Moroni's Review of TLC's "My Five Wives"

My Five Wives

In the wake of all of the anti-polygamy, "I-escaped-from-polygamy" books that seem to be prevalent, it is refreshing to see material that comes out that puts polygamous families and relationships in a positive light.  Being semi-isolated the way I am, I have not had a chance to see many of the TV shows that have come out.  Truthfully, I have only ever seen three episodes of TLC's "Sister Wives", and I really liked it.  I have never read "Love Times Three" by the Darger family - a family I knew back in my days living in Utah, nor have I seen their TLC special "My Three Wives", although I heard positive reviews about both.  I have never seen National Geographic's "Polygamy USA" that details the community in Centennial Park, AZ, although I have heard it was interesting.

When "My Five Wives" aired about a week, or so, ago, I also missed it.  I don't have cable or satellite, but I heard mostly good reviews about it.  I participated in many of the online discussions about it, but I finally got to watch it when TLC put it on their website here.

This one-time special deals with a polygamist man in Utah, Brady Williams, and his large family of five wives and many children.  Hopefully, this family will get their own program, because there was very little time in the allotted 45 minutes other than to introduce each of the wives and their respective children.  It would definitely take a whole series to explore the intricacies of the family.

Some of the criticisms - many of them coming from the Christian polygamous communities - included his housing arrangements.  Instead of everyone living in a common area, he has his house broken down into townhouse-style apartments.  The truth is - most polygamist houses in Utah are set up this way, and I thought it was a very good arrangement.  In fact, I am kind of jealous.  I wish that I had that kind of setup for my family.

There was a clip in the show where some of the wives express jealousy about Brady sharing the birthday with another wife.  Another online criticism was that, after fifteen years, it was unlikely that this was still an issue with the wives.  Having experienced plural marriage, I can say - wives can remember things for a long, long time - especially if it is an unresolved issue.  I thought it was very commendable how they met together and discussed the problem and come up with a solution.

There were also discussions about how he handled broaching the subject of health with a slightly overweight wife.  Some felt he was insensitive.  I thought it was handled tastefully with genuine concern.  I could find no fault with the way he handled it.

A lot of fuss was made about the family "leaving the religion", whatever that means.  The Williams belonged to the same congregation that I did back in the '90s, the AUB, just like the Browns on "Sister Wives".  I heard that the Williams left the AUB.  But they still seem spiritual, loving, and they radiate a goodness.  I have no problem with any of their decisions in regard to their religion.

The last criticism was about how he handled the issue of having another child with one wife, while another wife wanted to adopt a baby.  I admit, I would have handled the situation differently, but every family is different, has a different dynamic.

One of the things that I learned upon entering plural marriage, everyone automatically becomes an armchair judge of how you run your family and criticizes how you do things.  I don't know why.  Perhaps the expectation of you grows.  The things that people forget - people don't enter plural marriage because they are perfect.  They have to grow and work through things, just like everyone else.

I, for one, think that Brady (a guy I also knew back in the day) has a wonderful family.  They are beautiful, photogenic, well-adjusted, and happy.  They are a good face for polygamy, and I hope they return to the small screen.

Correspondence with Christine Marie Katas of Voices For Dignity

Recently, I had a correspondence with Christine Marie Katas of Voices of Dignity, who is also a member of anti-polygamist group, Sound Choices Coalition.  It was in regard to a post that I had made here.  In the post, I had included a black-and-white photo of women in KKK garb.  It was intended to draw an emotional response, and I admit that it was inflammatory on my part.  I have removed the photo at Ms. Katas's request.

Here is what she wrote to me:

Brother Moroni, I did not make up those statistics, my friend. They came from medical studies and other research submitted to and examined by the Chief Justice Bauman of British Columbia Supreme Court after "the most comprehensive judicial record on the subject ever produced, I have concluded that the Attorneys General and their allied Interested Persons have demonstrated a very strong basis for a reasoned apprehension of harm to many in our society inherent in the practice of polygamy..." 

If you would like to review the research and rationale for the decision yourself, you can study it right here: http://stoppolygamy.com/court-decision-on-polygamy/

I was sharing the facts of the court. My opinion was that creative thinking and collaboration should be explored in an attempt to make a difference. By no means did that make me part of a hate group.

That's silly. I care about the welfare of women and children - that did not merit posting a photo of the KKK. That photo is offensive even to look at. I have many African American friends. It would hurt them even to know a photo like that still exists and is being posted on the Internet. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you be so kind as to remove it?

I believe our time and energy would be better spent building friendships, collaborating, and figuring out how to change those harmful facts. 

No one wants to see people harmed. I am sure that is one area where we are in agreement, right? I am sure the solutions are out there. I hope you find them.

Kind regards,

Christine Marie


And here is my response:

Sister Christine,

I have taken the photo down at your request. First, because you requested it. And second, because you actually have made an effort to have a dialogue with the polygamous society. That is more than many of your contemporaries have done.

You have referred me to some research that corroborates your claims. I ask you the question - was this research done exclusively with the communities in British Columbia (FLDS and the Blackmore communities)? I would like to point out that many fundamentalist Mormons would not find any common ground with these communities - culturally, doctrinally, or socially. To me, it is akin to doing a polygamy study on Muslims and then applying that data to Mormons. We do NOT want to be painted with the same brush that is used to portray the FLDS, and other extreme groups.

I lived as a polygamist for 13 years, and, whereas my attempt has failed, it had nothing to do with polygamy. But the internet record speaks that for more than a decade, I have publicly spoken out against abuse (mental, physical, and emotional). I have spoken out against child marriages and arranged marriages. I worked for 9 years as a social worker, and used my knowledge as an advocate to get polygamous families to speak to the government and human service agencies.

So when you say that you have done a very detailed study in British Columbia, I believe you. But I do not feel it represents me, or the people I associate with.

You indicate that you are open to have dialogue with polygamous families to change that. I applaud that. And for that, I offer my sincere apologies for my post, which could be considered inflammatory. I am truly sorry. This is an emotional topic. I love my children more than anything in this world; I live for them. And the thought that a government agency and/ or advocacy group would take them away from me just because I am/ was a polygamist is terrifying to me. I was already witnessing hateful people WHO DID NOT KNOW ME spreading lies and speaking to the media about me. That is when I decided to go public and speak to the media, including starting this blog. So if I misrepresented you, I am sorry. I welcome any dialogue.

Please continue to speak to polygamists and draw them out of the shadows. Because it is in the shadows that the crimes are committed. Coming into the light and being able to converse is what will help us all.

Thanks again for responding,

Moroni Jessop

PS Perhaps I can refer you to "Polygamous Families in Contemporary Society" (Atlman, Ginat, 1996) which concludes that abuse and dysfunction do not occur in any greater rates in polygamous families than monogamous families.

I Know What I Did This Summer...

For anyone who wants to know how my summer went, I had a very good friend visit from Europe for the second year in a row.  It was a good visit.  He blogged about it here and again here.  Check it out.