I have been out of work since I came back from South Carolina at the beginning of December. I can blame the economy. I can also blame my health, since I still suffered from DVT during this time.
Even though it was one of the toughest times economically for us ever, my latino machismo prevented me from asking my wives to look for work. Temple decided on her own to look for work. After applying at several locations, she was asked by the principal of the elementary school to apply for a teacher’s aide position.
First, a word about Temple – since her children have started school, she has been the epitome of a good mom. She helps the kids with their homework. She is very involved with the school. When the kids have issues, she is not afraid to go and talk to the teachers or principal. She is involved with the PTA. (I think there are only four, or so, members.) She will go to school board members to listen in and discuss issues that she feels strongly about.
And I think that she has made an impression on the principal and on the teachers. I believe that there is a stereotype about polygamous mothers – that they are weak, have no thoughts of their own, that they are controlled, suppressed, that they are afraid of government and schools, that they are incapable of handling problems on their own. Temple (and Martha for that matter) has shown that she is not afraid to get involved, and, more importantly, that she is not afraid to express her opinion.
So it came as no surprise that they offered her a job.
Next, a word about the school my kids attend – I have always said that we were blessed to have our kids go there. The whole region where we live is predominantly LDS – except Concho. It is an island of Gentiles in the sea of Mormondom. Our awkward transition from fundamentalist homeschoolers to public school would have been very difficult if we were dealing with a Mormon staff. At the school in Concho, everybody knows. We have kids from different mothers in the same class. Nobody says anything. We get compliments on our kids all the time. In other words, we have felt very welcome, in spite of our non-traditional lifestyle.
That’s not to say that there has not been some awkwardness. I have left Martha and Temple to deal with the school. Sometimes when I go to the school, I get strange looks from the teachers and the staff. I catch them staring at me from the corner of my eye. I know why they are staring at me. I almost feel like if my wives are the ones dealing with the school, they are considered to be more innocuous than me. Throw the husband into the mix, and they feel threatened. I am the dangerous one. I am the alpha male.
So as a result, I try to stay minimally involved when it comes to the school…
So the principal offered Temple a job as a teacher’s aide. This was the perfect job for her. In a situation where she was forced to get a job, there could be no better job than working closely with our children. She took the PARA Professional test, and – even though she was very nervous – she scored high.
She started a couple of weeks ago. Temple’s take-charge attitude and German efficiency has benefited her well. She takes no nonsense from the children and takes pride in what she does.
However, she noticed some peculiar behavior from some of the staff. We know enough to guess that this is because of the rumors of polygamy. But no one has mentioned anything to her, and by and large, everyone has treated her with dignity and respect.
Temple commented that there was one aide who seemed particularly bothered by Temple’s presence at the school. This aide worked in one of my son’s classes. Temple would catch this woman shooting daggers at her, and, on one occasion, Temple tried to strike up a conversation with this woman, and the woman not only refused to answer, but walked the other way. I told Temple to not let it bug her.
On Valentine’s Day, the 2nd Grade class had a party. Both Martha and Temple have children in the class, so both of them attended the party. As they were walking out the door, Martha asked her sisterwife, “Would you like me to take the kids home? Or would you?”
Temple answered, “I would like you to. I’m kind of burned out on the kids at the moment.”
Temple looked up to see that the aide had been party to this discussion. The lady wore such a look of revulsion and disgust. Usually, we don’t flaunt our lifestyle in front of other people. They didn’t say enough to cause a scene. It wasn’t something as obvious as, “Who is Moroni sleeping with tonight?” But it was enough that this lady showed – by nonverbal means – her feelings towards plural marriage, and to us.
Still, I don’t have a problem with that – as long as it remains nonverbal.
The other day, I went to pick up the kids from school, and the first thing that my daughter Sara did was announce that the teacher’s aide had confided in her that my son was misbehaving that day and had been punished for spitting on another student. Sara said that the aide also told her that if that behavior continued that my son would find himself kicked out of school.
Now, as a parent, I believe in discipline. I grew up in the days when teachers would rap me on the head with a ruler when I misbehaved, and I think that it is a shame that this kind of discipline no longer exists in schools. When my kids misbehave, I am glad that they are disciplined and punished for their behavior.
What I did take an issue with is that the aide went to my daughter with a behavioral issue involving my son – and didn’t come to us.
The first thing I did was to reprimand Sara for being such a busybody. I told her that it was none of her business to check on the wellbeing of her brother.
Then in private, I told Temple that she ought to talk to the teacher quietly and let her know that we did not approve of the aide sharing the details with another sibling.
The next day, I got a text from Temple. She told me that she was so upset that we was shaking.
As I suggested, she went to talk to the teacher. The teacher assured her that she would look into it. As Temple was going into the bathroom, the aide in question rounded on Temple and proceeded to chew her out severely. The aide was livid that Temple went over her head to the teacher, and she essentially called Sara a liar.
At one point, the aide said, “I don’t want to get involved with your FAMILY ISSUES!”
Family issues??? What “family issues” could she be referring to? Oh, I guess that we are a plural family. Although she was careful not to say it, she told us that her problem with us is that we are a polygamous family.
Later on, I found out that this woman is LDS – which came as a surprise to me, because she has a latino last name. Generally, most latinos in our area are not Mormon. But I shouldn’t be surprised, because I am a latino AND LDS.
Temple later expressed regret for handling things the way she did, for getting the aide upset. I told her that she did the right thing.
You see, this aide thought that she wasn’t doing anything wrong, because rules of civility, niceness, good manners, etc., don’t apply to polygamists. You can treat them anyway that you want, and it’s okay, because they are despicable. Furthermore, plural wives are weak, submissive, cannot think for themselves, etc. I am sure that it came as quite a surprise to learn that Temple has teeth and is not afraid to bite.
She asked me if she should do anything else, like go to the principal. I told her no. Let it slide. Let them know that they can’t f*** with us and get away with it.
I posted a little bit about it on FaceBook, and my brother asked me, “Were you surprised?”
I responded that – yes! – I am surprised. Every time it happens. I cannot wrap my mind about why this woman would CARE that we are polygamists. It does not hurt her. It does not affect her. Why should she care that there are polygamist children in her school? Or that a plural wife works as an aide at the same school? I cannot comprehend why someone would go out of their way to be mean or nasty or even give us a second thought.
But the reality – there are some that do…
Even though it was one of the toughest times economically for us ever, my latino machismo prevented me from asking my wives to look for work. Temple decided on her own to look for work. After applying at several locations, she was asked by the principal of the elementary school to apply for a teacher’s aide position.
First, a word about Temple – since her children have started school, she has been the epitome of a good mom. She helps the kids with their homework. She is very involved with the school. When the kids have issues, she is not afraid to go and talk to the teachers or principal. She is involved with the PTA. (I think there are only four, or so, members.) She will go to school board members to listen in and discuss issues that she feels strongly about.
And I think that she has made an impression on the principal and on the teachers. I believe that there is a stereotype about polygamous mothers – that they are weak, have no thoughts of their own, that they are controlled, suppressed, that they are afraid of government and schools, that they are incapable of handling problems on their own. Temple (and Martha for that matter) has shown that she is not afraid to get involved, and, more importantly, that she is not afraid to express her opinion.
So it came as no surprise that they offered her a job.
Next, a word about the school my kids attend – I have always said that we were blessed to have our kids go there. The whole region where we live is predominantly LDS – except Concho. It is an island of Gentiles in the sea of Mormondom. Our awkward transition from fundamentalist homeschoolers to public school would have been very difficult if we were dealing with a Mormon staff. At the school in Concho, everybody knows. We have kids from different mothers in the same class. Nobody says anything. We get compliments on our kids all the time. In other words, we have felt very welcome, in spite of our non-traditional lifestyle.
That’s not to say that there has not been some awkwardness. I have left Martha and Temple to deal with the school. Sometimes when I go to the school, I get strange looks from the teachers and the staff. I catch them staring at me from the corner of my eye. I know why they are staring at me. I almost feel like if my wives are the ones dealing with the school, they are considered to be more innocuous than me. Throw the husband into the mix, and they feel threatened. I am the dangerous one. I am the alpha male.
So as a result, I try to stay minimally involved when it comes to the school…
So the principal offered Temple a job as a teacher’s aide. This was the perfect job for her. In a situation where she was forced to get a job, there could be no better job than working closely with our children. She took the PARA Professional test, and – even though she was very nervous – she scored high.
She started a couple of weeks ago. Temple’s take-charge attitude and German efficiency has benefited her well. She takes no nonsense from the children and takes pride in what she does.
However, she noticed some peculiar behavior from some of the staff. We know enough to guess that this is because of the rumors of polygamy. But no one has mentioned anything to her, and by and large, everyone has treated her with dignity and respect.
Temple commented that there was one aide who seemed particularly bothered by Temple’s presence at the school. This aide worked in one of my son’s classes. Temple would catch this woman shooting daggers at her, and, on one occasion, Temple tried to strike up a conversation with this woman, and the woman not only refused to answer, but walked the other way. I told Temple to not let it bug her.
On Valentine’s Day, the 2nd Grade class had a party. Both Martha and Temple have children in the class, so both of them attended the party. As they were walking out the door, Martha asked her sisterwife, “Would you like me to take the kids home? Or would you?”
Temple answered, “I would like you to. I’m kind of burned out on the kids at the moment.”
Temple looked up to see that the aide had been party to this discussion. The lady wore such a look of revulsion and disgust. Usually, we don’t flaunt our lifestyle in front of other people. They didn’t say enough to cause a scene. It wasn’t something as obvious as, “Who is Moroni sleeping with tonight?” But it was enough that this lady showed – by nonverbal means – her feelings towards plural marriage, and to us.
Still, I don’t have a problem with that – as long as it remains nonverbal.
The other day, I went to pick up the kids from school, and the first thing that my daughter Sara did was announce that the teacher’s aide had confided in her that my son was misbehaving that day and had been punished for spitting on another student. Sara said that the aide also told her that if that behavior continued that my son would find himself kicked out of school.
Now, as a parent, I believe in discipline. I grew up in the days when teachers would rap me on the head with a ruler when I misbehaved, and I think that it is a shame that this kind of discipline no longer exists in schools. When my kids misbehave, I am glad that they are disciplined and punished for their behavior.
What I did take an issue with is that the aide went to my daughter with a behavioral issue involving my son – and didn’t come to us.
The first thing I did was to reprimand Sara for being such a busybody. I told her that it was none of her business to check on the wellbeing of her brother.
Then in private, I told Temple that she ought to talk to the teacher quietly and let her know that we did not approve of the aide sharing the details with another sibling.
The next day, I got a text from Temple. She told me that she was so upset that we was shaking.
As I suggested, she went to talk to the teacher. The teacher assured her that she would look into it. As Temple was going into the bathroom, the aide in question rounded on Temple and proceeded to chew her out severely. The aide was livid that Temple went over her head to the teacher, and she essentially called Sara a liar.
At one point, the aide said, “I don’t want to get involved with your FAMILY ISSUES!”
Family issues??? What “family issues” could she be referring to? Oh, I guess that we are a plural family. Although she was careful not to say it, she told us that her problem with us is that we are a polygamous family.
Later on, I found out that this woman is LDS – which came as a surprise to me, because she has a latino last name. Generally, most latinos in our area are not Mormon. But I shouldn’t be surprised, because I am a latino AND LDS.
Temple later expressed regret for handling things the way she did, for getting the aide upset. I told her that she did the right thing.
You see, this aide thought that she wasn’t doing anything wrong, because rules of civility, niceness, good manners, etc., don’t apply to polygamists. You can treat them anyway that you want, and it’s okay, because they are despicable. Furthermore, plural wives are weak, submissive, cannot think for themselves, etc. I am sure that it came as quite a surprise to learn that Temple has teeth and is not afraid to bite.
She asked me if she should do anything else, like go to the principal. I told her no. Let it slide. Let them know that they can’t f*** with us and get away with it.
I posted a little bit about it on FaceBook, and my brother asked me, “Were you surprised?”
I responded that – yes! – I am surprised. Every time it happens. I cannot wrap my mind about why this woman would CARE that we are polygamists. It does not hurt her. It does not affect her. Why should she care that there are polygamist children in her school? Or that a plural wife works as an aide at the same school? I cannot comprehend why someone would go out of their way to be mean or nasty or even give us a second thought.
But the reality – there are some that do…
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3 comments:
Yes, it matters to them that we are choosing to do things that their ancestors laid aside. It also bothers them that families can be happy, even if they are non-monogamous and raise healthy, happy children. Or that polygamists have no right to have children whatsoever... Oh, wait, yes we do!
Since you aren't that involved (as you say), she thought that your wives were lesbians, not polygamists. LOL :P
It's true that the LDS seem to be the fiercest opponents to plural marriage. I guess it's because they are working so hard to be accepted as mainstream Christians, that Mormon doctrines really bug them.
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