Rule: "Never Rub Another Man's Rhubarb"

Despite the media-perpetuated stereotype, I think it is safe to say that most Mormon polygamists don't support underage or forced marriages.  The FLDS concept of having priesthood leaders arrange a marriage is alien - and sickening - to me.  To me, it violates the basic Mormon tenet of free agency taught by our founder, Joseph Smith.  This teaches that all men - and women - have the capacity to act as agents for themselves, being able to choose good or evil.

That doesn't mean that the rest of the polygamy world is not free of problems and abuses.  I have never tried to candy-coat the culture of polygamy, nor have I tried to candy-coat my own marriages.  This lifestyle is challenging and will try you to the core.  A man must constantly work at his relationships, or else this will consume him.

As I commented a couple of posts back, there are challenges in finding a woman who is willing to share her husband with another woman, and even more challenges in finding a single woman who is willing to enter into this lifestyle.  Some men become desperate in their quest.

In my list of pet peeves in that post, someone pointed out that I missed one of my greatest dislikes - and that is polygamist men who try to move in on other men's wives.

This irks me to no end, and this is one of the greatest problems that one finds in the Groups.  It bugs me, because it diminishes the free agency of a woman and turns her into property, into chattel.  The greatest gift that a woman can give is her choice of staying with a man, and these men who try to persuade women to leave their husbands are the worst kind of predators.

There is a Christian ministry (that I have nothing against) that my wives and I have "liked" on Facebook.  I have got a few friend requests from people on this site.  My wives have been inundated by friend requests from various men that saw them on the site.  It didn't matter that the girls were married to me, these men showed interest in them.  One woman I know said that a man actually tried to entice her a way from her husband by asking her, "Wouldn't you want to be with a more godly man?"

This problem is notorious in larger polygamist groups.  In marital disputes, it is almost a cliche that Priesthood Councils will rule in favor of the woman, and instead of encouraging her to work problems out, they encourage her to leave the husband.  Why?  Because she becomes "available".

I knew one man with two wives who went out of town to get a job and to find a new house for his family.  It was assumed that he had abandoned his wives, and some very "friendly" and "concerned" men came out of the woodwork to "check" on these poor wives.

Don't get me wrong - if I die, I would want my wives to remarry, and find someone they could love for the remainder of their lives.  But marriage covenants, in my belief, are eternal, and, unless I am abusive or adulterous, I deserve a chance to work things out with my wives and improve my relationships with them.

This predatory aspect of plural marriage has always bothered me, because some men try and do what would never occur to me.  I would NEVER try to make a move on another man's wife!  If you are desperate to live polygamy, have some patience and find a single lady.  And after you propose to her, give her some space and let her make her own decision.  It is worth a lot more if she winds up with you because it was her choice, and not because you smooth-talked her or coerced her into it.

And trying to steal another man's wife?  Adultery.  Plain and simple.  I don't care what priesthood calling you have.  It's adultery.  To quote Jack Nicholson, "Never rub another man's rhubarb."

Next, I will talk about courting...