Bringing Hope To Short Creek: Southwest Recovery Mission's Labor of Love

Colorado City, Arizona

In the 1930s, an isolated piece of real estate came into the possession of the Priesthood Group, a loosely organized body of renegade hold-outs of polygamy, recently cut off from the LDS Church.  It seemed perfect, isolated, remote, only accessible (then) by dirt road, nestled against the Vermillion Cliffs on the Arizona Strip, hugging the Utah-Arizona border, originally called Short Creek.  It seemed the perfect place to practice their religion, which included plural marriage and a variation of a Mormon communal system of United Order that they later branded the United Effort Plan (UEP).

There were built-in issues from the beginning.  I spoke to a man who lived there in the early days, in the 1940s, and he told me, tongue-in-cheek, that the only "freedom" he had while living there was to decide whether or not to get his wife pregnant.  (That even changed with Warren Jeff's prison edict that no man could have sexual relations with his wife without his express permission.)  This same man told me of a story - he went with the other men to fell lumber on the Kaibab, and, while he was gone, the "Priesthood" came into his house, and, while his helpless wife looked on, they emptied his pantry of all food to redistribute to other members, leaving him only two jars of peaches.

Since those days, the community has grown, being incorporated into two cities - Colorado City on the Arizona side, and Hildale in Utah.  And over the years, so has the abuse of ecclesiastical leadership increased - arranged and forced marriages, underage unions, and a plethora of other abuses,  I have a theory about this - if a community and its lifestyle becomes, in and of itself, illegal and is forced into isolation, it becomes a fertile breeding ground for tyranny and oppression for the people under a despotic leader.  This is what happened to the FLDS community under megalomaniac Warren Jeffs, who maintains his control from prison.

In recent months, there have been arrests and warrants issued for many of the leaders involved in a Food Stamp (SNAP) fraud case.  As a former Arizona welfare caseworker myself, I was aware of welfare and benefit fraud as a prevalent problem in this community.  In essence, what the leadership was doing was collecting EBT cards from the people in the community and using it to redistribute food to other people.  But the way this worked was that the elite were eating lobster for dinner, and those maligned were lucky if they got anything.  So basically, the "Priesthood" was controlling all the food as a way to control the people.  If your behavior was acceptable, you were awarded food.  If it was not, you were denied food and literally starved, along with your wives and your children.  I can think of nothing more insidious than the deliberate starving of children!

Luckily, there have been people and organizations that have worked against the odds.  From the Safety Net initiative, an interstate government cooperative organization whose primary focus in the FLDS in this region to some people organizing a music festival, many have felt called or driven to help the less fortunate in the Short Creek area.

Southwest Recovery Mission Ministries is one such organization.  They are a non-profit whose mission is to bring food to the deprived children and families of Colorado City and Hildale.  They accept food donations from various donors and churches in primarily Utah and Nevada and make sure that these donations get to families in need among the FLDS, those who have fallen victim to the evil machinations of the leadership.  They make sure that these families have enough food to provide their children.  With the donations they receive, they are also provide clothing for those in need.  The leadership has also made sure that utilities are so expensive that they provide a burden on the people, and Southwest Recover Mission makes sure that people do not have their water and electricity because they cannot pay exorbitant bills.

I recently spoke to Alan Curtis, one of the organizers and volunteers at Southwest Recovery Mission.  He talks about driving into Colorado City for the first time and remembers having seen it in a dream.  It was almost as if he was called to help these people.  Soon, he met Phil Jessop, a local who had been cut off from the FLDS twenty years earlier and had been working to bring about positive change for years.  Al tells me the early days were adventurous, complete with threats from the Goon Squad, or local enforcers.  Many of the families that accepted help were often punished by the leadership.  But the ministry has brought positive influence, and the work that they are doing is mostly accepted by the community.

Al is refreshingly self-effacing about his role in the mission and stated that he did not want to draw attention to the organizers but to the mission itself, and he gives credit for their success to the women of the former FLDS who used their networks to spread the word and encouraged many families who were suffering to come forward and receive help.  He says that many of the families who have been on the receiving end of assistance, once they get on their feet, turn around and help other families.

The main opposition that the ministry faces is getting funding.  Often, they resort to paying for food shipments out of their own pockets.  Whereas many local churches have donated funds and food, Al says that the greatest challenge is getting other Christian churches to want to help a people with such social stigma as polygamy placed on them.

I would strongly encourage you to donate to this cause.  You can make a donation on their website or on their Facebook page.

For those among the FLDS, emergency food boxes are provided usually on Thursdays at"

2012 Bubbling Well Lane

Apple Valley, Utah 84737

Contact:  Donna McGinnis

(224) 217-2405

This is a good organization, and they are bringing hope and sustenance to a people who have long needed it.  Please consider donating.  It's a worthy cause, whether you are for polygamy, or against it.

From Punk To Polygamy, Part 3: Moving To Utah

Me around 1997

On a chilly September morning in 1990, at age 20, we loaded my parents' cramped car and headed to Utah, my parents taking me and my younger brother to Utah to start college and move in with my polygamist relative, Uncle Jim.  It was my turn to drive that night, and a fog poured over the rolling highway in rural Utah, my first time in my birth state in many years.  We arrived at my Uncle Jim's house in Salt Lake City, and we were met with open arms.  That afternoon, a group of polygamist men stood around a large tree in the sunlight of the afternoon sun and talked gospel.  Even though I was a novice, I joined in.  Later, one of the women told me that she admired me for having the nerve to discuss with older men who knew more than me.  I didn't know that I had committed some faux pas.

The next day, my parents dropped me off at the campus of the local community college for registration, and then they drove off to Arizona, leaving me alone.  Apart from my summer in Belgium, this was my first time being away from home.  I puked in the bathroom, I was so nervous.  It didn't take long for me to make friends, mainly with the international students.  I joined their organization and was involved in organizing their social events.  For one Halloween party, I was asked to deejay.  Of course, I spun house music, and then someone requested Aerosmith.  Some French girl approached me and sneered, "Now, this is real music!"

Me in Sedona, 1990, with my personal go-go dancer

I found that Salt Lake City, at the time, was roughly yet consistently about three years behind the times.  Stuff I had listened to three years earlier, like The Smiths or The Cure, were popular on their popular alternative radio station.  I auditioned as a deejay at a local modern club, DV8 and played house music.  I was told firmly that this was not the kind of music their patrons listened to.  A year later, I saw a live show - British acid house outfit, 808 State, and, before the show, the deejay was spinning house.  I just shook my head.  I applied a year too early.  That is not to say that there was not a good music scene.  Fans were enthusiastic about the live shows.  While I lived there, Throwing Muses did a free show on the lawn at University of Utah, and Frank Black (of Pixies fame) did an acoustic set in a record store while on a road trip across the States.

However, I really missed Arizona, even if I did like living in Utah.  Thirty years ago, there was not as much of a latino presence in Utah as there is now.  I missed my people. I missed my food in a place where sweet salsa and Taco Time were people's idea of Mexican food.  I started listening to Mexican music, Cuban music, Puerto Rican music - anything with a latin beat.  One night, I went to an open mic poetry night at Bandaloops, and I was pining about how much I missed Arizona.  Some hipster girl rolled her eyes at me and told me that Arizona wasn't exactly "the cultural mecca of the Southwest".  Later, that girl asked me if I wanted to go to a party with her.  I think she was baffled why I coldly turned her down.  I found friendship and companionship with many of the single kids from the polygamist families my age and started attending the dances put on by Joe Darger's family in Murray Park.  Following the tastes among the polygamists, I started, for the first time in my young adult life. to listen to country music - something that shocked some of my siblings.  To this day, I still listen to it, although I can get sick of it pretty quickly.  I also reunited with Chad, a friend from high school, who lived in Salt Lake City at the time.  Since we didn't really have many other friends, we used to hang out and go to movies.  There was an art house downtown - I don't remember the name - that used to show obscure art films, and it was so cold they used to serve hot cider to help warm you up.

Me in 1990

At the end of 1991, I, along with all of my family, joined the AUB, which is one of the largest polygamous churches in Utah.  The AUB are not as physically distinguishable as the FLDS.  Most do not wear the prairie dresses (although some of the old-timers do).  Being in the AUB was like being in the LDS Church, except they practice plural marriage.  When I joined, I ran into a couple of women that had attended college with, although I had no idea at the time that they were plural wives.  One of them told me, "I wondered if you were a fundamentalist because if your last name, but when you walked into class, you were wearing a bandanna on your head, a biker jacket, cutoff shorts, and combat boots.  I had no clue that you were a Mormon fundamentalist!  You looked pretty wild!"

In the AUB, I quickly learned that I was the odd man out when it came to my musical tastes.  Rock music, in general, was eschewed as evil and generally avoided.  One evening, I was invited with other young people to BYU to attend a concert of Mormon fluff rock act, Afterglow.  There are no words to describe how much I hated this music.  It was wimpy, effeminate, and passionless, all in the attempt to engender an uplifting, spiritual version of Mormon easy listening music.  With a sour taste in my mouth, I left the concert, and Martha - who would become my wife one day - was on a date with another young man.  They were gushing about how good the concert was, and I felt nauseous.  (Okay, I was a little jealous.)  I had to tell them how much I didn't like it.

AUB leader, the late Owen Allred and me, 1994

As Martha and I started to court, I tried to share some of the music I liked with her, and I was shocked that she didn't like any of it.  I placed her Dead Can Dance.  She shook her head and said that it was too dark.  I played her the most innocent, innocuous record I could think of - "In My Tribe" by 10,000 Maniacs,  "You have to ask yourself - is this uplifting?" she asked me.

I have since come to the conclusion - why does art always have to be uplifting?  Is life always uplifting?  Can life not be dark sometimes?  Or is it always sugar and fluff?  Art should reflect life, which is sometime uplifting, yet sometimes heavy and burdensome.  It's easy for me to say that now, but I did something to myself that was unconscionable.  I tried to rewrite myself in order to fit in with the AUB.  No one forced me.  No one made me do it.  I did it on my own.  I wanted to fit in.  I wore the button-up shirts that polygamist men wear.  I ceased being controversial and was completely mild-mannered.  But mostly, I stopped listening to the music I loved, because I viewed it as evil and not conducive to an uplifting spirit.  Shortly before I got married, I took a trip to Arizona to hang out with the Baron and Matt.  I took my crate of records and cassettes and sold ALL of them at Zia Record Exchange in Tempe.  Those that I could not sell, I gave away to my friends.  I purged that out of my life.

When I come back with Part 4, I will tell you how music saved me.

History Channel Re-run

So the segment that we did for History Channel in 2008 - "Strange Rituals: Forbidden Sex" - aired again a couple of nights ago.  You can watch the segment here.

Half Birthdays

Many, like me, are new to plural marriage.  That is to say, we were not raised in the culture, and, as a result, we must decide what works - and what doesn't work - for our own respective families, without regard to tradition.  I have seen some strange customs that pop up in different families.  But hey, whatever works, right?

One strange custom that has popped up in my family has raised some eyebrows from onlookers.  And that is our custom of "half birthdays".

It seemed as if Martha and Temple were always having babies within six months of each other.  And when you have sets of kids from different moms that are roughly around the same age, it is like having  twins.  In fact, all of them have believed at some point that they really were twins.  Never mind that they were born months apart from different mothers.  In their minds, they are twins.

For instance, take Aidan and Sara.  They are five months apart.  One stands a whole head taller than the other.  But they insisted that they were twins, but it becomes very evident on birthdays that one is being recognized, and the other is somehow excluded.  How can you be twins and have different birthdays?  So they created something that they called "Half Birthdays".

It works like this - if it is Aidan's birthday (like it was a couple of days ago), it is Sara's "half birthday".  Aidan is the one who gets the cake and presents, and Aidan presents a small gift - a consolation prize, as it were - to the Sara.  Because it is her half birthday, not her birthday.  Five months later, when Sara has a birthday, she will present a half birthday gift to Aidan.

They were very insistent on it.  My kids watch out for each other.  It doesn't matter who their mother is, they are brothers and sisters.

So this tradition involved.  And I see the strange looks from relatives visiting our birthday parties when the birthday boy/ girl whips out a half birthday present.

And we have three sets of "twins".  Aidan and Sara.  Alex and Siobhan.  Avery and Israel.

Strange?  Yes.  But - it works for us.  And that's what is important.  I hope the tradition continues long after I am dead and gone.

Rule: "Never Rub Another Man's Rhubarb"

Despite the media-perpetuated stereotype, I think it is safe to say that most Mormon polygamists don't support underage or forced marriages.  The FLDS concept of having priesthood leaders arrange a marriage is alien - and sickening - to me.  To me, it violates the basic Mormon tenet of free agency taught by our founder, Joseph Smith.  This teaches that all men - and women - have the capacity to act as agents for themselves, being able to choose good or evil.

That doesn't mean that the rest of the polygamy world is not free of problems and abuses.  I have never tried to candy-coat the culture of polygamy, nor have I tried to candy-coat my own marriages.  This lifestyle is challenging and will try you to the core.  A man must constantly work at his relationships, or else this will consume him.

As I commented a couple of posts back, there are challenges in finding a woman who is willing to share her husband with another woman, and even more challenges in finding a single woman who is willing to enter into this lifestyle.  Some men become desperate in their quest.

In my list of pet peeves in that post, someone pointed out that I missed one of my greatest dislikes - and that is polygamist men who try to move in on other men's wives.

This irks me to no end, and this is one of the greatest problems that one finds in the Groups.  It bugs me, because it diminishes the free agency of a woman and turns her into property, into chattel.  The greatest gift that a woman can give is her choice of staying with a man, and these men who try to persuade women to leave their husbands are the worst kind of predators.

There is a Christian ministry (that I have nothing against) that my wives and I have "liked" on Facebook.  I have got a few friend requests from people on this site.  My wives have been inundated by friend requests from various men that saw them on the site.  It didn't matter that the girls were married to me, these men showed interest in them.  One woman I know said that a man actually tried to entice her a way from her husband by asking her, "Wouldn't you want to be with a more godly man?"

This problem is notorious in larger polygamist groups.  In marital disputes, it is almost a cliche that Priesthood Councils will rule in favor of the woman, and instead of encouraging her to work problems out, they encourage her to leave the husband.  Why?  Because she becomes "available".

I knew one man with two wives who went out of town to get a job and to find a new house for his family.  It was assumed that he had abandoned his wives, and some very "friendly" and "concerned" men came out of the woodwork to "check" on these poor wives.

Don't get me wrong - if I die, I would want my wives to remarry, and find someone they could love for the remainder of their lives.  But marriage covenants, in my belief, are eternal, and, unless I am abusive or adulterous, I deserve a chance to work things out with my wives and improve my relationships with them.

This predatory aspect of plural marriage has always bothered me, because some men try and do what would never occur to me.  I would NEVER try to make a move on another man's wife!  If you are desperate to live polygamy, have some patience and find a single lady.  And after you propose to her, give her some space and let her make her own decision.  It is worth a lot more if she winds up with you because it was her choice, and not because you smooth-talked her or coerced her into it.

And trying to steal another man's wife?  Adultery.  Plain and simple.  I don't care what priesthood calling you have.  It's adultery.  To quote Jack Nicholson, "Never rub another man's rhubarb."

Next, I will talk about courting...

HOW TO GET A SISTERWIFE

Okay, that title was a little misleading, because the truth is - I really don't know.  I can only say what has worked and what hasn't worked for me.  But I am asked this question ALL THE TIME.  I get emails from people I have never met, asking me this elusive of questions:  How do I find another wife?

Being a polygamist is a unique experience - because you aren't single, so you can't exactly be trolling the single's bars.  But you are kind of available, so you can keep your options open.  But how do you convince women - in this day and age of One Man/ One Woman - that the ancient, biblical practice of plural marriage is right for her, and that you are willing to be her polygamy partner?

Well, first of all, you need at least one wife who is willing.  I can't tell you how many men have asked me, "I really want to live polygamy, but how do I get my first wife to accept it?  She ain't having it!"

If the above scenario is you, then I am sorry for you.  Polygamy is about consenting adults, and you cannot force anyone into it.  Polygamy is not worth giving your first wife up over.  Why would you put somebody through pain and agony when they are not really into it?  If you want your first wife to live plural marriage, then convince her through long-suffering, prayer, teaching, patience, love and understanding, NOT by bringing home the chick you met at the biker bar and presenting her as wife #2.  In Mormonism, we call this the "Law of Sarah".  In the Bible, Sarah gave Hagar as a wife to Abraham.  Your first wife should have the opportunity to make this decision with you.  It's about honoring her.  There is no worse way to try to live plural marriage than to have someone not into it.  For the sake of your sanity, don't do anything stupid like rushing into this.

Second of all, you need to find a woman - or women - who are willing.  I don't know if you have noticed, but women who are willing to live plural marriage are not dropping out of the sky.

Wait, I take it back.  They are.  That is how Temple came into my life.  I wasn't really looking, and the opportunity presented itself.  Temple came out of nowhere.  I know to this day that God brought her into my life.  One reason - honestly, what would such a beautiful, young lady want with a toad like me?  She was a Godsend, an angel that flitted into my life.

Shortly after I married her, I decided that the internet would be a great place to find the next wife.  I signed up for several dating sites.  I listed on my profile that I was a "polygamist".  Guess how many hits I got?  None.  Zilch.  Zip.  So - in a sly maneuver - I changed my profile to "single".  I started getting several hits.

Several were from Russia.  "This is weird," I thought.  "Why are there so many single, beautiful women in Russia?"  I started getting the same letter from different Russian girls.  Not similar letters, the same!  And they all started asking for money for plane tickets.  It becomes disheartening when you realize that the hot Russian babe that you are trying to convince of the truthfulness of plural marriage is really some dude behind a computer in Minsk.

I didn't realize what I was doing until I caused a young, single Muslim girl in Uzbekistan to fall in love with me.  We wrote every day.  We talked on the phone, and she thought I was single.  When the time came to admit to her that I was a polygamist, it broke her heart.  I caused that young lady some real pain and some real tears.  I felt like such an ass.

I decided then and there that I would be completely honest about who I was and what I was seeking.  I would never lie again.  I haven't used the dating sites ever since.

Then there are the polygamy dating sites.  If you could see me type, you would see me laughing out loud.  Most of them are a joke.  When you look at those enrolled, it is mostly couples "seeking sisterwives", and there are very few single ladies.  And when single ladies come around, they are a hot commodity, sought by all.  My wife Temple calls it "the rat race".

I did correspond with a few women this way.  I will tell you about one woman.  She was a divorcee in Georgia.  I kept asking her why she had divorced, because that is kind of an important topic to me.  Whenever I asked, she always evaded the question.  She wanted to talk on the phone.  But she would not give me her number.  She called my phone, and she always restricted her call so that I could not see her number.

She wan't Mormon, so I thought that the first step would be for her to gain a testimony of my religion.  So I arranged for her to get a Book of Mormon.  This is how our email conversations ensued:

Woman:  When do I get to marry you?  When do I get to be your third wife?
Moroni:  Have you read the Book of Mormon yet?
Woman:  No.  When are you going to marry me?
Moroni:  We aren't even talking about that until you read the Book of Mormon.


This went on for a while until I just stopped answering her, because it was evident that she really wasn't interested.  As a man, I am always coming across women who pretend to be interested in plural marriage and will indulge in the act of establishing an online relationship, but never want to take it to the next level.  I don't understand such people, but they are out there in droves.  Here are some warning signs when dealing online with a prospective wife:

1)  If she is only interested in you, and not your other wife/ wives and children - run!  Run away!  She is not a candidate for your family.
2)  If she does not want to meet you, and always has an excuse why you can't meet, she is not real.  I'm sorry.  Move on to someone who is willing to invest time and effort to get to know you.
3)  If she is not willing to provide personal information (phone number, photos, mailing address, etc.) - at the same time professing that she wants to become your plural wife - she is not real.


I don't know what motivates such people.  I don't understand why anyone would invest so much time and energy into deception (unless you are working for/ with the anti-polygamist organizations), but it is to the point that I am skeptical about Every.  Single.  Person.  until i know them face to face.  (On a side note, one such person actually admitted to me that she was playing such a game, and she has since become once of my best friends on the planet.  Anyone remember Molly?  LOL  I still talk to her.)

That said, I admit that I have not been the best prospective husband in the world.  I have communicated with some really sweet women, and I let the relationships wither on the vine.  Because online relationships are not always the easiest.  For me, I need face to face contact to establish a true connection.

But all of this has lead me to believe - the internet is NOT a great place to meet a wife.  I have given up on that a long time ago.  Instead, it is a great place to network with people who share similar beliefs.  So I use the internet to talk to people and tell them what works for me, about my own experience.

That doesn't mean that it can't work online.  I know many people who have met their plural wives online.  I am just saying that it has never worked for ME, personally.

One other pet peeve - the families that allow the wife do do all the sisterwife seeking.  I believe that wives should take a proactive role in the seeking out of wives, but some men turn this responsibility over completely to their wives.  It has been my general observation that such women become monsters.  They become more aggressive in pursuing a woman than a man generally would, and they don't take rejection well.  A man will pine and mourn the loss of a prospective wife quietly, and then move on.  A woman will fume and rage and curse that woman and her posterity and ancestors for all time and eternity.  LOL

Another pet peeve:  She is a "sisterwife" only to your wife, dude.  Not to you.  The lingo is new to the American consciousness, thanks to the show "Sister Wives".  To the man, she is a "plural wife", or even just a "wife".  If you are the man, she cannot be your "sisterwife".  That has some incestuous connotations, and that's just sick.  ;)

But to answer the question:  How do you find a sisterwife?

Answer:  Take a chance.  If it is online, that's fine.  But I am sure that you and your wife know at least one single lady that you would like to see come into your family.  Take a chance and talk to her.  What's the worst that can happen?  She might say no.  But you never know.  She might say yes.

That said, I am still open to any and all questions.  I hope this generates discussion.  Peace.