Article from "The Orion"

Here is an article from California State University's magazine - The Orion. It is feedback from "Forbidden Love: Polygamy" on TLC:



Show sheds polygamy stigma, views positives
By: Kelly Chandler
Issue date: 12/3/08 Section: Opinion

Love is more than just a game for two. Try three, four or even five.

The simplest states of love are difficult to endure, so I can only imagine how much that difficulty intensifies in a forbidden love affair such as polygamy.

To make it clear, having multiple husbands or wives doesn't bother me as much as what's generally associated with polygamy: the abuse, the compounds, the brainwashing and the sense of powerlessness for women.

However, polygamy is no longer just a religious, male-dominated world of abuse. It has more positively become an individual's choice to live an alternative lifestyle full of love, commitment and strong family values.

After watching a TV series on TLC about polygamy I found there are quite a few positive points:

In a polygamist household, the husband commits to every wife and every child for life. Abandoning any of them isn't an option. With high rates of divorce and fatherless families in traditional marriages, it seems maybe polygamists can teach some of us a lesson in commitment.

More wives or husbands in the house means more helping hands. Household chores become easier because everyone shares the workload. Having more help cuts the tasks in half, allowing more personal time for the parents to relax.

Children are also never left unattended. In many conventional marriages both parents work outside the home, leaving children unattended. A National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center report states that children and teens who are not supervised by adults during after-school hours are more likely to use alcohol, drugs and tobacco; receive poor grades or drop out of school; engage in risky sexual behavior; or get arrested and carry and use weapons. Having multiple sets of eyes watching the children at all times would help to prevent those things from happening.

Some people would argue that having sex with multiple wives is not love or a commitment at all. However, about 24 percent of men and 14 percent of women have had sex outside their marriage, according to a national study by University of San Francisco. Infidelity is prominent in a lot of relationships and a wedding ring and vows won't be enough to change the temptation to stray. It's hypocritical to condemn polygamy, because people have sex outside their marriages all the time with no remorse.

When people hear about polygamy they usually associate it with men having multiple wives, but it can also be women having multiple husbands. Why don't more women have multiple husbands? Well, since polygamist families generally have a lot of children, I figured the woman would be pregnant all the time, and that alone is probably enough to deter most women, not to mention that dealing with so much testosterone would be a full-time job in itself.

But the bigger question is: Why does America consider polygamy forbidden? It seems anything that threatens or challenges traditional marriage is seen as immoral. I don't see polygamy as a threat to traditional marriage. Marriage has in itself managed its own demise - polygamy wasn't an accomplice.

Loving multiple people and making a lifetime commitment to them is not immoral. What is immoral is the denial of a person's right to marry whom he or she loves.

When people date around it's easy to like multiple people, and it's very possible for those relationships to eventually turn into love. Polygamists consider those multiple relationships as additions to the family, which a lot of nonpolygamists don't understand. Traditional marriage may be the norm, but that doesn't necessarily make it the right way to live. Polygamy is a different lifestyle but it should still be accepted.

The definition of traditional marriage is outdated and discriminatory and should be changed to fit everyone's interests, whether that's between a straight couple, gay couple or between multiple people.

Marriage is about love, and love, whoever it's between, still maintains the same values: a strong affection based on admiration, devotion, benevolence and common interests. That happiness should be available to everyone.

Kelley Chandler can be reached at kchandler@theorion.com

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