HOW TO GET A SISTERWIFE

Okay, that title was a little misleading, because the truth is - I really don't know.  I can only say what has worked and what hasn't worked for me.  But I am asked this question ALL THE TIME.  I get emails from people I have never met, asking me this elusive of questions:  How do I find another wife?

Being a polygamist is a unique experience - because you aren't single, so you can't exactly be trolling the single's bars.  But you are kind of available, so you can keep your options open.  But how do you convince women - in this day and age of One Man/ One Woman - that the ancient, biblical practice of plural marriage is right for her, and that you are willing to be her polygamy partner?

Well, first of all, you need at least one wife who is willing.  I can't tell you how many men have asked me, "I really want to live polygamy, but how do I get my first wife to accept it?  She ain't having it!"

If the above scenario is you, then I am sorry for you.  Polygamy is about consenting adults, and you cannot force anyone into it.  Polygamy is not worth giving your first wife up over.  Why would you put somebody through pain and agony when they are not really into it?  If you want your first wife to live plural marriage, then convince her through long-suffering, prayer, teaching, patience, love and understanding, NOT by bringing home the chick you met at the biker bar and presenting her as wife #2.  In Mormonism, we call this the "Law of Sarah".  In the Bible, Sarah gave Hagar as a wife to Abraham.  Your first wife should have the opportunity to make this decision with you.  It's about honoring her.  There is no worse way to try to live plural marriage than to have someone not into it.  For the sake of your sanity, don't do anything stupid like rushing into this.

Second of all, you need to find a woman - or women - who are willing.  I don't know if you have noticed, but women who are willing to live plural marriage are not dropping out of the sky.

Wait, I take it back.  They are.  That is how Temple came into my life.  I wasn't really looking, and the opportunity presented itself.  Temple came out of nowhere.  I know to this day that God brought her into my life.  One reason - honestly, what would such a beautiful, young lady want with a toad like me?  She was a Godsend, an angel that flitted into my life.

Shortly after I married her, I decided that the internet would be a great place to find the next wife.  I signed up for several dating sites.  I listed on my profile that I was a "polygamist".  Guess how many hits I got?  None.  Zilch.  Zip.  So - in a sly maneuver - I changed my profile to "single".  I started getting several hits.

Several were from Russia.  "This is weird," I thought.  "Why are there so many single, beautiful women in Russia?"  I started getting the same letter from different Russian girls.  Not similar letters, the same!  And they all started asking for money for plane tickets.  It becomes disheartening when you realize that the hot Russian babe that you are trying to convince of the truthfulness of plural marriage is really some dude behind a computer in Minsk.

I didn't realize what I was doing until I caused a young, single Muslim girl in Uzbekistan to fall in love with me.  We wrote every day.  We talked on the phone, and she thought I was single.  When the time came to admit to her that I was a polygamist, it broke her heart.  I caused that young lady some real pain and some real tears.  I felt like such an ass.

I decided then and there that I would be completely honest about who I was and what I was seeking.  I would never lie again.  I haven't used the dating sites ever since.

Then there are the polygamy dating sites.  If you could see me type, you would see me laughing out loud.  Most of them are a joke.  When you look at those enrolled, it is mostly couples "seeking sisterwives", and there are very few single ladies.  And when single ladies come around, they are a hot commodity, sought by all.  My wife Temple calls it "the rat race".

I did correspond with a few women this way.  I will tell you about one woman.  She was a divorcee in Georgia.  I kept asking her why she had divorced, because that is kind of an important topic to me.  Whenever I asked, she always evaded the question.  She wanted to talk on the phone.  But she would not give me her number.  She called my phone, and she always restricted her call so that I could not see her number.

She wan't Mormon, so I thought that the first step would be for her to gain a testimony of my religion.  So I arranged for her to get a Book of Mormon.  This is how our email conversations ensued:

Woman:  When do I get to marry you?  When do I get to be your third wife?
Moroni:  Have you read the Book of Mormon yet?
Woman:  No.  When are you going to marry me?
Moroni:  We aren't even talking about that until you read the Book of Mormon.


This went on for a while until I just stopped answering her, because it was evident that she really wasn't interested.  As a man, I am always coming across women who pretend to be interested in plural marriage and will indulge in the act of establishing an online relationship, but never want to take it to the next level.  I don't understand such people, but they are out there in droves.  Here are some warning signs when dealing online with a prospective wife:

1)  If she is only interested in you, and not your other wife/ wives and children - run!  Run away!  She is not a candidate for your family.
2)  If she does not want to meet you, and always has an excuse why you can't meet, she is not real.  I'm sorry.  Move on to someone who is willing to invest time and effort to get to know you.
3)  If she is not willing to provide personal information (phone number, photos, mailing address, etc.) - at the same time professing that she wants to become your plural wife - she is not real.


I don't know what motivates such people.  I don't understand why anyone would invest so much time and energy into deception (unless you are working for/ with the anti-polygamist organizations), but it is to the point that I am skeptical about Every.  Single.  Person.  until i know them face to face.  (On a side note, one such person actually admitted to me that she was playing such a game, and she has since become once of my best friends on the planet.  Anyone remember Molly?  LOL  I still talk to her.)

That said, I admit that I have not been the best prospective husband in the world.  I have communicated with some really sweet women, and I let the relationships wither on the vine.  Because online relationships are not always the easiest.  For me, I need face to face contact to establish a true connection.

But all of this has lead me to believe - the internet is NOT a great place to meet a wife.  I have given up on that a long time ago.  Instead, it is a great place to network with people who share similar beliefs.  So I use the internet to talk to people and tell them what works for me, about my own experience.

That doesn't mean that it can't work online.  I know many people who have met their plural wives online.  I am just saying that it has never worked for ME, personally.

One other pet peeve - the families that allow the wife do do all the sisterwife seeking.  I believe that wives should take a proactive role in the seeking out of wives, but some men turn this responsibility over completely to their wives.  It has been my general observation that such women become monsters.  They become more aggressive in pursuing a woman than a man generally would, and they don't take rejection well.  A man will pine and mourn the loss of a prospective wife quietly, and then move on.  A woman will fume and rage and curse that woman and her posterity and ancestors for all time and eternity.  LOL

Another pet peeve:  She is a "sisterwife" only to your wife, dude.  Not to you.  The lingo is new to the American consciousness, thanks to the show "Sister Wives".  To the man, she is a "plural wife", or even just a "wife".  If you are the man, she cannot be your "sisterwife".  That has some incestuous connotations, and that's just sick.  ;)

But to answer the question:  How do you find a sisterwife?

Answer:  Take a chance.  If it is online, that's fine.  But I am sure that you and your wife know at least one single lady that you would like to see come into your family.  Take a chance and talk to her.  What's the worst that can happen?  She might say no.  But you never know.  She might say yes.

That said, I am still open to any and all questions.  I hope this generates discussion.  Peace.

Gathering Zion

I usually don't use my blog for religious topics, but this video produced my a friend of mine truly speaks for my religious beliefs:

Mother's & Mother's Day

The dilemma is enough for any man - how do you honor the woman who went through the incomprehensible (for men) pain of labor and childbirth on Mother's Day?  Anything you do is going to be trivial by comparison, short of building the Taj Mahal?  And even then...

So what do you two when you have TWO women who must be honored on the same day?  Here are some tips:

1)  You had better do something.  No matter how small and insignificant.  For instance, this photo is from Mother's Day in 2008.  I was broke and jobless, but I got Taco Bell takeout, and we ate in the park.  I wish I could have done better, but that's all I could do at the time.

2)  You had better get them something.  Write a poem.  Make a card.  Something.

3)  You had better not get them the same thing as far as gifts.  I learned that the hard way.  If they get the same gift, then you are denying them the opportunity to be unique and individuals.  You can get them SIMILAR gifts.  Just not the same one.  For instance, I bought them both bracelets yesterday.  But Temple's had butterfly charms to match a special necklace I bought her earlier.  Martha's bracelet was one of those magnetic healing bracelets, since she has been dying to try one for a long time.  I got one wife a CD, and the other one a DVD.  I have a hard time selecting gifts.  So I solve it by buying something similar, but unique enough to match the vibrant personality differences in each wife.

4)  You had better take them out.  Even if it's to the park for Taco Bell.  And since there is only ONE Mother's Day, and since I have TWO wives, necessity dictates that I must take them both out at the same time.  Yesterday, I took them to the local Indian gaming casino for a Mother's Day brunch of prime rib, crab, oysters, shrimp, cherry jubilee, and I toasted them with mimosas.

5)  You had better let them know they are appreciated, and you had better mean it.  After all, these women had to deal with natural jealousies to share one man, and they struggled to bring children into the world for your sake.  Without Martha, without Temple, I am truly nothing.  I am truly lower than the dusts of the earth.  They - along with the precious children they have given me - are the entire purpose of my life, my existence.

Right now, I am jobless and disabled and recovering from my wound.  My whole purpose is to be there for them, for my children, and most of the time, I don't do a good job at that.  But I had to something to make them feel special.  Because I love both of these dear ladies with all of my heart and would be lost without them.

This is how I honored them on Mother's Day.  I hope you were able to honor the special ladies in your life as best as you could as well.

Silly Man Chaff Stubble

This is a poem I wrote several years ago about the sense of displacement a man feels when he lives plural marriage.  A man sometimes feel like he doesn't have a home, like he floats between homes, beds, wives, etc.  Hence, this poem:

silly man chaff stubble

            a similitude but

true

                                                if woman is earth

                        you are blown across

her fertile flesh

tumbling like a tatter

but still

you cannot

            cover her

                                                                        if woman is sky

                                                            you are the little stitch

                                                of sterile substance

lost in immeasurable

                             blue

                             but still

                             you cannot

                                    fill her

                                                   silly man chaff stubble

                                                            flitting indecisive

                                                between beds

                                                            from woman

                                                to woman

                                                lost,

                                                            but with too much home

                                                always

                                                            trying to connect

                                                                    but not quite elastic enough

                                                                       nearly settled until blown

                                                between earth

                                                            and sky

Plural Marriage in the Workplace

I was updating my online journals, adding blog posts I had made on MySpace back in the day and adding them to my journals.  (Yeah, remember MySpace?)  This is one that I posted back in 2007 when I was working at hotel remodeling.  The photo is taken onsite of one of these jobs back then:

It is interesting that - no matter what job I take -
being a polygamist becomes a factor.  Those who know
me know that I left a job as a social worker for the
State of Arizona after ten years due to my lifestyle.

The job I took after that was a position as a project
administrator for a company that remodels hotels all
over the country.  It is a Utah company, although the
owners are not Mormon.

But since they are located in Utah, they hire many
Mormons.  In particular, they hire many Mormon
polygamists, who gravitate towards the construction
industry, for some reason.  The company had already
had a background for hiring many polygamists when I
came on board.

My last name is a dead giveaway, and, at a hotel in
Connecticut, when I met the owner of the company - a
rather school-teacher-ish kind of guy - the first
thing he asked me was, "How many wives do YOU have?"

To which I made some vague reply like : "Too many."

The boss introduced me to a bunch of crew chiefs in
San Diego like this: "This is Moroni.  He has two
wives."

What ensued was an argument - that I was strangely
excluded from - between several tattooed and pierced,
beer-drinking returned missionaries who argued whether
or not I was a real Mormon.

One guy finally said, "He's the REAL Mormon.  We gave
up our teachings.  He's sticking to them."

The boss was very intrigued by my lifestyle, and every
chance we got, he would ask me questions.  "How do you
do it?"

He confided to me about his own relationship.  He
was not a Mormon; his wife was a devout Mormon.  It
caused a conflict.

"Moroni, if I ever become a Mormon, I'll become a
Mormon like you, with lots of wives.  I'd have one
wife run the accounting end of the business.  I'd have
one wife who could do real estate, etc."

"The problem is," I told my boss, "you think that you
will run your wives like you run your business.  But
the problem is - invariably one of your wives will be
like Pat."

Pat was our painter who was always bitching and
moaning, causing problems and just generally
disruptive.

My boss laughed.

I left the company in July, 2005, and came back to
them just 4 weeks ago.  Already, talk started
circulating among employees of the company that a
"polygamist" was coming to work with them.

My roommate was the relative of a guy I knew.  This
guy was well aware that I am a polygamist.  I am sure
that he told his roommate.

I guess I got sick of having to explain myself or
justify myself.  So I resolved to not even talk about
it, unless he asked about it.

I could see the confused expression on his face as I
talked about "my wife".

It became a game to me.  One day, after work, we went
swimming, and he said, "You have, like, 4 kids, or
something, right?"

"Actually," I answered, "I have 9 kids."

"Yeah, someone told me something about that."  That
was the closest I would come to telling him.

One night, Big Love came on HBO, so we watched it
together.

Afterwards, he asked, "So people really live like
that?  Why would anyone want to live like that?"

I just shrugged.

I talked to my supervisor, and he said, "Yeah, he told
me that you haven't said anything about being a
polygamist.  I told him that you probably wouldn't
either."

The way I look at it - I am not ashamed of who I am. 
But I am not going to parade it around to satisfy
people's curiosity, either.  If they want to know,
they have to have the "cajones" to ask me right out,
you know what I'm saying?

The problem is - I think many on the hotel staff know,
too.  I see it in the funny looks I get.  It's nice to
be an oddity, a spectacle.  I just wonder what is so
tough about asking someone, you know?

Anyway, my two cents,

Moroni

Meeting Meri

The polygamy world is convoluted.  We might not all know each other, but we are somehow all connected - either by blood, by marriage, or by common association.  When I meet a fellow Mormon fundamentalist, the icebreaker is usually to play the "do you know who I know" game.

For instance, I have never met Kody Brown of "Sister Wives" fame.  We used to belong to the same polygamous congregation in Utah back in the '90s, and I "kind of" remember him.  I knew his wife Christine back then, but we haven't spoken in twenty years.

But, still, we are all connected.  My wife Martha's brother is married to Meri's sister.  I have never met her, but my wife Martha knows her.  They grew up around each other.  Martha has been in the world of Mormon polygamy world all her life, whereas I am a newcomer.  Meri also grew up in a plural family.  In fact, I knew her dad quite well.  I ran into him at a grocery store in St. Johns, Arizona shortly before he passed away.

Suddenly, the Browns are celebrities, and I had to reach into the dusty closet of my memories to try to remember what associations I had with them back in the day.  I have been away from Utah for quite a long time.

For the past four years, I have helped my brother-in-law run his airbrush booth at the Utah State Fair.  Every year, the Browns come by the booth to say hi to him and his wife.  I don't remember.  I am the counter help, and the Utah State Fair is one of the busiest shows in our season.  I talk to a lot of people all day.

But this past summer, I was watching for the Browns - expecting that they would probably show up, not knowing what I would say.

It wasn't until the last weekend of the fair that a group of sister-in-law's sisters showed up at the booth to visit.  Meri was with them.  I  recognized her immediately, of course.  They made small talk with my brother-in-law and his wife, and then Meri decided to order an airbrushed onesie for Robyn, who was still expecting her new baby at this point.  She wanted it to say, "I Just Spent Nine Months in Solitary Confinement."  There was quite a bit of speculation on the internet about the sex of the baby.  I figured that Meri knew, and I thought that I might be able to guess the sex of the baby based on the colors that she picked.  She picked a neutral green and brown as her background colors - the color brown, because they were the "Brown Family."

I turned from the counter to look at my brother-in-law.  "Do they get the family discount?" I asked him.

"Sure," he answered with a smile.  "Because you are family, after all."

"How are we family?" Meri asked me.

I explained that I was a Jessop, which name is ever ubiquitous in the polygamy world.  I explained that my great grandfather was an uncle to Lyman Jessop, who is the ancestor of most Jessops in Mormon fundamentalism.  I then explained that I was married to Martha.  Of course she knew who Martha was.

Meri and her sisters excused themselves to enjoy the day at the fair while we proceeded to get her onesie done.  When she came back a couple of hours later, I presented her with the onesie.  She thought it was adorable, and she couldn't wait to give it to Robyn.  Then she proceeded to laugh and talk with her sisters.  Apparently, a carnie had recognized her from TV and had made some comment.

Earlier in the week, I had had dinner with my sister, who lives in Utah.  I had asked how the Browns were generally received by most of the polygamists in Utah.  She told me that a lot of them didn't agree with what they were doing.  The world will never accept plural marriage.  And some have even labeled the Brown family as attention seekers.  This sounded all too familiar to me.  I had gone through something similar.

So I had something to say to Meri.

I approached her and said, "Have many polygs taken the time to thank you for what you are doing?"

"No," she answered.

"Well, thank you," I said.  "Thank you for putting yourselves out there for the rest of us."

"You're welcome," she said.  "Are you a polygamist?"

"Yes, I have two wives.  And you may not believe this, but we have actually done a show on TLC back in 2008..."

I proceeded to gush on and on about our experience.  I told her that we only had a TV crew in our house for a couple of days.  I can't imagine having cameras in your face for such an extended period of time.

"Well, it helps if you like your crew," she said.  "And we love our crew."

So Meri and her sisters excused themselves, and I went back to work.

I learned a couple of things from my visit with Meri Brown.

First, the way she kind of looked at me at while I was talking about MY TV experience - I don't think she believed me.  I think that she thought that I was making it up, like I was a pathological liar, trying to "one-up" her, or something.

Second of all, I had always assumed that the Browns knew who I was, since I had come into the spotlight around the same time as them.  My blog is prolific, and I have appeared on TLC and the History Channel.  I was wrong.  Meri Brown had no clue who I was.  She had no idea who my family was or any of the work we have done.  My work has impacted her life not a bit.  LOL

But I did get to thank her, and hopefully - from one polygamist to another - that meant something to her.

Dubstep Summer

For the past four years, I have worked every summer with my brother-in-law, who is an airbrush artist.  He airbrushes t-shirts and is an amazing artist.  We travel all over the western states from fair to fair, camp in tents and live this wonderful bohemian life all summer.  His art usually appeals to the urban, hip hop crowd, and so most of our business takes place at night, the same crowd that comes for the carnival.

We learned early on that music was an essential part of our booth.  When we played music, we noticed that we attracted more people to the booth.  We bought a cheap little boom box, and since I am the music lover, I provided the tunes.  But I played music according to my tastes.  I learned really quick that this wasn't going to work.  One day, my selection of Serge Gainsbourg was snickered at by a teen girl.  I was going to have to cater to the masses.

The second year out, we started experimenting.  We discovered that some types of music attracted people, and some types of music drove people away.  Heavy metal, punk and alternative music repelled people.  Country music was neutral.  It didn't repel, but it really didn't draw people either.  Hip hop attracted people.  Techno attracted people.  And oddly enough, the Ramones drew people.

One of the problems is that - if your music is limited - you get sick of your music really fast.  You have to listen to it all day, every day for weeks.  So I am always trying to improve my playlist.

Last spring (April, 2011), I was downloading music to prepare for the upcoming fair circuit.  Most of it was hip hop.  I use whatever means available to scour for music.  Browsing, but mostly taking suggestions from Facebook friends.

One of my friends (Martha from Chicago) posted a link.  It was to an artist called Skrillex, and her commentary was "Dubstep f****d my mind."  The track was named "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites".  I had never heard of dubstep, but I listened to the song.  My mind was totally blown.  This was electronic music for deejays.  It was so random, and there were so many changes in the song that one could barely keep up with it.  I was hooked.  I downloaded the song (along with a Skrillex remix of a Black Eyed Peas song) and added it to my playlist.

I am no stranger to electronic music.  While I was an exchange student in Belgium in 1988, I was introduced to the rave scene - before it was called rave.  Acid House.  New Beat.  Techno.  I brought this music back with me, and by 1989, all of the underground clubs were pumping this music.  I was totally into it.  We were clubbing four nights a week - all so that we could listen to the music.  I even wore the smiley face buttons.  I was a regular denizen at all of the raves in Phoenix.

I do believe that it was DeLaSoul that once said (rapped), "Everyone wants to be a deejay."  I was no exception.  I had no equipment, but I dubbed some very good mix tapes.  I had a huge vinyl collection.  I even deejayed a couple of parties.  My dream was to open a club.  I even had my eye on an old warehouse that would make a great club.  In 1990, I moved to Utah and auditioned as a deejay at Club DV8.  House music had not quite made it to Utah.  I didn't get the gig.

So 21 years later, I discover dubstep, and it has all of the electronic magic that acid house once had.  I found myself in a pickup truck, hauling airbrush equipment, on my way up north to start our fair circuit.  I put a CD in for my brother-in-law to show him my playlist.  He listened to Skrillex for the first time, and he - like me - was totally blown away.

Our first gig was a summer festival in Utah.  I only had two Skrillex songs in my repertoire, but I had a tremendous response from them.  Tremendous!  "Is that dubstep?!"  "Is that Skrillex?!"  The sounds drew crowds to our booth like none other.  I went home that night and downloaded the whole Skrillex catalog.  Plus, people would come up to me randomly and make suggestions of other dubstep artists - deadmau5, Nero, Bassnectar, Datsik, Mt. Eden Dubstep, Notixx, etc.  I was downloading music every night, updating my playlist.

By the end of June, we had the best booth in any show we went to - bright lights, a colorful display, my brother-in-law's mad airbrush skills, and the "sickest" music blaring out into the night.  Nobody else had a booth like ours.  We got praise every night - not just on the art, but on the music selection.  My brother-in-law was introducing me as his deejay.

What we didn't know was that we had timed this just right - the beginning of summer of 2011 was the beginning of the dubstep explosion in the United States.  And I was fulfilling my dream of being a deejay - at 41 years-old.  I was making sounds that were drawing in and amazing people.  It wasn't uncommon to have people start dancing in front of our booth.

At first, I was just using my phone connected to a speaker.  By July, in Wyoming, I was deejaying live from my laptop.

By the end of the summer, the dubstep craze was dying down.  And this is how you could tell - at the beginning of the summer, in June, the people that were coming to us and talking about our music were all college students.  By the end of the summer, by September, it was little kids who were asking, "Is this dubstep?"

But we caught it when it was just starting out, and that was exciting.  I don't think I will be going on the fair circuit this summer due to health issues.  (I wish I was.  I love the mad bohemian lifestyle.)  But I am certain that many booths will be blaring dubstep in the summer of 2012.  But we were the first.  We were innovators.  And  yes, I am saying that with a little pride.

So people asked me, "What did you do this summer?"

And I responded, "I deejayed hot music for thousands of people every day all summer.  What did you do?"