiar to me.  I had gone through something similar.

So I had something to say to Meri.

I approached her and said, "Have many polygs taken the time to thank you for what you are doing?"

"No," she answered.

"Well, thank you," I said.  "Thank you for putting yourselves out there for the rest of us."

"You're welcome," she said.  "Are you a polygamist?"

"Yes, I have two wives.  And you may not believe this, but we have actually done a show on TLC back in 2008..."

I proceeded to gush on and on about our experience.  I told her that we only had a TV crew in our house for a couple of days.  I can't imagine having cameras in your face for such an extended period of time.

"Well, it helps if you like your crew," she said.  "And we love our crew."

So Meri and her sisters excused themselves, and I went back to work.

I learned a couple of things from my visit with Meri Brown.

First, the way she kind of looked at me at while I was talking about MY TV experience - I don't think she believed me.  I think that she thought that I was making it up, like I was a pathological liar, trying to "one-up" her, or something.

Second of all, I had always assumed that the Browns knew who I was, since I had come into the spotlight around the same time as them.  My blog is prolific, and I have appeared on TLC and the History Channel.  I was wrong.  Meri Brown had no clue who I was.  She had no idea who my family was or any of the work we have done.  My work has impacted her life not a bit.  LOL

But I did get to thank her, and hopefully - from one polygamist to another - that meant something to her.

Nancy Grace Belches Her Opinion On Polygamy

On the flip side, check out this article:

So legal expert Nancy Grace thinks that Kody Brown, and his wives, from TLC's "Sister Wives" should all go to jail in her article entitled "Nancy Grace on 'Sister Wives Investigation: 'Kody Should Go To Jail!'"...


"The law is the law — bigamy is a 3rd degree felony in Utah. Those participating in the crime face a maximum of five years in prison and a $5,000 fine. But most likely, Utah will turn a blind eye, as usual."

and...


"When you don’t know a horse, look at his track record. Even with the family taunting authorities on national TV, it’s unlikely Utah will prosecute although clearly, they should!"

There's a nazi in every bunch...

Dr. Kat Talks About Polygamy

Check out this article here.

Dr. Kat is a well-known and respected sex and marriage therapist whom I have known for about 21 years. In this article, she discusses the Brown Family and their show "Sister Wives" on TLC.

Read the whole article! She does talk about me a little bit:

"I grew up in an area with alot of Mormons. I knew of one family who got excommunicated from the church because they followed the early Mormon tenants of plural marriage. I was very good friends with one of the sons. In the midst of discussing bands and art and generally hanging out like most teens and young adults do, we discussed with how one day the plight of Mormon polygamists would not only make an interesting television show but how it might help those of us busy just trying to keep one relationship working, understand and become more accepting of the concept. After all, these are just people trying to follow their belief system, provide for their families and love their partners."

I just have to comment a bit on Dr. Kat. I met her in high school when she was the quintessential, blond cheerleader-type. After getting her phone number and talking on the phone a few times, I quickly came to realize that she was (and is) one of the smartest people I know. Her open-mindedness was refreshing. She was one of the few people that I could talk to about absolutely anything. She shared my tastes in music. We liked the same kind of movies. (I have a specific memory of going to see David Lynch's "Wild At Heart" with her.)

Dr. Kat was open-minded enough that she was one of the first people that listened to me as I confessed my belief in plural marriage. She didn't shoot me down or act shocked. She accepted me for who I am. In fact, she was one of the first people I called when I announced that I was getting married to my first wife, Martha, and she joked, "Oooh, maybe I could be your second wife!"

It has been great to see her career grow as a sex therapist, and I have followed her advice columns and websites for years. I am really luck to have such diverse friends, and I feel very blessed to have a friend like Dr. Kat.

She also mentions in her article:

"I mean what we are protecting here? Whether it is to deny individuals the right to a civil marriage based on sexual orientation or because we think there is something lascivious about multiple wives, or the subjugation of women through this model (we can debate that at another time), the powers that be seem to spend alot of time trying to force the rest of us to do what they think is right. I can think of a few times in history when that didn’t turn out so well.

"I’d like to think that we as a culture are evolving and that we can expand our definition of marriage to include all that are consensual, loving and healthy for those who are engaged in them. Frankly, evolution is not as linear a process as we once thought. Sometimes we end up chasing our own tails or take two steps back to gain one forward. It is a painful process for all of us.

Ultimately, what is good for you may not be good for me and that’s OK. Mutual respect for one another makes more sense than trying to dictate who and how we love. That being said, maybe plural marriage and gay marriage movement should join forces?"

I have always said that gay marriage and plural marriage are strange bedfellows. (Platonic bedfellows, okay? LOL) But it appears that we are in the same boat. And if there were other metaphors, I would use them as well. The older I get - I realize that I don't want anyone telling me what I can or ought to do in my own home, in my own bedroom and with whom. Why would anyone else NOT want the same right? Society, government, church - NO ONE - has the right to tell us how to live our lives - gay, straight, polygamist, monogamist, etc.

And that is my opinion. I will fight for my rights, and I will fight for yours. Have a good day. :)

Sister Wives on TLC

Yesterday, I was actually able to watch the new show "Sister Wives" on TLC, which was a rare treat as I don't have TV at home. I liked it! It did stir up some feelings and memories though, of what it's like to have cameras shoved in your face round the clock.

As a side note, in the past several months, there have been reruns of the show that we did with Dawn Porter on TLC as well as reruns of the show we did on History Channel. But I think it's funny the times that they choose to air them - both of them on Super Bowl Sunday and both of them again during the NBA Playoffs. LOL! The times when everyone will be watching something else. Our ratings were that bad that TLC dusts off our program whenever they have no audience.

But that's neither here nor there...

I remember that they originally pitched the Dawn Porter show at us to be a reality series. Can you imagine? The drab polygamists in the desert with the bright flower Dawn Porter in the middle.... for a whole season?? *shudder* Other production companies pitched series to us - Pink Sneakers, BBC in the UK...

I just can't imagine the stress of having the cameras on us 24/7.

And truth be told, after having watched "Sister Wives" on TLC, I really think that the family on the show - the Kody Brown family - is a much better family for this kind of show. They are very photogenic - Kody looks like he belongs on the Olympic snow team. They are well-adjusted and very smiley.

But most of all, they have a nice house. It's hard to put a good image on something when you are living in a trailer in the desert.

I have never met Kody Brown, even though we used to belong polygamous congregation back in the '90s. My brother-in-law says that I did meet Kody two years ago at the Utah State Fair, but I really don't remember.

But still, it's weird the connections that we have, even though we haven't met.

His wife Meri is a sister to one of my sisters-in-law. But I've never met her. I knew Christine back when we were young and single. I used to have a crush on her sister. But I haven't seen her in over fifteen years. The prospective wife Robyn is a distant cousin of my wife Martha. But I've never met her. When I was sick last year and missed working the Utah State Fair, one of my replacements was Moriah, Meri's daughter.

After watching last night's episode, I think that they are a great family, and I admire them alot. Especially Kody. It was like I looked at him as he addressed certain issues, and I knew what he was thinking. Because I have been there. Like the issue with one wife having fertility issues and being jealous of the other wife having children. I have been there. And I think Kody is handling everything beautifully.

So now, I hear that Utah is investigating the Kody Brown family for potential prosecution. And it breaks my heart. In response to that, I hear other fundamentalist Mormons say, "Well, it serves them right. What did they think would happen going in front of the media? They brought it on themselves!"

And that attitude breaks my heart even more. Somebody has to put themselves out there if we are ever going to make a difference, ever going to be heard. Somebody has to take the risk.

Kody Brown is making a difference for all of us. He is risking himself for all polygamists out there. I don't know if you'll read this, Kody. I'm sure that you are not like me and have better things to do with your time than scan the Internet for things said about you. But I want to say, thank you, Kody, for putting it on the line for me and my family.