Sarine Sighting

My former sister-in-law Sarine was spotted cavorting at a polygamist dance at the RCA Building in Bluffdale, Utah recently. Even though she conspired with the anti-polygamist hate groups to create laws that would persecute polygamists in Arizona by shedding crocodile tears on camera, she is not above trolling for polygamist husbands in Utah whilst she dances the pat-a-cake polka.

Any takers? Apparently none. (Smart bastards.)

My Favorite Memory of Dawn Porter

My favorite memory of Dawn Porter was making small chit chat between takes. It went something like this:

Moroni: So what part of the UK are you from?

Dawn: I am from a small island called Guernsey. It’s off of the coast of France.

Moroni: Yeah, I know where Guernsey is.

Dawn: (surprised) Oh, you do?

Moroni: I’ve never been there, but I know where it is. So is this your first visit to the

United States?

Dawn: I’ve been here once before, a long time ago.

Moroni: And did you visit Arizona the last time?

Dawn: You know, I’m really not sure. Maybe you can tell me – is Arizona by Virginia?

Moroni: (pause) No.

Dawn: Then no, I’ve never been to Arizona.

Sophie, Ratings & Reruns

Our daughter Sophie was really mortified at having to participate in the shoot. It was this reticence that made her so enticing to the producers. They just had to interview her. So it was with glee today that I showed her some of the discussion on different blogs… just about her!

“I felt that she was trying to persuade the viewer that she was right and actually I remember at one point she asked one of the daughters what the benefits of having a family like that was, the camera showed a lot of err, hmm, etcs yet when she came up with reasons the video moved on from that before she could make on good point!”

And then:

“I remember the scene with the daughter (I initially thought she was a wife), and the girl looked uncomfortable about being interviewed, especially when asked if she would ever become involved in a polygamous relationship.”

Also, the ratings for the show was published by Broadcast, a British media journal, and they estimated that 1.8 million people watched the show. That’s 1.8 million people that I just invited into my tiny trailer!

The reruns have been drawing 110,000 people, and there is a rerun at 11PM this coming Tuesday.

Moroni Jessop's "Official" Review of "Dawn Porter: The Polygamist's Wife"

Yeah, you knew this was coming, didn’t you? I couldn’t watch the episode and then NOT comment on it. I downloaded it, and then Martha, Temple and I huddled around my laptop and watched it.

How was? Generally, I think it was pretty good. A dear friend of mine overseas watched it first and wrote me about it:

“I have just finished watching it. While ultimately Dawn decided polygamy was not for her, no surprises there... it was the most positive realistic documentary i have ever seen on polygamy. I think you are going to be really pleased! :)

“Nothing embarrassing was mentioned at all. I think you came across as very genuine my only disappointment was not hearing more from Temple and Martha.

“BTW...your kids are absolutely adorable!!!!!”

I agree. It was pretty positive, and I think that Dawn dealt with us pretty fairly. I do have a few points that I will criticize, however:

1. Centennial Park –

a. I really enjoyed this segment. I really don’t know that much about Centennial Park, only having been there a couple of times. I have had a few acquaintances from this town.

b. I found myself feeling a little bit jealous. They have such a nice home. I wish that I had a house like that, complete with my own “man cave”. LOL Their kids were so well-groomed and well-behaved. What an awesome family.

c. I really admired Ruth’s attitude and the fact that she was not afraid to express her opinions. She did not come across overly-zealous or kooky, either.

d. Come on, Boyd! You should have gone on air. Are ya chicken?? Did I have any less to risk? LOL

e. I was not aware that “gratisfy” was a word. That is kind of like the words “flustrated” or “ignernt”. They exist in the Utah vernacular, and nowhere else in the world.

2. Airtime –

a. The family in Centennial Park received much more airtime than my family.

b. That is because they are they are more what people envision when people imagine polygamists. They fit the stereotype, whereas there is nothing typical about my family.

c. My family, according to the producers, was more “standard”. In other words, if you took away the fact that we live plural marriage, there would be nothing remarkable about my family.

3. Chronology –

a. When Temple watched the episode, she was confused. “So they went to Centennial Park before they came here?” she asked. “They didn’t tell us that.”

b. “No,” I answered. “They came here before they went to Centennial Park. That is just something that they did for the storyline.”

c. The events at the YFZ/ FLDS compound took place AFTER our interview with Dawn. In fact, the raid in Texas happened the day after Dawn left our home.

4. Dawn went out to the “middle of nowhere” and had to “wait an hour” for me to pick her up –

a. Maybe it is in the middle of nowhere, but it is not THAT remote. We have gas stations, movie theaters and restaurant within driving distance, like everywhere else.

b. Dawn DID wait an hour while the producers made me wait in my car down the road, waiting for a cue to drive up.

c. The scene where I drive up, introduce myself and help her into the car – we did that in, like, five takes. It was all totally choreographed.

d. But the whole scene looks great – Joel is an excellent cameraman. I am glad, as he put it in his blog, that he got paid great. I, on the other hand, got paid hardly anything at all.

5. The Condition of the Trailer –

a. This is something that we were very self-conscious about. In fact, we almost didn’t do the shoot because of our living conditions.

b. I feel that this one deserves special mention, so I am composing a post about just this that I will post this weekend.

c. Dawn talks about how dirty our home is, and then they focus in on a pile of laundry in the kids’ room. The producers put that pile of laundry there.

d. The trailer is in bad condition, but it is very clean.

6. Sophie – I couldn’t have been more proud of my daughter and the way she handled her interview with Dawn.

7. My Interview with Dawn: Adultery –

a. Just imagine two days of filming, and the stupidest thing you said in those two days becomes the centerpiece of your interview.

b. Dawn asked me if I hadn’t become a polygamist and stayed married to only Martha – would I have strayed?

c. “That’s a good question,” I answer. “I’ve wondered that myself. I probably would have strayed. I’m a polygamist at heart.”

d. I intended this statement to be commentary on the natural polygamist inclinations of most men, but it really just sounded stupid and made me look like a philanderer.

e. I was married to Martha for 7 years before Temple ever came into our lives. I never cheated once. And I had the chance to many, many times. As a male social worker, many of my clients were single moms. I had women make passes at me on a couple of occasions, and once I was even propositioned. Adultery is a very serious thing to me, and something I never considered.

8. My Interview with Dawn: Sex as a Chore –

a. In an admission that goes against my latino machismo, I admit that trying to satisfy two women can sometimes seem like a chore.

b. I was in the doghouse for a while with one of my wives when she watched this.

9. My Interview with Dawn: Overall –

a. I gave a multifaceted view of why I am a polygamist including sex, the philosophy of sex, history of polygamy in Mormonism, social reasons, etc.

b. They cut out everything and left only the sex questions.

c. Which kind of makes me – and all polygamous men – look like lechers and very one-dimensional.

10. My Children – the part where my children are playing at the fire and getting ready for bed is my favorite part. I am so proud of my kids.

11. The Trailer Shaking – Dawn, you don’t know how true this is, much to my chagrin.

But still, it is largely a positive show, and it was largely a positive experience for me and my family. I have no regrets and would do it all over again. I also think Dawn is way better than Louis Theroux, whoever he is. And she is way better looking than Lilly Allen. (Although, before we met Dawn, Temple did ask me what Dawn looked like, and I said, “Kind of like Lilly Allen.” LOL)

Here is a final email that I received from Dawn yesterday:

Moroni, you have no idea how happy this makes me. I never set out to hurt you guys, and although i wanted to be really really honest in places, I always expected that you might not like the odd comment. But I set out to be honest, and I think I was. i am so glad you appreciate that.

Tell the girls that there were a MILLION things I wish made it to the cut, but you are right, editing makes it impossible, and I cant tell you how frustrating having to be so brutal with the footage is...

I care about you all, and I am glad the experience was positive for you...PHWEW!!!

There were things about your sitiuation that I think we could have slammed you on. We could have depicted you in all sorts of ways. But you didnt deserve to be slammed, and we thought you were a really good man. Which you are!

Please always keep in touch

Much love and many many thanks for your openness and honesty

Dawn x x

"ATTACK OF THE TRAILER PEOPLE" - Feedback On Dawn's Show

So I have been indulging in this exercise of narcissism, which consists of me scouring the Internet, looking for information about myself since “Dawn Porter: The Polygamist’s Wife” aired last Tuesday. There have been a few message boards and a couple of blog posts. But I have been surprised – there is not as much discussion on this episode of Dawn’s show than there was on “Free Lover” or even “Mail Order Bride”. I would have thought that polygamy would at least incite people’s opinions as much as being greased by a bunch of naked Germans. But I guess not.

Oddly enough, the responses were mostly positive. Most people thanked Dawn for her insight into a world that they knew nothing about. They thought that the polygamists shown were mostly normal. Okay, maybe a little weird, and something that they would not choose for themselves, but a legitimate lifestyle. In this sense, Dawn Porter and the producers of the program accomplished exactly what they said they wanted to do – which is to present plural marriage as a legitimate, alternative lifestyle.

Okay, some of the comments were negative, but that’s to be expected. I was called “nuts” (by Dawn herself, apparently!) and “the fat man”. But you know the proverb about negative press – it’s better to have that than none at all… or is it?

Here is what one woman on Dawn’s website said:

“Oh one thing i’d love to know regarding the trailer people who live in the middle of no where… where do the kids go to have fun, play out, shop etc etc? It seems so remote. Oh and I saw childrens beds in the wives bedrooms - do they have sex with the children in the room?”



And here is how I responded:

This is Moroni, one of the “trailer people”. LOL
We just introduced all of our children into the public school system this year, so all of our children are having alot more social interaction with other children.
But we have ALWAYS provided other extracurricular activities for our children - sports, martial arts, ballet, piano, etc.
They also have cousins (dozens) that live close-by, as well as a playground and trampoline at theu grandmother’s house (on the same ranch.) Plus they have acres and acres of land that they can roam on without fear of traffic or drugs or strangers.
Trust me. These kids are probably better off than most.
As far as sex in these tight quarters - Dawn did ask us about that (but it didn’t get aired.) I answered that you have to be an opportunist - like when the kids are out playing and such. Thank God for locked doors!


The following is an article that came out the day after the show:

http://www.tvscoop.tv/2008/10/tv_review_dawn_8.html

TV Review: Dawn Porter: Polygamist's Wife, Channel 4, Tuesday, 21 October, 10pm

Of all of Dawn Porter's new series on Channel 4, this was the one I was looking forward to the most. She'd covered free-love, which ticked the box for all those that just want to ogle our Dawn, as well as investigating the Geisha and mail-order brides. As meaty or flighty as the subjects were, the last in the current series, Dawn Porter: Polygamist's Wife (Channel 4, Tuesday, 21 October, 10pm) was always going to be the most revealing. Polygamists are often derided and seen as 'cultish', as testified by the opening bars of this show, showing clips of a 'sect' that was stormed by federal agents... but was Dawn going into a seedy den, or would she find the lighter side of Mormon living? Thankfully, it erred more on the latter, even if it was filled with weird.

As I mentioned, the show started with a raid on a polygamy camp, with claims of child abuse and the like thick in the air. It was hardly the best time for Dawn Porter to try to spend some time with a polygamist family. However, it was clear that Porter wanted to delve into the world to see if was as wrong as many think it is, or whether it was like any other family (dysfunctions and all), only with more parents.

In the initial meeting, where Porter was vetted, the board of Mormon wives were aggressive, awkward and prickly - not surprising really when you take into account that their way of living is forbidden by federal law. This sees families retreating to baron wastelands in the middle of sod-all, to live in peace. However, The Dawn Porter Charm works a treat and she's granted time with a family (with one lady giggling "You're as cute as a button!").

Dawn's first house tour was bewildering to watch, and bewildering for her. I think there were a million kids, and twice that in rooms. Of course, that's being a bit glib, but that's what it felt like. Even mum lost track of how many people come and went in her house. However, she was keen to point out that this was all about sharing, which on the surface, can't be that bad a thing. However, when that includes the sharing of sex between a husband and his various wives, Porter's (and mine to be honest) mind boggled - how can that ever be normal?

I guess it's understandably that everyone who Porter met was so defensive. I mean, people on the outside just keep saying that the whole thing is weird. I mean, you only have to look at the preconceived notion of what a Mormon family is, to understand why these folks can be so surly. It must also be immensely irritating to have people think of The Osmonds every time someone mentions your belief system. Thankfully, these notions are pretty quickly dispatched and dealt with by Dawn who clearly wanted to get deeper.

"Is it polygamy or just a really high sex drive?" Dawn asks Moroni, a husband to two wives. Through this line, jealousy reared its ugly head and was addressed. Thankfully, it was all honest and self-effacing. Again, you have to step back and note that many monogamous relationships suffer from jealousy just as much... but not quite so in-your-face.
So what makes someone want this lifestyle? For the men, it's obvious what the attraction is: You can have as many wives and girlfriends as you like. But what's in it for the woman. It's never addressed, presumably because it's reasonably well known to everyone but me, but the women aren't granted the same freedom with their bed. One of the reasons given for wanting to be a Mormon wife is to become a Goddess, in the spiritual sense of course.

One thing was clear at the close of the programme is that the Mormon polygamy lifestyle isn't all weird and full of drawbacks, and though you may not agree with it all, you can certainly see plus side. At times, it almost looked like people were living their lives in a hippie commune, all chipping in to help and offer advice. However, it's clear that there are those that abuse this way of living to abuse and control... but is that any different from any other way of life? Even though Porter's show didn't answer many questions, it did enable us to peer into a world seldom seen, and for that reason alone, she should be applauded.


All in all, this article was pretty open-minded.

There was this line: “So what makes someone want this lifestyle? For the men, it's obvious what the attraction is: You can have as many wives and girlfriends as you like. But what's in it for the woman.”

Obviously the question was not adequately addressed in the program, so, this morning, I decided to independently ask my wives: What is the benefit is plural marriage to the woman?

Temple was instantly prickly. “I answered that question in my interview with Dawn! Obviously they didn’t feel that my opinion was worth airing!”

They both said that a benefit was that they were never alone.

Temple said that the main benefit was for the children, being able to interact with each other.

Martha said, “It helps you to think outside of yourself. You are placed in a position where you have to think of others more than yourself, and to overcome your feelings.”

Here is a quote from a review that was not so nice:

What the film really needed wasn't a polygamist's wife but a polygamist husband. Dawn journeyed further into the desert and found one, "a dirt-poor construction worker" who lives, by the look of it fairly joylessly, in a shabby trailer with his two wives and their eight children.

Dawn didn't learn much here, either, and departed with the impression that polygamists are "properly nuts!" They are, Dawn, they are. And you, cute button, are a pain in the nuts.

Joyless?? How would you like a polygamist boot planted on your nuts, buddy? LOL

Here are a couple of more quotes from Dawn’s blog:

“Loved the last show. I was left wondering a couple of things really. How does the guy earn enough money to support so many people, do the wives work as well? And how does he find the energy to satisfy so many wives. I am married and i find it sometimes hard to keep up with one wife in my bed let alone 2+ wives. On the other hand they did seem quite happy and the children seemed the most happy of all. I find myself having the same thoughts as with your first program on free love though. It don’t think it would be for all and to be honest thank god we are all different.”

And:

“Children are brought up in far, far worse scenarios than in Moroni etc’s house. It would never be my choice, but no-one is forcing these women to live like this. And the eldest daughter, when questioned, clearly hadn’t have it rammed down her throat that theirs was the only way to live… she said she didn’t know what her future family set-up would be. As long as the children are loved, cared for and are happy, I don’t think we should judge. It wouldn’t suit me one bit, but I believe in the families’ right to be unconventional!”


Anyway, after thinking that I would never get chance to see the show, I actually downloaded a copy from a file-sharing website. I am not sure how legal it, but since it has my mug… So, I watched the show. Tune in next time for my official critique…

YouTube Clip

There is a YouTube Clip from "Dawn Porter: The Polygamist's Wife":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWprKlHPFYE


All I can think is: Wow, I look really fat. Look at those man boobs.

Moroni

Dawn's Website

Check out the blog comments on Dawn's website:


www.dawnporter.net



Judging by what people are saying, it must have been a good show. I am pleased so far.


Moroni

Ghost Division

Check this out - an old friend sent this to me. This is the punk band I was in in high school - Ghost Division.

We did covers by the Descendents, and the ubiquitous "Louie Louie".

We were mostly really good at sucking.

(Left to right: Brian "Tommy Oz" McQuillen, Jason "Bam Bam" Helms, me, and Matt Stephan, who filled in on one night at a talent show.)

Tonight's the Night!

"Dawn Porter: The Polygamist's Wife" airs tonight on Channel Four at 10PM in the UK!

I am very excited, but also kind of nervous.

Moroni

.

New Baby Arrival

Temple had her baby boy on Saturday, October 18 at 11:14 PM. He weighed 7 lbs. 4 oz.

On Saturday morning, Martha gave a Relief Society lesson in Concho. She asked me to give part of the lesson, so I went along.

Afterwards, someone asked Temple, "So are you having any contractions?"

Temple asnwered confidently, "I'm in labor."

She was calm and collected. So much so that I really didn't believe her.

In the afternoon, I took a nap. When I woke up, Temple was flitting around the kitchen, cleaning and a bit angry. "Am I supposed to cook while I am in labor?" she demanded. I told her that she didn't have to cook. But not before she texted to her family that I am an ass. (Which I am.)

At 6:30PM, she told Martha and me that she was pretty sure that she was in labor. But she said that she wanted a ginger bath. So I drove her to my mom's house. My mom (who has training as a midwife) checked her and told her that she was about 50% effaced. I was worried about getting to the hospital on time, but Temple insisted that she wanted a ginger bath. She had a few contractions just on her way to the bathroom!

Then I began to insist that we needed to go to the hospital.

"My contractions are only 30 seconds long!" she snapped. "They tell you not to even come in to the hospital until they are least a minute long."

"But none of them live in Concho, honey," I said. (The hospital is 35 miles from our home.)

So we left. The 5 miles of dirt road seemed extra bumpy, and I winced everytime the car shook.

On the way, I told Martha, "When you are dealing with the nurses, remember: a little honey goes further than vinegar."

Martha has a tendency to get protective of her sisterwife. She is usually sweet and unassuming. But whenever Temple goes into a labor, a different side of Martha comes out.

We checked into the hospital, and my mother arrived. Our nurse was this big woman with a butch haircut.

"Oh my God," she groaned when she saw everyone in the room. "We are not even sure if she is in labor yet!"

Martha growled. I put a hand on her knee and whispered, "Honey, not vinegar."

Begrudgingly, she calmed down.

That was the only negative incident. The nurses were kind and professional. While they monitored Temple, Martha and my mother rubbed lavender essential oils on Temple's feet, and my mother put hot compresses on Temple's back. The nurse later remarked that my mother could come assist whenever she wanted.

It was a tough labor, but he is finally here. Both mother and child are healthy. And I am about as proud a dad as a man can be.

We are naming him Avery Jackson Jessop, but we won'r have the Naming & Blessing ceremony until next Saturday.

He is my tenth child.

That number is significant to me, because when people would gasp with shock when I told them how many kids I have, I would say something like, "Seven of ten."

Anniversary Story

This is a story I posted on a discussion board back in 2004:

Okay groupies, it's story time,

Once upon a time... Just kidding.

On Saturday, Temple and I had our 5th wedding anniversary.

Since 5 years is a milestone of sorts, we made plans to head up to Pinetop and stay in a rustic little motel up in the pines. On the last paycheck, I set aside money for this, but, as happens, I started to cut into these funds as necessities came up. (You know how it is with kids.)

On Friday, I told Temple that the night-out would have to wait until next pay day. We counted up our money and had enough for a dinner and a movie. Originally, I was going to take her to the White Mountain reservation to see and participate in an Apache sunrise ceremony, but I had a co-worker pass away last week. The funeral was on Saturday, and I was kind of expected to attend.

So Saturday morning, I dressed in my suit. (I never wear suits) And I went to the funeral. Before I left, I told Temple to be ready. When I got back, Temple was dressed and putting on make-up. Aidan (our 2 year old) was taking a nap. I told Temple to hurry, so that we could leave before he woke up.

Temple got this look on her face and told me that maybe we should take him. She hadn't spoken to Martha about watching him. Martha heard this, and insisted that she would watch Aidan.

We went out with the digital camera and took some anniversary photos since I was still in my suit. (I will post one tomorrow.) Then I got out of the suit into something more casual. (What? Did you think I would wear the suit on a night out?) As we got into the car, I assured Temple that Aidan would be fine. Martha came out to see us off and asked if we would be eating dinner out, or if she should leave some for us. I told her we would definitely be eating dinner out.

I started up the ol' minivan. As soon as the engine ignited, we hear a wail and looked up to see Aidan standing at the bedroom window, his little hands and face pressed to the glass, a look of total betrayal on his face. I floored the engine, and we zoomed out of there.

Once we were on the dirt road that takes us to the highway, I saw Temple giving me a dirty look.

"What?" I asked defensively. "If we had gone in to say good-bye to him, it would have made it worse."

Temple agreed with me. (I am always right.)

As we drove to town, Arizona's monsoon season came into full swing. Clouds were boiling over the mountains, and by the time we got to town, it was raining. We had a nice time. We watched a movie and went to a great Sonoran restaurant that opened last year. (I had chile colorado with tortillas, and Temple got pollo asado. I ate her beans.) After we ate, we stopped somewhere to have ice cream.

Then we decided that Aidan had been without his mommy long enough, so we drove home. It was dark, and for the whole 30 mile drive home, sheets of rain were coming down.

I turned off on our dirt road. There were huge puddles and lots of mud. It is exactly 4.5 miles from the highway to my house. 3.5 of that is partially maintained by the county, and not too bad. But the last mile in is privately owned and not maintained. When we get a rain like this, it turns to soup. Some people go "mudding" for fun. I do it to get to and from work.

I was a little nervous, because I have only owned this minvan since March. It has not yet been tested in the mud. When we had our last snow, it got stuck.

"Are you ready?" I asked Temple as we hit the cattleguard that marks the last mile. I buckled my seatbelt "so I don't fall on you in case we tip."

We hit the mud and water, and the engine hummed and the van fishtailed from side to side, and I was cranking the wheel appropriately. I have to admit - I am damn good at driving in the mud. The whole trick is not to stop. If you stop - you are stuck.

We slid into the driveway, the van covered all over with mud. The house was dark and quiet. Temple ran in and then poked her head out.

"No one is home!"

I cursed and checked the time. It was 9PM. They might have gone to my mother's house, half a mile down the road and got stuck because of the mud.

I started trudging back to the car. By now, the mud was caking so much to my shoes, it was like wearing platform shoes.

"Where are you going?" Temple asked.

"I'm going to get them!" I answered testily. I was also getting quite wet in the rain by now.

"No, they are not even here!" Temple said. "They're gone. Martha took the kids and she's at her mother's house."

"What?" I stomped into the house and kicked off my muddy shoes.

In the living room, Martha had set up a small table with two chairs, lace table cloth, a two-tiered cake, wine glasses, fake wine and a note that said:

"To my two favorite people in the world. I have no money, so this is the best gift I could give you. You can't go to a motel, so I have given you the privacy and no noise or no children, just like you were in a motel. Enjoy yourselves, look into each other's eyes and don't worry about Aidan. He is excited to have a sleepover at grandma's."

Temple and I were both very touched. I think I was a little choked up. With the rain coming down, we sat in the candle light and ate cake and smiled at each other.

That's not all. Martha decorated our couch and put a sign on it that said, "Love Seat". She instructed us that we had to sit at least fifteen minutes there. We tried, but I don't think we made it to 15 minutes. :) Privacy is the best aphrodesiac, to a family with so many kids.

It has been the very best 5 years of my life to have these two women in my life. I am lucky.

Moroni

Dawn Porter: Mail Order Bride

Watch "Dawn Porter: Mail Order Bride" here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aC7xtQe2lZw


It comes in five parts, but you can find each of them from here.

Moroni

Ready to Pop!

CHECK OUT TEMPLE, READY TO POP! (She's due October 23.)

Next Week!

Next Tuesday at 10 PM, "Dawn Porter: The Polygamist's Wife" airs.

I have a question for anybody:

The UK's Channel 4 has a website where you can access Dawn's episodes, but it detects where you are and does not let you watch it unless you are in the UK or Ireland. Does anyone know where I can download this episode so that I can watch it?

Anyway, I found an article on the show at this site:

http://library.digiguide.com/lib/uk-tv-highlight/Dawn+Porter:+The+Polygamists+Wife-5176/Documentary/


The pros and cons of having many wives

Dawn Porter: The Polygamist's Wife, showing Tuesday October 21st on Channel 4 at 10:00pm

Dawn Porter's journey around the world - looking at the most extreme ways that women find love, and live, with men - concludes with a trip to the USA to enter the controversial and secretive world of polygamy. From a town of polygamists to a family hiding in the wilderness while the husband searches for a third wife, Porter (pictured) meets the women who share their men and asks: "Does sharing your life and husband with multiple wives really work and make everyone happy?"

With a backdrop of international headlines blaring about abuse inside a Texas Mormon community, the first part of Porter's experience sees her travel to remote Arizona to try to gain access to an extraordinary town where all the families live a polygamous lifestyle.

But the news breaking about the alleged abuse in Texas has made the community nervous and Porter must face a jury of senior polygamist wives before she's let into the town. "I couldn't have chosen a worse moment to get into a Mormon household," she admits.

"We're putting our faces out there, we're putting our lives in danger, our children in danger, our husbands our livelihoods, our homes, our family, our community," explains one senior wife. "And believe you me, Dawn, that takes courage. And I'm glad that we have ladies that have that kind of courage to stand up for our way of living. We don't say it's for everybody but we say it's for us."

Against the odds and after an intense interview, Porter is allowed access to the community and moves in with a prosperous family of three wives and some 20 children, witnessing first-hand some of the positives and negatives of this unusual arrangement.

Next Porter gets a husband's point of view, meeting a man living in a remote part of the desert with his two wives and children as he seeks wife number three. Talking to the women and children in this modest setting, Porter discovers the sacrifices people make for this uncoventional way they live and love.

"The minus side is jealousy," says Porter at the end of her trip. "Gnawing, uncomfortable and very real. But there is a plus side too, a growing sense of companionship and mutual help - especially when times get tough".


I can see that they are going to play this from the "man searching for another wife" bit.

True, I would accept another wife if the circumstances were right, but I have not been "looking" for a long time. I told Dawn this several, several times.

*Sigh*

We'll see how it goes...

Vato Plyg

CHECK OUT THE BUCK TEETH ON THAT FAT MEXICAN.

Booyakasha! LOL

A Comment on the FLDS...

So, inadvertently, I have been turning my blog into an anti-FLDS rant, so I wanted to backpedal a bit. I realized this when I read some of the responses to my post. There are many things that I disagree on with the FLDS. I have mentioned a few items:

a. The “One-Man”Doctrine – or the selection of a potentate to preside over them. (This is not singular to the FLDS, but to many groups.)
b. The Doctrine of Placement – or arranged marriages.
c. The tendency to marry young – I am the father of a teenage daughter that is almost fifteen. I am not keen to the idea of her marrying anyone just yet.

But I want to point out - generally, all FLDS people that I have met have been kind and very amiable. In spite of the few differences, there are more similarities. It is akin to me criticizing my older brother. I can make fun of him all I want, but if you do it, watch out.

Yes, I am soft-spoken and considerate, but I am also very vocal and critical in some areas, especially when it comes to questioning authority. That is my nature to be mildly dissatisfied with everything. That is the mark of my generation – when nobody knew who Madonna was, I liked her; when she became a megastar, I hated her. The first week “Titanic” showed in theaters, I thought it was a great movie, but the moment the hype started, I couldn’t stand it.

So when I start on one of my rants, one shouldn’t take me too seriously.

When “Big Love” first came out a couple of years ago, I wrote a letter to the Arizona Republic that was openly critical. I got chewed out by someone in our community who was ex-FLDS. “How do you know that it is like that there?” she demanded of me. “Were you raised there? Do you really know?”

She had a good point. So I thought I would post a brief history of my connection to the FLDS. In order to do that, I have to go waaaaaay back.

The Mormon fundamentalist movement was largely born in the town of Millville, Utah (near Logan). Some young men from that town got a job at a radio plant in Salt Lake City. Their last names are names that are common in the polygamy movement today (Jessop, Barlow, Jenson, etc.). One of those men was my great grandfather and namesake, Moroni Jessop. These men met a charismatic little cowboy named Lorin Woolley, who claimed to have received a special commission from the late LDS Church President John Taylor to keep plural marriage alive. The meetings they held afterhours in the radio plant gave birth to the Mormon polygamy movement today (even in all its schisms).

My grandfather Jack Jessop was a part of this. He was a rough and rowdy former pro-boxer who met my grandmother at a dance, kissed her, got slapped and wound up walking her home. But she was staunch LDS. Her family warned her about marrying him, since he was a Jessop. “He’ll take another wife.” So she extracted a promise from him that he would not live polygamy, they got married, stayed active in the LDS Church, stayed away from the polygamists and relocated to California where my dad, Ted Jessop, spent his childhood.

Jack Jessop died when my dad was a boy, and my grandmother’s family jealously guarded Ted from his polygamist relatives. It wasn’t until my dad was a returned missionary that he came into contact with some of his Jessop relatives. With access to the BYU library, he set out to prove his relatives wrong, but wound up uncovering a conspiracy perpetrated by the LDS Church to cover up the early teachings and practice of polygamy. This bothered him, but the Church threatened to excommunicate him. So for the next twenty years, he kept his thoughts on the matter to himself and stayed active in the LDS Church.

But he began getting to know his polygamist relatives, nephews of his own grandfather – Vergel Jessop and Fred Jessop, residents of Colorado City and FLDS members. He also associated with others like Newel Steed, and my Uncle Jim Jessop, who was unaffiliated with any group.

We lived in Utah, but my mother’s family lived in Phoenix. So our trips to Phoenix rarely went by without a visit, stopping by Uncle Vergel’s house. His wives were sweet and always served us homemade bread and canned peaches. But I remember thinking that they weren’t Mormon, because they drank coffee.

Once, they invited us to stay the night. The spread blankets out on the living room floor, and the children went to sleep on the floor. I was only 6 years-old and belonged to the LDS Church. I woke up in the middle of the night when the old grandfather clock in their living room struck midnight. I had such a peaceful feeling come over me, and I KNEW that there was something special being lived in that home. And at 6 years-old, I KNEW that someday I would live the same form of marriage that was being lived there.

It is funny writing about that, from the present, being a polygamist. That sentiment has been fulfilled. But at that time, I had no idea what path would bring me to this point.

When I left Arizona to begin my life as a Mormon fundamentalist, my dad stopped me in the hallway and placed his hands on my shoulders, laughed and shook his head. “I don’t think the world of Mormon fundamentalists is ready for you yet.”

I am odd. I am weird. I have never fit in anywhere. I have always been the proverbial square peg. I have often tried to stop and talk to FLDS people when I see them in the grocery store, in a restaurant, and they always look at me like I am a nut.

Generally, I think the FLDS are strange, and I find many of their practices to be different and contrary to the gospel, as I understand it. But then I am different and contrary, often as well. And definitely strange.

But I wept tears when I saw what happened in Texas. I would give everything I have - I would give my own life to protect them in their liberty to live their religion according to the dictates of their own conscience.

Race

In my previous post, a couple of readers posted some comments about me marrying a Mexican, and whether or not this would cause a problem for the FLDS.

I want to comment - "I" am the one who is Mexican, half anyway.

My father served a mission for the LDS Church in Mexico. Even though he was your typical English-born American, he spoke Spanish fluently and preferred to speak Spanish in our home. My mother was born in Mexico, but immigrated (legally) with her family when she was a little girl.

My wife Martha is of Irish and Japanese descent. My wife Temple is of German origins. I always joke that, together, they are the Axis Powers.

It is ironic that the issue of race came up, because a (non-Mormon) friend of mine sent me the following:

"'Mormon polygamists are great haters. They hate the United States Government, they hate the Black race, they hate the Jews. They hate gentiles. They hate apostates. Hate unifies the group. The Mormon fundamentalist prophets use hate the same way Hitler used the Jews as an object of hate to unify Germany.' http://www.polygamyversuscommonsense.com/id33.htm

"I mean really! That has got to be one of the most ignoramus blanket statements I have seen! And to add fearmongering by the injection of Hitler's name?? Good grief, Moroni!I can see more and more what an uphill battle you have had just to practice what you believe. I'm shaking my head in disbelief, and disgust, at some who populate the human race. Ugh."

And my reply was:

Wow, that statement was a bit of an overstatement. Lol

But to tell you the truth, Mormon polygamists are not really that diverse of a group. With several exceptions, I have met many who do hate black people, Jews, and the government. You can guess, with me being half Mexican, the kinds of things I have had to deal with.

So yeah, there are some who are like that, but then there are some that are really good people. Like any social group, there are good and bad. There are a couple of groups in Mexico that are all Mexican. But one of the things that I like about our little community is our diversity. There are many of us who are of Mexican descent, and Martha’s family is of Japanese descent, and we have a family that is Polynesian from New Zealand. Probably the most diverse sub-group in the Mormon polygamy world.


I was born and raised in Utah, but I spent my formative years in Casa Grande, Arizona - about a two hour drive from the border, as well as a town whose population was almost half-latino. I never experienced racial prejudice until I moved to Utah and began associating with Mormon fundamentalists.

I remember some people treated me somewhat offishly, and then one girl asked me, "So growing up in Arizona, did you live around alot of Mexicans?"

I answered that I did.

"How could you stand that?" she asked.

I shrugged. "It didn't bug me, because I'm Mexican."

The look on her face - priceless.

So I realize that my skin is probably just a shade too dark for the FLDS. I have always said that you can tell everything you want about me from my full name:

Moroni - I am Mormon

Lopez - I am Mexican

Jessop - I am a Mormon fundamentalist

I am proud of all three.

Fundamentalism & Power

The acclaimed author Salman Rushdie once wrote, “Fundamentalism is not about religion; it’s about power.”

Being a Mormon fundamentalist, this statement bothered me at first, but as I examined my experiences, I realized that Rushdie was correct. Even though Rushdie comes from a Muslim background, and I come from a Mormon background the statement resonates true.

When I became a Mormon fundamentalist, I questioned the establishment of the Mormon Church and embraced the “fundamentals” of the early Mormon doctrines – like polygamy and United Order. But in the eighteen years since I was excommunicated from the LDS Church, there have been many characters who have come out of the woodwork, so to speak, who have tried to establish power over me.

This issue of power has become poignant in my thoughts after browsing through the Salt Lake Tribune’s blog on plural marriage (run by Brooke Adams.) Someone at the Tribune posted a link to a tabloid photo that had this ridiculous photo of Warren Jeffs turning into “Batboy”. You’ve seen the photo – the digitally altered photograph of a boy with huge eyes and long ears that you sporadically see on the magazine rack of your local supermarket. You can look at it here:

http://166.70.44.68/blogs/trent/2008/10/warren-jeffs-turns-into-bat-boy/


I thought it was hilarious. But obviously this offended many of the FLDS people. Many of them started posting these tirades about how this photo was degrading to their “prophet”.

So my opinion on Warren Jeffs. I guess I am related to him. My Aunt Kay married his father. But I have never met him. Nor do I care to. He is a despot and a freak. He is no more a prophet than my dog Cookie. Does that mean that I think he deserves his jail sentence? No, I really don’t believe that he should be locked away for life. Does that mean I think that the FLDS shouldn’t have the right to revere him? No, but it illustrates the difference between the FLDS and myself. But does it mean that the photo wasn’t funny? No. The FLDS need to learn the value of satire.

It is totally foreign to me how they can fawn over him so much and elevate him on a pedestal to such heights that they make a living god out of him. You should read some of their rhetoric. It borders on fanatical. I could never think so highly of any man.

So I couldn’t resist making a statement that they needed to get a sense of humor. Mistake or not – I am not sure, but I couldn’t help it. I told them that their lack of humor was not helping their case. They immediately attacked me, and one of them launched a personal attack against me that is quite fun to read. Check it out the exchange:

FLDS: Apostates are the warts and all, be honest. What exactly are you looking forward to? I remember when you were in diapers, and peweee, what a smell. You even dribbled the fecal contents as you strode along, singing a song. But at least you were singing the song. Some never overcome that in this life, see, speaking in parable, or what you'd call metaphor. Still, the FLDS born are all children of the prophets, so I retain some hope in that. The prophets will feel after their own more than any other, and especially if they can keep their diapers clean. All are children without control of their bodies, who fall away from the Gospel that sows to spirit and not the flesh.

Moroni: I don't really understand your incoherent post.But I want to tell you - I have never been part of the FLDS, I have never associated with the FLDS and I never will be associated with the FLDS.So I don't know why you think you remember changing my diapers.I read your post and I the song I am singing is, "Cuckooooo."

FLDS: Ahh, see? Flushed you out, and what flushes? Poop! Cookoo! I suspect that YOU, being named Moroni Jessop, descend from fundamentalist polygamy, even FLDS. So if you're not there now, your people apostatized from it, right? I suspect that you AUB, see? And what did they do? Apostatized from the FLDS with Joseph Musser. Am I right? Huh, am I? Well! Speak up. I remember that, so yes it is the truth: I remember changing your diapers.And what is a people that is flushed from the Tree of Life? Poop is what gets flushed, right? Well! Doesn't it.Well okay then. We agree. Now come to Jesus.

Just a follow up, my little man. You have now confessed to the cookoo song of the AUB ("The Allreds"). But what saith the Lord? 1And I saw another sign in heaven, great and marvellous, seven angels having the seven last plagues; for in them is filled up the wrath of God. And I saw another sign in heaven, great and marvellous, seven angels having the seven last plagues; for in them is filled up the wrath of God. And I saw as it were a sea of glass mingled with fire: and them that had gotten the victory over the beast, and over his image, and over his mark, and over the number of his name, stand on the sea of glass, having the harps of God. And they sing the song of Moses the servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying, Great and marvellous are thy works, Lord God Almighty; just and true are thy ways, thou King of saints. Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest. (Rev.15:1-4)This is the song we sing, and it can only be sung within the Tree of Life, on seven planes and the minion circle of prayer, by those who know it and have receive it from the Lord.

Moroni: If you were even remotely civil and not so pompuous, I would treat your beliefs differently.But since you were plain in stating your opinion, I will be equally plain:1. Joseph Musser did not apostatize from the FLDS, the FLDS apostatized from Joseph Musser.2. The FLDS still does not understand fullness of priesthood, still does not even know what it is.3. The FLDS implimented such false doctrines as "placement" and "child marriages".4. They are still reaping the consequences of that.Keep your rhetoric and your "prophet" to yourself.

Just read the lingua franca. It is insane. It reminds me of Church Lady, or Marcia Gay Harden’s character on the movie “The Mist”. How can one person hold so much sway over people?

So this brought my thoughts on power and some of my observations and experiences surrounding it:

1. The LDS Church excommunicated my WHOLE family for belief in plural marriage – not the practice of it. None of us were living it at the time. What the LDS Church objected to was my father teaching about it to his children. They wanted to control what my father could or could not teach in his own home.

2. My family was also cut off from the Allred Group (AUB), because we openly criticized how a man we loved was handled unrighteously. Mormon doctrine clearly states that a man must be tried by his peers, with a chance to defend himself. But certain men – because of their priesthood callings – felt that they could lord over the congregation and decide who could belong and who couldn’t.

3. When my father died, there were men who so thoughtlessly stood up and offered to take over my father’s affairs (his wife, his sons, his property) in his absence.

4. The recent division in my community occurred when I - and others - were not allowed access to the prayer room and stripped of our callings. Why? Simply because we disagreed with the opinion of the man who presided.


The scriptures say that the nations will go unto Zion “for her laws are just”. For a people who is supposedly meant to administer justice to the whole world, the Mormons – especially the fundamentalists – are not very just with each other. After going through all this, I vowed to myself that I would never lay down for any other man. I would never sacrifice my own sense of good judgment just because someone “told me to.”

I don’t mean to get preachy. I have always refrained from preaching on this blog. But I do believe in priesthood, and if men are to have positions of power, it is only to bring everyone else up to the same level. Most men with power abuse it, but I have known a few leaders who have exemplified humility and sacrifice – my father Ted Jessop was one of them, along with a few others. These men taught me that God did not intend to have Zion to be presided over by one man, one prophet – but a nation of prophets.

To me, arranging marriages, telling people who they can or can’t marry is the ultimate expression of exerting power over people, extracting obedience from them.

I think Joseph Smith expressed it best in some of his writings while he was in Liberty Jail:

36 That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.
37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.
38 Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.
39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.
40 Hence many are called, but few are chosen.
41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuaion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile— D&C 121.

Cool People Who Rock

So the way that mainstream Mormons treat me, you would think that I am the devil. And when you are demonized incessantly by a group of people, you begin to view them with contempt.

But every now and then, you come across an exception that makes you realize that there are good people (and bad) in every social structure.

Here are two examples of mainstream Mormons that rock:

1. My Wife's doctor:

My wife Temple requested that I delete this part about her doctor. Even though I didn't mention his name, she cares very much about his privacy and asked that I delete this part of the post.

But trust me - he rocks.

2. Local Social Worker in Concho -

She visits many of the small children in our community and checks on their development. She was in local Relief Society meeting and - again - the polygamists were being talked about in a negative way.

She told them, "I know many of the polygamists in the area. They are kind to me, and I don't like hearing people talk bad about them. If this is what Relief Society is about, then I'll get up and leave right now."

That ended the discussion. She rocks, too!

I can't tell you how much I appreciate people like this. They can identify that THEY would not adopt this lifestyle, but they are sympathetic enough to want to leave us to live our religion in peace and dignity.

* * *

BTW, my sister reported to me that some of my extended family is reading my blog and took exception with a sentence I posted back in June:

" Temple is in SoCal for the summer. Ew. I hate being a monogamist. How do you guys cope? LOL

Apparently it was assumed that this was a sexual reference. I suppose there are some out there who think that everything I think, do or say in a plural relationship revolves around sex. Trust me, my statement was totally innocuous and NOT about sex. Sheesh.

Religulous

Bill Maher's "Religulous" comes out this weekend.

It is a docudrama that follows Bill Maher around as he questions religion and its role in news events. He even takes cracks at Mormons.

I am going to see it, because I love Bill Maher. He is the funniest guy on the planet, and believe it or not, I agree with 75% of what he says. He can come and take potshots at this polygamist any time he wants.

If he did, I could say, "Bill Maher made me look like a total ass, and I loved it!"

I want to go see it, but our little theater in Show Low, Arizona is not showing it.

I also want to see it, because Charlie Siskel - the producer of "Dawn Porter: Extreme Wife", who walked around my home for two days - executive produced this movie.

So You're A Polygamist. What Now?

So what was is it like to become a polygamist?

I’ll tell you this much – I had no clue. I had no example. While I lived in Utah, I had plenty of examples, but none that I was particularly close to. Yes, there was my Uncle Jim. But he was iconic. He was so much older than me and had mastered the intricacies of it decades ago.

Our small community in Arizona really didn’t have anyone who actually LIVED the Principle. Just families who believed that way and had actually not yet put it to practice. My father didn’t start advocating polygamy until he was in his fifties. He had had a brief stint as a polygamist, but that’s about it. My father-in-law had been a polygamist, but his second wife had left him eight years previous.

I had no one to tell me how to do it let alone how to live it correctly. I was on uncharted territory, so to speak.

My first inkling on how difficult it would be was the day I arrived in Utah to propose to Temple. Martha and I pulled into Temple’s driveway at 2AM, and she came out in her pajamas to greet us, very excited that we were there. I gave her a big hug. Then Temple put a mattress out on the floor for us. As Martha and I lay down to sleep, I noticed that Martha had suddenly grown cold, withdrawn and distant. When I pressed to find out what was wrong, she hissed at me, “I saw you kiss Temple!” I was baffled. Never had my lips met Temple’s. The thing that shocked me was this – always when Martha was upset was I able to cheer her up and calm her. This time I found her inconsolable. I saw a side of her that I never knew existed.

The next morning, I was standing in the hallway, talking to Temple. Martha walked by and saw us and then stormed away in anger. I followed her. Again she accused me of kissing Temple. And again, I had not even been within touching distance of Temple.

These accusations went on like this all weekend until I grew weary of being accused of something I had not done. So – using my “guy” logic – I figured that I might as well do what I was being accused of. If I was going to be reprimanded for my behavior, I might as well indulge in the behavior. So one evening, Temple asked me to feed the animals with her. We stepped outside, and I kissed her

After we got engaged, Temple came out to Arizona to spend about two weeks with us, to see if this is what she really wanted. We suggested it, because when you spend time like that with someone it is kind of hard to put your best face forward continually. You can get a general feel for what they are like. We found that we all got along.

There was the instance that we brought up babysitting to Temple. Martha and I did not have a babysitter. I had a mother who – at the time – was not very grandmotherly and would not watch our kids for us. So anytime we went anywhere, we took our kids. If we wanted to go on a date, we picked an activity where we could take the kids. We hadn’t been on a real date in years.

We shared this with Temple, adding that it would be a relief to be able to go on a real date finally. Temple told us in no uncertain terms that she was NOT coming into our family to be a babysitter, and even if we asked her to watch our kids, she would not. That was years ago, and she doesn’t feel that way any longer. In fact, she has watched Martha’s kids many, many times. But Martha and I are still apprehensive about asking her to this day to babysit for us.

At the wedding, Temple was a beautiful bride of barely nineteen years. Martha, the maid of honor was big and eight months pregnant. The reception was in Utah, and we kept it secret from the guests (mostly Temple’s neighbors) that this was a polygamous marriage.

The next day, we loaded Temple’s belongings (packed into cardboard boxes) on top of our Dodge Caravan and headed back to Arizona. The honeymoon would have to wait. I had had to call in sick to my job to attend my own wedding. (What was I going to tell them? That I was taking a second wife??) On the way, the summer monsoons of Arizona rained down on us, and all of her belongings got soaked.

So I took my second wife home to my humble, double-wide trailer. Where was I going to put her? It was only a two-bedroom house. Martha was in the master, and the kids were the other one. I offered to move the kids out and let her have the other bedroom. She refused. Once you realize how thin the walls are in trailers, you begin to understand why. We put a mattress on the floor in the living room and put curtains around the mattress. Eventually we partitioned off the living room and made an extra bedroom.

We settled into a pattern where I would stay one night with one wife, and the next. But I was finding that life was very different. I was used to winding down at the end of the day by reading a book. Immediately, my new wife said, “Oh no, I only get you every other night. I am not going to waste my night with you reading!”

I started to resent my evening times, because I could not unwind. I was not allowed to read. I was still dealing with the jealousy of both wives.

Here is a scenario not dealt with by many people:

You come home from work and one wife takes you aside and accused you of showing favoritism and more attention to the other wife. After you calm her down, you go to see the other wife, and she accuses you of the same thing. So which is it? Which wife were you really showing favoritism to? You can’t invalidate the feelings of either wife, but you know in your mind that they can’t both be right. Some advice, my friend. Be wrong. Being right is not worth it. Take your lumps and be wrong and preserve the peace in your home.

I would come home from work and park in the driveway and wish I could go back to work. I would sigh and wonder which wife was mad at me. Then I would go inside and invariably find one of them upset at me for something that I had done, or not done, it didn’t matter.

It would piss me off to go to meetings and hear other (monogamous) Mormons bear testimony of the “beauty” of plural marriage. “It’s just theory for you, buddy!” I would think. “What do YOU know about plural marriage, all safe and secure with your one wife?” The truth is – I could find no beauty in it at all.

As a last resort, I called a friend of mine in Utah. He was a man who had lived the Principle for several years until his wife died of cancer. Truth be told, he was the best example of plural marriage I had ever known. I really looked up to this man (and still do.)

I emailed him and told him, “They’re always mad at me. What should I do?”

He sent me back this smug reply: “Well, I’m happy for you. Be glad that they are mad at you, and not each other.”

One of the suggestions that he gave to me: “Change your vernacular. Change the way you define your time. Don’t let your wife say ‘my night’. Because it’s not her night, it’s your night. You choose where you spend your night. It will help.”

That was great advice. I found success in plural marriage in not giving a damn. Before, I had stretched myself thin trying to make them happy. The minute I STOPPED trying to make them happy, then it worked. “You don’t want me to read? Well, I’m sorry you feel that way. Excuse me. I want to finish this chapter before I go to bed.” It was weird. I don’t think it got easier. It’s just that my capacity to deal with it got easier.

It took about a year, and I can’t really identify when it got easier. But I remember this night – and Dawn talked about it in her article – I was laying on the couch, reading a book. Martha and Temple were in the kitchen, laughing and playing Scrabble. I lay there and realized that they genuinely liked each other. And I was happy. I realized that this is what I wanted, and that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Plural marriage IS beautiful. But it is not for the weak or faint-hearted. Unless you are strong, unless you are fair, unless you know how to sacrifice – it will tear you apart. There is a maxim that we have learned in all of this – it works as long as all parties involved (husband, wives) are willing to sacrifice their own feelings for the sake of the others. Once one person decides they have had enough and are no longer willing to sacrifice, then it becomes a hellish experience.

BTW, these are many of the same things I said in my interview with Dawn.

Temple

So I said that I would write about Temple tonight...

When I first married Martha, we made an agreement (together) that we would live the Principle. Even so, Martha had a hard time with even the idea of entering plural marriage. We could not talk about it. We could not even joke about it.

I remember that I bought a Sega Genesis (which was all the rage in the early '90s). I loved that machine. I would game until my eyes dried up in their sockets. I joked with Martha that I would take my Sega Genesis as a second wife. so that I could divide my time equally between them. Martha did not find that funny.

About a year after Martha and I tied the knot, I met a girl from England (who came from a Mormon fundamentalist family.) I thought she was pretty, intelligent and it drove me nuts that other fundamentalist young men were intimidated by her due to the fact that she was foreign. But I didn't think much else about her until I dreamed that she was my second wife. And then I dreamed it again. And again. It got to the point that I was dreaming every night about it. I figured that I had better tell Martha.

So one morning, I woke up and told Martha about what I had been dreaming. She put her head down on her pillow and cried. I felt awful.

But the next Sunday, she walked over and started trying to befriend this English girl. It didn't work out, but that doesn't matter. The point is - Martha and I crossed that line where we were actively trying to become a polygamous family.

I tried finding another wife, but it is not like dating in the conventional sense. You already have a wife for one.

I remember that I prayed to God once as to which lucky girl I should try to date, and one young woman immediately came to mind. "Not her, " I thought. She was a sweet girl, but a little overweight (okay, I am shallow) and I was not attracted to her.

So I set out and called this girl's dad and asked if I could court her. He said that he would get back to me. Over the next week, I sat back and waited for her ecstatic reply. What a lucky girl she would be, I thought, to have a guy like me as her husband. I would be rescuing her. One week went by - no reply. On the second week, I realized that - in spite of her weight - she was a very attractive girl. I think I could learn to love her.

After two weeks with no reply, I was starting to wonder. So I called her dad back.

He told me, "I talked to her, and, I'm sorry, but she's just not interested. But you asking about her gave her the confidence and courage that she needed to ask someone that she has had her eye on."

My first feeling was relief. My second feeling was a sense of loss that she was not interested in me. She got engaged to someone else and ran into my sister.

"How is Moroni?" she asked my sister. "I hope he's not feeling to bad about this."

"Ha!" I thought. "Me?? Feel bad??"

But then I realized that inadvertently I had made her feel good about her self. Perhaps that was God's intent on having me go through this.

Years later, Martha and I got a phone call from her father. He was a truck driver at the time, hauling vehicles all across the country. He would be passing by down I-40, and he asked if we could drive up to Holbrook at meet him for dinner. So we drove 60 miles north to a truck stop where we sat in a restaurant and had ribs with him.

He gave us some advice about entering polygamy. "If you and Martha will covenant with each other and God that you will accept into your family whomever He sends, the doors will open up for you to live this law."

So in a parking lot in Holbrook, Arizona at midnight, Martha and I sat in our car alone and made that promise to God.

Months later, I started to date Martha's younger sister.

It is funny to write this, because she is now married to my older brother, Tony. And I cannot imagine any other possible outcome except that they be married.

We went on a couple of dates, but it didn't work out. However, I had invested myself emotionally into the whole situation. Martha's father approached me and said that the girl was not ready and that I should give it time. Perhaps in another year or so, I could try again. I agreed with this assessment.

Years later, my older (and single) brother approached me and asked if I minded if HE gave it a try to date Martha's sister. I told him to go ahead, but I felt an uncharacteristic stab of jealousy. The jealousy only increased as I watched them grow closer and closer.

"Martha's sister is senstive," I told myself. "Tony is gruff and outspoken. He's going to say something that will hurt her feelings, and then she will break up with them and be free to court me."

As soon as I caught myself in this thought, I asked myself - how would I really feel if she dumped Tony for me? I realized that I would not want Tony to be hurt. To the point that - even at the sacrifice of my own feelings, I would want her to stay with Tony.

The very second I admitted this to myself, the feelings of jealousy - even the feelings of what I thought was love - were gone. It was like a weight lifted off of my chest, and I understood the whole reason I had experienced such intense emotions. Even though she was not mine to give, I had to give her emotionally to my brother. I experienced all of this so that I would understand what Martha had to go through as she watched me take another wife.

I had tried to enter polygamy many times over the years. I now realized that I had never been ready or emotionally mature enough to live it successfully. Now, for the first time, I felt ready to live the Principle.

I told Martha, "It's like I am in love with someone out there, and I don't know who."

Three weeks later, my mother was visiting some friends in Richfield, Utah. She met a family that had a daughter that was 18 years-old. My mom said that she had really like this young lady, and then she leaned over and whispered to me, "I think that she would go very well in your family."

This young lady's name was Temple.

I went home and told Martha, "This is her. This is the one we have been waiting for."

I decided that I would write this young lady, even though I had never seen her. I went and shared the news with my mother. She was shocked.

"You've never even met her!" she said. "Don't you even want to wait until you see her?"

I reluctantly agreed with my mother. It would be crazy to write a girl I had never met. I went home and went to bed.

When I woke up, I found that my wife Martha had written a letter to Temple. I took this as a good omen. So I wrote a letter to Temple's father, and I wrote a letter to Temple and put all three letters in an envelope.

I remember going to the post office and holding that letter halfway inserted into the slot, thinking, "If I drop this envelope, it will be too late."

I dropped the letter...

Two weeks later, I had a chance to go with my parents to Utah. Tony went with us. We decided to stop and visit Temple's parents. I was nervous to finally get to meet her. Tony kept asking, "What if she is ugly?"

Temple's brother answered the door. He had shoulder-length hair. For a moment, Tony assumed that the long-haired brother was Temple. "Oh man," he thought. "I feel sorry for Moroni."

I met Temple and was immediately attracted to her. The feeling was mutual. That night, we talked on the phone and she laid the rules and groundwork for a courtship. We corresponded for two months and got married two months after that.

So what is it like to become a polygamist? Tune in soon and find out.


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Martha

A friend of mine recently suggested that I balance out some of the negativity of my blog by writing about my family.

Like the angst-ridden poet who turns misery into art, there is nothing that gets my fingers clacking on the keyboard more than righteous anger. lol And I have had so much lately. So.. since I am going to start writing a book about my experiences, this will be good practice.

In 1990, I had two choices before me - DJ or fundamentalist. I had just returned from Europe and had fallen in love with electronica. Acid House. Belgian New Beat. Techno. Anything with a heavy, grinding beat.

I had spent my time as a student in Belgium in 1988, and - ironically, in 1989 - all of the dance clubs in the States from Phoenix to Austin, Texas were spinning Belgian New Beat. Jade 4U, Lords of Acid, 101, Miss Nikki Trax. Anything from Belgium was hot. New Beat took the 160 bpms of techno and slowed it down to a 120 bpm grinding sound that was harder than anything this side of Deep Purple.

I spent every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights driving the 50 miles from Casa Grande to Phoenix or Tempe to work up a sweat on such underground clubs as the Assylum, Out of Water and Six Feet Under.

I looked the part. Longish hair. Smiley buttons. So many bracelets that I set off metal detectors. (The truth.) Biker's jacket. Doc Martens. Bandaids on the fingers. (Don't ask me why; I don't know.)

Not only that - I wanted to be the guy in the booth. I wanted to be a deejay. All of my spare money went to building up my vinyl collection. I pumped out homemade mix tapes and gave them to friends. I played my music at parties. (I remember someone turning off my music at one party and replacing it with Aerosmith. One girl came up to me and sneered, "Now this is REAL music.")

There was one night where me and two other aspiring deejays (with better equipment) set up in an empty cotton warehouse outside Arizona City, and I learned with joy how to work the varispeed.

My friend Steve and I found an abandoned parts warehouse in oldtown Casa Grande. We peered through the storefront window at the empty, dusty space inside. There was a loft that would perfectly serve as the deejay booth. We were going to open up Casa Grande's first dance club. We would have a stupid country night to cater to the town's cowboy crowd, but every other night would strictly play the budding alternative sounds of the late '80s.

My dad was concerned with the direction my life was heading. He perceived (correctly) that my lifestyle was taking me away from the gospel. So he made an offer - he would pay my tuition if I would move in with my polygamist uncle and go to college in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I thought for a long time about this, and then decided to accept his offer. The ironic thing was - my father only paid the first semester. After that, I was on my own. lol

But the experience was well worth it. My late Uncle Jim is still the best example of a Mormon polygamist man that I ever had. He lived this lifestyle with honor, dignity and privacy, which is why I won't speak much about him, but to say that he influenced me greatly and was the man who made me want to live this lifestyle. I am proud to have lived in his home.

Meanwhile, I was making new friends at college in Salt Lake - the same kinds of friends that I had in Arizona when I spent my time clubbing. One night, I found myself at a particularly wild party in the Avenues at an apartment building for Univeristy of Utah students dubbed "Botswana".

Realizing that I was digressing back to what I had tried to escape in Phoenix. (I had also just auditioned as a deejay at Club DV8 in Salt Lake, but they "didn't get" the techno music just yet. I did see 808 State and The Orb there a year later, however.) I left the party and headed out at 3AM for my car, which was parked about two miles away. As I walked through downtown, I was disgusted with myself, and I was also feeling quite lonely. I had met no girls in the polygamist families that I thought would be a suitable wife for me. Or rather, I did not think I would be a suitable husband for any of them.

I walked by the Salt Lake Temple - illuminated in the darkness, and I felt a stab of jealousy thinking about all the marriages solemnized inside, and after being excommunicated it seemed that getting married in a temple setting was somewhat of an impossibility for me. As I walked through the empty streets at 3AM right by the temple, I heard a voice speak in my mind. It said, "You will be married within a year."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed. "Who will I marry? There is no one for me to marry."

The voice repeated itself. "You will be married in a year."

A year later, my parents (and the rest of my family) had relocated to Utah. My parents were investigating the Allred Group (AUB) - the second largest polygamist group in Utah. They wanted to attend meeting in the large hall that the AUB owns in Bluffdale. I had heard rumors from other fundamentalists that there were many pretty girls in the "Allred Group", and so I decided to go and see for myself. I went with my family to sacrament meeting.

There was only one girl who caught my eye - a dark-haired beauty. My mother had met her, and told me her name was Martha. She was half-Japanese. I think that this was one of the things that attracted me to her - she was exotic looking. But also, she exuded an innocence and sweetness that was genuine and unfeigned. I also learned that Martha's father - a man of Irish descent - was a polygamist.

Eventually, we joined the Allred Groud. One day after Sunday School, I saw my sister Marina speaking to Martha. I went and stood next to my sister and smiled at Martha until my sister introduced us. But I learned that my younger brother also liked her. So I did what is an important ethic to me - since my brother liked her, I backed off to give him a chance.

Later that spring, there was a formal dance being planned called the "Sweetheart's Ball". There was a dance troupe being formed to perform a cha cha number during the intermission. (It was quite gay now that I think about it.) Martha had no partner, and so we were paired up to dance with each other.

So twice a week, I got to dance and talk with Martha as we rehearsed. She flirted with me and made eyes at me. (She swears to this day that she did not.) She even made me cookies. (She claims that there was no significance in this.) I was sure that I was a shoe-in.

So I took my younger brother aside, and said, "Look, I need to know what your intentions are about Martha."

He claimed he had none, so I started following the strict protocol that the AUB has one dating:

1. I spoke to Owen Allred, the senior member of the AUB Council, and asked his permission to "court" Martha. He gave me his blessing.

2. Next, I had to speak to Martha's dad and get his permission. So, one day, after sacrament meeting, I ambushed him in the back of the building while he was making conversation with another man. He made me stand there for ten minutes until he finished talking to the other man.

I was fidgeting the whole time.

When I finally got the chance to speak to him, I asked him permission to date his daughter. He told me that many, many men had asked for her hand, and she had turned them all down. He said that he would talk to her and get back to me. (The talking to the father is supposed to provide a buffer between the girl and unwanted suitors.) Basically what he was telling me was "thanks for asking but her answer will probably be no" and "there are other women out there."

3. The next step - I sent flowers to her at her place of work on the day of our next cha cha rehearsal.

When I saw her next, she was nervous and avoided me. She tried to race out of the building after rehearsal was over, without saying anything to me. I ran out after her to see if she was leaving. She saw me and came back, taking me aside. She said that she really liked me, but that her feelings didn't go beyond friendship. My heart sank as I realized that I was not a "shoe-in" after

all.

To my amazement, however, Martha danced with no one but me the next night at the Sweetheart's Ball. In fact, over the course of the next several weeks, we spent every day together. This confused me, and so one night I told her, "Look, we agreed that we would just be friends, but look at how much time we spend together. What's going on?"

She answered, "I think that we should remain friends. But I think we should take it to the next level."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

She said that she thought we should date. We dated for one month, got engaged, and were married within two months.

Another interesting story - shortly before we got engaged, I was suffering tremendously from the allergies in the Utah summers. So I decided to go see an herbologist about my allergies. He lived in a small town that was quite a drive from Salt Lake, and he was also in the Allred Group. Martha decided to accompany me.

We got there, and he performed the kooky practice of iridology, where he looked into my eyes and could discern what was wrong with me. He stared intensely into my eyes and said, "Oh, this is very interesting. You suffer from insanity and sexual deviance."

He turned his stare to Martha and said, "Are you sure that you want to marry this guy?"

I was very bewildered until a grin broke his face, and he said, "Just kidding."

He placed some herbs in my arms and asked me to hug them to my chest while he pressed down on my uplifted hand. Somehow this quack was supposed to be able to tell in this manner which herbs I should take.

Martha had some questions about some female troubles she was experiencing, so she asked me to leave the room while she spoke to the herbologist. His wife escorted me downstairs and made some conversation with me. She related to me how her husband got into herbology and then she told me that he had - at one point - got into some practices that were sort of questionable. She had almost left him over these practices, but he "repented" and everything was okay.

One hour turned into two, and still I sat in the basement waiting for them. Two hours became three, and finally after four hours Martha came downstairs to get me. She was obviously agitated. When we got into the car, she asked me to tell her how I knew that it was right that we get married.

As I questioned her, she described that this quack had given her some sort of treatment with crystals and put oils on her forehead and walked her through some guided imagery. Then he told her that he had dreamed that she would become his next wife.

It took us years to figure out what happened. For being up there for four hours, Martha only had one hour worth of memory. The bastard had hypnotized her and planted suggestions that she ought to marry him. For a few moments, she doubted that she should marry me and ought to marry him. But as the smell of the oil on her forehead faded, her doubts also faded.

I felt like kicking that guy's butt, but in a way I should thank him. This negative and scary experience pushed Martha and I closer and sped up the process that eventually led to our marriage.

Last month, I celebrated my 16th anniversary with Martha - although it wasn't much of a celebration. There are two kids who have their birthdays the same week, as well as our annual conference.

Tomorrow, I will write about Temple.

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Moroni's Bio

(Photo circa 2004) Here is a bio that I recently had to write about myself. I am posting it, because it gives an overview of who I am:

My name is Moroni Jessop, and I was born on March 9, 1970 in Provo, Utah to a white, Mormon father and a Mexican mother. My father also spoke Spanish after having served a mission for the LDS Church in Mexico. As a result, I was raised bilingual.

I grew up in Casa Grande, Arizona, outside Phoenix, in the '80s. Depsite my traditional Mormon upbringing, I learned early on to buck the system by getting into the local metal, punk and gothic scenes. As much of my development came from the mosh pit as from the halls of high school.

I moved to Salt Lake City at the age of 20 and began associating with polygamist relatives that had kept from me by my LDS relatives, and in 1990 the LDS Church excommunicated me for associating with known polygamists.

In 1992, I married Martha - the half-Japanese daughter of a polygamist. We moved to Concho, Arizona - on the Arizona/ New Mexico border - to raise a family.

In 1999, I embraced my polygamist heritage and married Temple - a 19 year-old farm girl from Utah.Between the three of us, we have 9 children (1 on the way). We live on a 40 acre ranch, totally off grid. We have no electricity (except by generator), have our own well, chop our own wood for heat, and grow our own vegetables. It is a rustic lifestyle, but I love it! Where else do we have the freedom to let our kids roam the outdoors, and where else would I have the freedom to pee anywhere outside that I want?

The only problem that we have is that most of our neighbors (mainstream Mormons) are uncomfortable with our in-your-face practice of polygamy.

I consider myself to be open-minded, free-thinking, compassionate, and well-read. Most people are surprised when they meet me, because I do not fit the stereotype of what they think a polygamist would be like. I consider my country living as well as my happy application of such a non-traditional relationship to make me a survivor in every way.

Moroni Jessop