Plural Marriage Has a Champion: The Collier Family Challenges Marriage Equality

The Colliers

Last week, the Supreme Court made a momentous decision by ruling in favor of gay marriage, and Facebook exploded in an array of rainbow colors.  Everyone was celebrating marriage equality.

But of course, there were many of us who have personal experience that - whereas this is a positive step for the LGBT community - there are many of us who still do not have the right to marry as we wish, according to the law.  Everyone knew that the fate of polygamy was inextricably tied with that of gay marriage.  In fact, the same day of the SCOTUS ruling, I began to see memes and posts about - what about polygamy?  Does this right extend to polygamists?

Every movement needs its champion.  There has been a history of plural marriage being tried legally and being struck down.  The Reed Smoot hearings in the 1800s are an example.  Roy Potter was a Utah police officer who took his case to the Supreme Court in the 1980s and was struck down.  Potter was essentially told that his right to believe whatever he wanted religiously was constitutionally protected, but not his right to live his religion.

It was weird.  I was thinking about the TV show "Big Love", and how it has changed public perception of plural marriage.  If it wasn't for the success of that show, there would never have been a TV show called "Sister Wives", and, if wasn't for that TV show, Kody Brown would not have had the voice to take his case to court.  In December 2013, I woke up in the middle of the night to an email from a friend of mine, a anthropologist who has studied polygamy extensively.  He was the one who alerted me to the fact that a federal judge in Utah had ruled in favor of the Browns.  He ruled that the anti-polygamy laws were unconstitutional.  This was such a moment of triumph.  I stayed up the rest of the night, posting about it.  Polygamists were celebrating, and the haters were fuming.  But this meant for me that never again would I fear being placed in jail for belief and practice of plural marriage.  Can you imagine what a relief it was?

So back to the concept of a champion - I have wrote about Nathan Collier and his two wives, Vicki and Christine.  They have been featured on the last season of "Sister Wives".  I also had the privilege of presiding at their recommitment ceremony a few years ago in Montana.  What I have not mentioned is how much I admire this guy.  He has held his family together successfully for many years and is a stellar example of plural marriage.  Which is saying something, because this is not something that he was raised around.  He had to figure it out as he went.  I also know him to be a deep thinker and one of the most open-minded guys I know.

So I was not surprised that, only mere days after the SCOTUS ruling, Nathan decided to challenge the Marriage Equality Act by taking his wives to a courthouse in Montana to apply for both of his wives.  This is what he posted on Facebook that morning:

"From civil rights to suffrage, prohibition to slavery, no social injustice has ever righted itself without those willing to sacrifice for the greater good. The Brown family, the Dargers, the Williams family and many others sacrificed their privacy to create awareness of functional plural marriage and they have taken this noble effort farther than I ever thought I would see it in my lifetime. I am truly indebted to them all.
It is now my turn to throw myself on the metaphorical sword in an effort to continue to build upon the work that so many others have begun.
With the blessings and support of my wife Vicki, my wife Christine and I are heading into the Yellowstone County Courthouse today to apply for a Montana marriage license using the Marriage Equality Act as a basis for our claim.
I don't know what to expect or how this will be handled. I expect the application to be denied after which I will file a civil rights lawsuit in federal court. We could possibly be arrested and caged for daring to attempt to legitimize our marriage legally.
My stomach is in knots but I remind myself that this is necessary for change. Please keep us in your hearts."


He took a news crew with him - which Nathan believes is the only thing that kept him from being arrested.  If you watch the news report, it is hilarious to see the expressions of the employees at the courthouse as Nathan explains what he is doing.  Initially, his request for a marriage license was denied, but then he was told that a supervisor would need to review the case, and they would get back to him.

This was yesterday, and, as of today, Nathan has still not heard back from the courthouse.  Along with the Collier family, we are all holding our breath.  It had to start somewhere.  I didn't expect it so soon, but Nathan Collier, and his wives, have stepped up to the plate.  It is hard for me to imagine a world where plural marriage is, not only decriminalized, but legal.  I never thought I would see the day, and that is thanks to the Colliers for their bravery and tenacity.  A big thank you from me and my family to yours.

Dr. Kat Talks About Polygamy

Check out this article here.

Dr. Kat is a well-known and respected sex and marriage therapist whom I have known for about 21 years. In this article, she discusses the Brown Family and their show "Sister Wives" on TLC.

Read the whole article! She does talk about me a little bit:

"I grew up in an area with alot of Mormons. I knew of one family who got excommunicated from the church because they followed the early Mormon tenants of plural marriage. I was very good friends with one of the sons. In the midst of discussing bands and art and generally hanging out like most teens and young adults do, we discussed with how one day the plight of Mormon polygamists would not only make an interesting television show but how it might help those of us busy just trying to keep one relationship working, understand and become more accepting of the concept. After all, these are just people trying to follow their belief system, provide for their families and love their partners."

I just have to comment a bit on Dr. Kat. I met her in high school when she was the quintessential, blond cheerleader-type. After getting her phone number and talking on the phone a few times, I quickly came to realize that she was (and is) one of the smartest people I know. Her open-mindedness was refreshing. She was one of the few people that I could talk to about absolutely anything. She shared my tastes in music. We liked the same kind of movies. (I have a specific memory of going to see David Lynch's "Wild At Heart" with her.)

Dr. Kat was open-minded enough that she was one of the first people that listened to me as I confessed my belief in plural marriage. She didn't shoot me down or act shocked. She accepted me for who I am. In fact, she was one of the first people I called when I announced that I was getting married to my first wife, Martha, and she joked, "Oooh, maybe I could be your second wife!"

It has been great to see her career grow as a sex therapist, and I have followed her advice columns and websites for years. I am really luck to have such diverse friends, and I feel very blessed to have a friend like Dr. Kat.

She also mentions in her article:

"I mean what we are protecting here? Whether it is to deny individuals the right to a civil marriage based on sexual orientation or because we think there is something lascivious about multiple wives, or the subjugation of women through this model (we can debate that at another time), the powers that be seem to spend alot of time trying to force the rest of us to do what they think is right. I can think of a few times in history when that didn’t turn out so well.

"I’d like to think that we as a culture are evolving and that we can expand our definition of marriage to include all that are consensual, loving and healthy for those who are engaged in them. Frankly, evolution is not as linear a process as we once thought. Sometimes we end up chasing our own tails or take two steps back to gain one forward. It is a painful process for all of us.

Ultimately, what is good for you may not be good for me and that’s OK. Mutual respect for one another makes more sense than trying to dictate who and how we love. That being said, maybe plural marriage and gay marriage movement should join forces?"

I have always said that gay marriage and plural marriage are strange bedfellows. (Platonic bedfellows, okay? LOL) But it appears that we are in the same boat. And if there were other metaphors, I would use them as well. The older I get - I realize that I don't want anyone telling me what I can or ought to do in my own home, in my own bedroom and with whom. Why would anyone else NOT want the same right? Society, government, church - NO ONE - has the right to tell us how to live our lives - gay, straight, polygamist, monogamist, etc.

And that is my opinion. I will fight for my rights, and I will fight for yours. Have a good day. :)