The Aftermath

I spent a couple of nights sleepless thinking about some of the things I said. It is hard to have a camera on you round the clock and then sometimes you wonder of some of the things you said will make you look like a dumb ass.

For instance, Temple darted around the sex questions. Martha was mortified by them, and I am a little too open about questions like that. I didn't discuss explicit details. But when it comes to discussing the philosophy of sex, I am too open. An example - I talked about how Mormons are one of the few Christian religions that does not subscribe to the concept of Original Sin - that sex is dirty. Mormons share a common factor with some pagan religions in that we view sex as something holy and almost sacramental. But that there is this contradictory sentiment with sex that we also hold, because the orginal convert base of the early Mormon church was the Puritans of New England.

One of my friends commended me for being so open, but "you won't have anymore friends in the Mormon fundamentalist world because of your discussions on sex."

The day we finished shooting, Texas raided the FLDS compound and hauled off busloads of women and children. This augmented the feelings of paranoia in our community. It made us feel the poignant possibility that Arizona could do something similar.

And to many in my community, it increased the fear that my talking to the media would bring bad repurcussions on us. They view it like I have consorted with the enemy. Many are already second guessing my motivations. I am sure that they are saying that I have done this for money (what money?) or attention. They have no idea what motivates me, because they are too afraid to ask me.

But in my mind, how often does someone want to do a possitive approach about polygamy? And if not a possitive approach, how about an honest one?

Some of my other non-Mormon friends have congradulated me for being so brave and open in a world that has been so hostile towards us.

I look forward to the release of the two episodes. But at the same time, I am afraid, wondering if I have done the right thins.