Scarecrow & Mrs. Ka-ching

Dare I blog about it? Oh, yes I do. The final divorce hearing between my soon-to-be-ex-sister-in-law Sarine Jessop and my brother Carlos. After two, long, grueling years, it is nearly over.

My brother wanted me to testify, and he also wanted my wife to testify with me. So I prepared some notes for the lawyer and put on my best (only) suit. Did I want to do it? No. Did I want to speak out against my sister-in-law? No. There is a part of me that still cares about her. But then I remember that she was selfish enough to try to come after me and my children. And as I lace my tie, it is like putting on armor, preparing to go into battle.

The hearing started in the morning. Sarine and her posse got three hours in the morning to present her case. Carlos would get the afternoon. We met my brother at the park in St. Johns. Everything is starting to turn green. Carlos said the media was there when he arrived at the courthouse. They asked him to comment as he walked in. He said nothing. He is not a media whore, like me.

He also said that Flora Jessop was there. She was supposed to be present as an expert witness on polygamy, which is strange for a couple of reasons. First, she could only possibly be an expert on her own particular group, the FLDS. And we are nothing like the FLDS. As a gag, I thought about wearing a pioneer dress myself to the hearing, but that is about as close as it gets. Second, my brother reported to me that polygamy had not really come up at all during the proceedings. This really surprised me. Flora did not even take the stand. My brother reported to me that he walked by Flora at one point. She was always tailed by some sycophantic red-headed chick who would snicker anytime Flora said something. Flora looked at my brother and whispered to her friend (probably also ex-FLDS), “He’s going
down!”

So when we got to the courthouse, we all sat in the lobby, not allowed to go into the actual courtroom during the proceedings. It was a long, boring afternoon while they did some telephonic conferences and cross-witnessed both Carlos & Sarine. The only person that they called in to testify was my sister, Marina, and she wasn’t even cross-examined.

Sarine’s entourage had vanished during the afternoon, but my brother Tony made a forage downstairs out of boredom and ran into Flora Jessop. He is gallant, and he introduced himself as “Cousin Tony”. My brother is usually very polite, but also very unafraid. I probably would have stood their cringing like the toad that I am.

At one point, I had to make a cell phone call, so I stepped outside. Flora came out the door and stood there, also on the cell phone. The first thing I noticed about her is how old she looks. She is the same age as me (38), but she looks 48. She was dressed in a leather jacket and voluminous slacks that flapped in the breeze around her skinny legs and high heels that went clickety-clack on the pavement of the sidewalk. She reminded me of a scarecrow with her straw hair hanging lank to her shoulders and he baggy clothes hanging off of her thin frame. She exuded the audacity of a bag lady, and she had the intense confidence of someone who is tweaking (which makes me wonder why she kept going to her truck so often.)

I could be wrong, but she had the look of someone who is on meth. I know the look. I was a social worker for nine years (and also a drug user during my college days).

There was a part of me who regretted being on polar opposite sides of the polygamy issue as Flora. Since we are the same age, I wondered if – in different circumstances – that we could have been friends. Or if we might find common ground in some other areas. But then I remember that she does not view polygamists as either moderate or extreme. She has made it plain that she hates us all, and wants to see our children taken from us forever.

The hearing went over an hour past the time the courthouse closed, and we went in to hear the closing statements. Later, one of my brothers pointed out something to me. The only thing that Sarine’s lawyer brought up was money. They did not talk about the welfare of the children, except where it involved child support. They argued about funds from a community property investment that my brother had, and where the money should go. They talked about alimony. It proved that my sister-in-law cares nothing about her children. All she wants Carlos to do is to “show her the money”. For cash, she is willing to destroy us all. It makes me sad.

We all dispersed from the courthouse together for an awkward moment – my family and Sarine’s entourage. So many feelings and thoughts were welling up within me. But I kept my head down and walked to my car, nodding at one of Sarine’s brothers as I passed. My brother Tony, however, waved his middle finger at Sarine and company and said, “Bye-bye!”