I have decided to temporarily take a hiatus from writing my blog.
Last year, there were different things that occur that caused me to realize that blogging about my life didn't just affect me, but my extended family.
My mom would tell me that the family was reading my blog and was upset. I couldn't figure out why until I realized that it was because I was visible. I was in the open saying, "I am a Mormon, and I am a polygamist." It is because I wasn't hiding in the corner.
Throughout October, December, and January, I became very sick. For much of that time, I was down in bed. For some of that time, I was hooked to IVs at home and had nurses coming to my house three times a week. It became a reality that I could die. The way I reacted to that is that I became very depressed.
My wives had to take care of me and deal with me through this particularly tough time. It put a strain on my relationships.
This experience made me realize that I have not been the ideal husband through much of my life. I have had these two wonderful women who have stuck by me through the years, and many times, I have been oblivious to their pain and suffering, the difficulties and emotions that they go through in having to share their husband.
I am just becoming aware of what a jerk I have been over the years. And I am putting all of my time and energy into fixing this, improving myself so that I can be the man that they deserve.
As a result, I have decided to stop blogging until I work through these issues. I have always been a confessional writer. It is impossible for me to write without making it very personal. But my wives need their privacy right now, and it would be disrespectful to share with others right now.
I don't feel that I can be a good example of plural marriage right now.
Maybe when my life settles, I can document a little bit about my experiences. But for now, I need to stop blogging.
I would like to say how much I love my girls. They have been so good to me, and I have been an oblivious husband.
I love Martha for her positive outlook, for her cheerfulness in spite of difficult times.
I love Temple for her hard work and her dedication, her willingness to sacrifice her own needs for her husband and her family.
I only hope that it is not too late. I hope that I can become the man that they deserve.
Thanks for reading.
