As I mentioned, there has been much activity in my life since “Forbidden Love: Polygamy” aired on TLC a couple of weeks ago. (It is supposed to rerun a couple of times in December as well.)
Most of it has been positive. People from across the States have emailed me out of the blue, thanking me for my example. Some have stated that their wives struggled with the concept of plural marriage until they watched the show or read the blog.
There has been some negative response, but, surprisingly, most of it has come from my own community – the people that I am supposed to be closer to than anyone else. Mostly, the negative response is found in their stony stares and silent disapproval.
First of all, I must state – I did not make the decision to participate in this show alone. I presented the idea to the priesthood leadership of our community, and no one objected. There was some concern as to the motives of the producers, but we all were in agreement that it might be a good thing.
However, this did not prevent one lady in our group (whom I respect very much) from telling my wife (they never tell me to my face – always to my wives) that I am “a monkey jumping up and down, saying, ‘Look at me! Look at me!’”
Ouch. And this is supposed to be from the people that love me?? Is this what they think of me?
First of all, in 2001, I discovered that the Internet might be a good place to find more wives. After a couple of years of failed attempts, a couple of crazy cat ladies and a few fake personas later, I came to the conclusion that the Web was NOT a good place to meet wives. But it was an excellent place to network with people who believe the same as I do, or to answer the questions of those who are wanting to know more.
So I stared a furious campaign of putting myself onto the Net. I started posting on discussion boards and talking about my family, how we lived and what was working for me. I did it with such a passion. I felt driven, even to the point that I knew that I was being driven, but not exactly to what end. Even when my community suffered a division a couple of years ago, I still felt driven, and that amazed me, because our community was being pulled apart and I still felt the drive.
Even then, there were many in our community who criticized my activity on the Internet. People would get up in Priesthood or Sacrament Meetings and unequivocally state, “We should not be preaching on the Internet.” No names were mentioned. But EVERYONE knew who the speaker was talking about.
This attitude was not unique to MY community, but belongs to most Mormon fundamentalists. One item that I got from a good source (and I am pretty proud about this one) was that the Allred Group (AUB) developed their “No Internet Preaching” policy based completely on my omnipresence on the Internet. And this is because of my complete willingness to discuss taboo subjects – plural marriage, endowment ceremonies, garments, second annointings, etc. If someone tells me to shut up, generally, I will shout louder.
(However, I have always been consistent in keeping people’s identities secret and respecting privacy.)
And doing the show was merely an extension of this insatiable “drive”. In July, 2007, I prayed for an opportunity, and in July, 2007, I was approached by the producers at Incubator.
This fear/ loathing that Mormon fundamentalists have for the media stems from the poor treatment that the media has afforded polygamists. And polygamists who go to the media are also maligned by us. I used to think that Tom Green was such a loser until my recent experience. I recently read his paper entitled “Why We Talk To The Media”, and his arguments sound a lot like mine. I have a kinder view towards him now. (Although I never married a thirteen year-old, and I never went on Jerry Springer, shouting, “Your just mad, because I get more than you.”) (On second thought, I DID say a couple of stupid things myself.)
In Tom Green’s paper, he talks about viewing Alex Joseph (polygamist icon of the 70s) with contempt. Tom even uses the same argument that I myself have used:
“Don’t hide your light under a bushel, but let your light so shine before men that they will see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven.”
The paranoia and fear that polygamists have goes even deeper. At the root of it is that we, as a people, have had our civil rights violated. In the 1940s, the FBI (encouraged by the Mormon Church) busted down the doors of dozens of polygamist men and drug sleeping husbands out of their beds while wives and children looked on in horror. These men rotted in prison for years simply for living their religion. In 1953, the whole community of Short Creek was arrested, and women and children – like at the YFZ Ranch earlier this year – were carted away by the busload.
Government is supposed to protect people in their rights. Is it any wonder that the polygamists distrust the government or the media? These people would not even talk amongst themselves who was married to who. Marriages took place in secret behind closed doors, and you never divulged who performed the marriage. Children were taught not to talk about the other wives. There was no cake, no reception. The identity of your husband was a secret, and your husband would sneak in through the back door to see you, or he would risk going to jail.
Then along come performing monkeys like me, who have no fear of going to the media, talking openly about our lifestyle. Is it any wonder that I am viewed with contempt??
When my wife Martha argued with this respected woman about going to the media, Martha pointed out that Lyman Jessop had gone to the media back in the 1940s. This woman became irate and pointed out that Lyman’s case was different. Lyman was forced to do so.
“You have no clue what our family was going through when we made the decision to do this!” Martha insisted.
Lyman Jessop was one of the polygamists who was put in prison in the 1940s. Like me, he was a poor man. He had three wives and many, many children. In an attempt to show the world that polygamists are normal people, he (along with prominent doctor Rulon Allred) invited Life Magazine into their home for a photo shoot of life in a polygamist household.
My family also decided to do this out of fear. My brother was going through a highly publicized divorce case, and the media had already been to our home, to my former place of work, and we had a hate monger named Flora Jessop trying to dig up dirt on me. In light of the FLDS fiasco in Texas, I concluded that – if I did not speak for myself – someone else would. In retrospect, I still feel that it was the right decision, and I would do it all over again.
It is generally understood that Tom Green went to prison, because the government wanted to make an example of him. That is he had kept his mouth shut that none of this would have happened to him. I am aware that the same could happen to me. Do I want to go to jail? No! Do I want to have my children taken away from me?? No, no, NO!! The thought is terrifying to me.
But we come back to the “driven” part. I refuse to live in fear. I know that many people will hate me for speaking up. I also know that many people will listen. So to you polygamists who despise me for speaking up, to those of you who are embarrassed by me, I am sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you, and I love you.
But please put some distance between you and me if you fear what I am doing, because I have just begun to speak out. And I am not likely to be quiet in the future. I can’t.
Most of it has been positive. People from across the States have emailed me out of the blue, thanking me for my example. Some have stated that their wives struggled with the concept of plural marriage until they watched the show or read the blog.
There has been some negative response, but, surprisingly, most of it has come from my own community – the people that I am supposed to be closer to than anyone else. Mostly, the negative response is found in their stony stares and silent disapproval.
First of all, I must state – I did not make the decision to participate in this show alone. I presented the idea to the priesthood leadership of our community, and no one objected. There was some concern as to the motives of the producers, but we all were in agreement that it might be a good thing.
However, this did not prevent one lady in our group (whom I respect very much) from telling my wife (they never tell me to my face – always to my wives) that I am “a monkey jumping up and down, saying, ‘Look at me! Look at me!’”
Ouch. And this is supposed to be from the people that love me?? Is this what they think of me?
First of all, in 2001, I discovered that the Internet might be a good place to find more wives. After a couple of years of failed attempts, a couple of crazy cat ladies and a few fake personas later, I came to the conclusion that the Web was NOT a good place to meet wives. But it was an excellent place to network with people who believe the same as I do, or to answer the questions of those who are wanting to know more.
So I stared a furious campaign of putting myself onto the Net. I started posting on discussion boards and talking about my family, how we lived and what was working for me. I did it with such a passion. I felt driven, even to the point that I knew that I was being driven, but not exactly to what end. Even when my community suffered a division a couple of years ago, I still felt driven, and that amazed me, because our community was being pulled apart and I still felt the drive.
Even then, there were many in our community who criticized my activity on the Internet. People would get up in Priesthood or Sacrament Meetings and unequivocally state, “We should not be preaching on the Internet.” No names were mentioned. But EVERYONE knew who the speaker was talking about.
This attitude was not unique to MY community, but belongs to most Mormon fundamentalists. One item that I got from a good source (and I am pretty proud about this one) was that the Allred Group (AUB) developed their “No Internet Preaching” policy based completely on my omnipresence on the Internet. And this is because of my complete willingness to discuss taboo subjects – plural marriage, endowment ceremonies, garments, second annointings, etc. If someone tells me to shut up, generally, I will shout louder.
(However, I have always been consistent in keeping people’s identities secret and respecting privacy.)
And doing the show was merely an extension of this insatiable “drive”. In July, 2007, I prayed for an opportunity, and in July, 2007, I was approached by the producers at Incubator.
This fear/ loathing that Mormon fundamentalists have for the media stems from the poor treatment that the media has afforded polygamists. And polygamists who go to the media are also maligned by us. I used to think that Tom Green was such a loser until my recent experience. I recently read his paper entitled “Why We Talk To The Media”, and his arguments sound a lot like mine. I have a kinder view towards him now. (Although I never married a thirteen year-old, and I never went on Jerry Springer, shouting, “Your just mad, because I get more than you.”) (On second thought, I DID say a couple of stupid things myself.)
In Tom Green’s paper, he talks about viewing Alex Joseph (polygamist icon of the 70s) with contempt. Tom even uses the same argument that I myself have used:
“Don’t hide your light under a bushel, but let your light so shine before men that they will see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven.”
The paranoia and fear that polygamists have goes even deeper. At the root of it is that we, as a people, have had our civil rights violated. In the 1940s, the FBI (encouraged by the Mormon Church) busted down the doors of dozens of polygamist men and drug sleeping husbands out of their beds while wives and children looked on in horror. These men rotted in prison for years simply for living their religion. In 1953, the whole community of Short Creek was arrested, and women and children – like at the YFZ Ranch earlier this year – were carted away by the busload.
Government is supposed to protect people in their rights. Is it any wonder that the polygamists distrust the government or the media? These people would not even talk amongst themselves who was married to who. Marriages took place in secret behind closed doors, and you never divulged who performed the marriage. Children were taught not to talk about the other wives. There was no cake, no reception. The identity of your husband was a secret, and your husband would sneak in through the back door to see you, or he would risk going to jail.
Then along come performing monkeys like me, who have no fear of going to the media, talking openly about our lifestyle. Is it any wonder that I am viewed with contempt??
When my wife Martha argued with this respected woman about going to the media, Martha pointed out that Lyman Jessop had gone to the media back in the 1940s. This woman became irate and pointed out that Lyman’s case was different. Lyman was forced to do so.
“You have no clue what our family was going through when we made the decision to do this!” Martha insisted.
Lyman Jessop was one of the polygamists who was put in prison in the 1940s. Like me, he was a poor man. He had three wives and many, many children. In an attempt to show the world that polygamists are normal people, he (along with prominent doctor Rulon Allred) invited Life Magazine into their home for a photo shoot of life in a polygamist household.
My family also decided to do this out of fear. My brother was going through a highly publicized divorce case, and the media had already been to our home, to my former place of work, and we had a hate monger named Flora Jessop trying to dig up dirt on me. In light of the FLDS fiasco in Texas, I concluded that – if I did not speak for myself – someone else would. In retrospect, I still feel that it was the right decision, and I would do it all over again.
It is generally understood that Tom Green went to prison, because the government wanted to make an example of him. That is he had kept his mouth shut that none of this would have happened to him. I am aware that the same could happen to me. Do I want to go to jail? No! Do I want to have my children taken away from me?? No, no, NO!! The thought is terrifying to me.
But we come back to the “driven” part. I refuse to live in fear. I know that many people will hate me for speaking up. I also know that many people will listen. So to you polygamists who despise me for speaking up, to those of you who are embarrassed by me, I am sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you, and I love you.
But please put some distance between you and me if you fear what I am doing, because I have just begun to speak out. And I am not likely to be quiet in the future. I can’t.
3 comments:
Moroni, we respect you for standing up about this issue and being willing to share about your lovely family. When bigots like Senator Reid give homosexuals a pass while calling consenting adult plural marriage practiced like the Patriarchs as immoral, our country has a huge problem, and that is one of intolerance.
Rabbi Gregory Smith
HMI
BYSW
Thanks for your comments.
Gay marriage and polygamy are strange bedfellows, but there is no doubt that we are in this together.
For this reason, I am for gay marriage.
It is a case of - the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Only a platonic friend...
I would love to film a polygamist family as they really are. If you are interested please contact me.
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